crazybabie

I had been wondering why I was having a harder time coping with AH addiction than my AS and I was feeling some guilt as I read the moms post and how it is different with our grown children I kept wondering why it wasn't feeling that way too me. Unfortunately now I know.

I have oldest AS in prison he isn't here for me to know what is occurring drug wise, middle AS is/was not sure which now living out of town and I had let the family there know I didn't want too know anything about use which left AH here
local I have been working really hard too make a better, stronger me.


Middle AS called today he was on his way to my town he does that on occasion
then he text me said his wife was home packing her things that they are done. I posted on my prior post earlier and went to my meeting.

When I got home DD called and asked if I had heard from her brother I told her no and asked why because he was suppose to be coming to my house after my meeting she said she was worried about him that he had sent her a text saying he was getting blown she was very upset I tried too calm her down without much luck she said 3 times mom he has overdosed before he was dead what can we do.

I told her we can't do anything he has to make his choices the whole time I was talking with her I could feel my mama radar, the old ways of panic I could not make up my mind what too do after all I can't help him.

I called his phone telling myself I had every right to see what time he was coming over he didn't answer he texted saying his phone was dying he has since sent a few text I didn't say anything about the text he sent his sister
My gut tells me since he is still texting he is using otherwise he would talk on the phone but he knows I can tell. YES my head knows I can not do a dang thing but my heart is not getting that right now this, is the same son I did CPR on I feel like I am back at ground zero in some ways.

I know in reality I am not or I would be in my car going too the friends I figure he is with. I so thought this feeling was over with my boys now I see it was only because they were not local.

DD, also said she plans to tell her dad tomorrow how she thinks he looks and how she feels I didn't suggest she not that us for her too decide.
My heart is breaking for her I have suggested she come to a meeting with me but she refuses nothing I can do about that either.

My family sure could use some extra prayers tonight.
Thanks for letting me ramble.

cangel2

I have no words of wisdom but am sending you positive thoughts and hugs. Stay true to you....don't get lost in the chaos......

amaslow

Let's do a Thelma and Louise minus driving over the cliff. Brad Pitt, we will keep!

crazybabie

amaslow, that made me laugh and I do like Brad Pitt hmmm

Kindeyes

It's hard to watch them struggle but it sounds like you are pretty darn grounded right now, Angie. He's in God's hands.

You and your dear son will be in my prayers tonight.

I guess it just wouldn't be the same to be Thelma, Louise, and Kindeyes, huh?

gentle hugs
ke

crazybabie

I am sure Thelma and Louise could have used a Kindeyes

Your so right he is in Gods hands just like my other addicts if I am honest here I myself am also in Gods hands I can do things to help me change but it often takes God to help If I really think about what/or can I control of course that is only me however, sometimes God holds the reins still on me. I hope that made sense.

Ann

I know how the pain of having one addicted child brought me down, I cannot imagine how hard it must be for mamas who have more than one.

One or a hundred, we are powerless over our addicted loved one`s choices...however bad...and we are powerless over addiction.

But we do empower ourselves when we say a prayer and let God take over...or the universe...or whoever you believe is running this show down here...I know it`s not me.

My very hard bottom was when I drove 60 miles to drag my son out of a crack house, threatening to kick down the door if he did not come out. He did, and when I left he went back. It was then I broke down and gave his care to God, telling Him I just could not do one more day like this. That was my turning point. You are way ahead of me on that one.

Letting go is so much harder than hanging on, but in the end we were hanging on to what did not belong to us...the lives of others.

I think Thelma and Louise and The Posse of Mamas sounds delight full..hop on everyone, we`re driving our recovery bus to the beach today, don`t forget your suncreen!

tjp613

(((Angie))) Hope you got some good rest. What can you go do today that might help get you out of your head for awhile? Is there an animal shelter close by? Those doggies always need someone to take them for a walk!

Anaya

crazybabie: I'm sending prayers for you and your family. You have been doing well and you are strong. No need to feel guilty.

crazybabie

tjp, I plan too spend part of today with a lady I call my grandmother she is 84 years old and always loves company we get along great and she is so very wise she want to go play bingo tonight so unless she changes her mind that is where I will be with my cell phone turned OFF.

Sleep was a bit restless when I finally did fall back to sleep someone was knocking on my door at 5:30 this morning no clue who and not gonna let my mind go there.

outtolunch

Your son may be at square one again but you, my dear, have grown beyond that.

DavinsGrammy

Prayers going out for you and your family ~

allthatsgood

I have read so many of your posts on SR, I know you are a strong, wise woman. As tjp said, you are far from step one. Hope you get to go to bingo tonight so that you can relax and take your mind off of things for a little while and maybe even win! You have a lot of people here....the posse of moms, standing behind you to give you support. Hopefully, that gives you some comfort.

crazybabie

Well, it is storming here pouring rain so grandmother doesn't want too get out which I understand I was wondering what I could do now and I think maybe this, is my HP way of telling me I have been slacking on my Step work so I am gonna watch a movie later and do some step study seems like a great way to spend a stormy night.

DD, came by this morning and brought me breakfast and a red rose she spent the day with me and we kept any talk of her dad or brothers very limited she has gone to translate right now it is something she does every Friday evening at a music class she said she may come back either way I will do my work and enjoy her company.

Anaya

Well, hopefully, your evening went well.

Your daughter is a sweetie. Lucky you.

crazybabie

Anaya, thanks the evening was good the movie was nice and I usually do not watch much TV I keep mine on the music channels the step work helped although it was a bit difficult lol

outtolunch

HBO, if you have it, has been runing " Too Big to Fail" again. It's the most realistic portrait of what happened relative to the collapse of the financial systems in late 2008 and what followed. Guaranteed to teach you something you did not know and take your mind off other stuff, for awhile. Wm. Hurt is terrific as Hank Paulson.

amaslow

I like the idea of a posse of mom tour a la' Thelma and Louise with a little help from Brad Pitt. Just think how our Addict Kid's would react when the tour bus shows up and we start rolling out. There is power in numbers!! I know my kids have played on my being single with no support.

Hell has no fury like a bunch of mom's on a mission!