aef0920

hello. my name is Amy and i just discovered this site through aGoogle search. i am already comforted knowing that i am clearly not alone in what i am dealing with. hees my story i will try and keep it brief. i met my loved one thrugh a mutual frin. he was very charming and started seeing each other exclusively. i wasnt aware of any problems with him for the first couple of months. he told me very early on that he had been in prison for robbery. dint know exactly why at the tim but i decided to give him a chance since i believe that people can be rehabilitated. anyway after that he stole money from me, and we discussed his problem. still not knowing the severity of it, i decided to stay with him. after many promises to change, get help, go to meetings,i had a baby 3 months ago, and things have gotten worse not better. he loves his daughter its really evident, but he lies to me so much and has recently become angry and mean when he doesnt get his way. i have yelled and screamed at him, tried to talk him out of it, tried to love him out of it. crack is a horrible evil thing that i never knew anything about prior to meeting him. now i am at a crossroads and its hard to tell if he really loves me or if hes using me for a place to stay. i know he needs help and so do i because i feel like im going crazy.

outtolunch

Active addicts and those new to recovery are lousy parents.
You alone are responsible for your baby's welfare because he is not capable of being a father and a crack addict.

Drugs have rewired his brain to protect and sustain addiction, at any cost. Nothing you can say, do or feel is going to get him or keep him sober. You are not that powerful. None of us are.

Do you have family that can help?

aef0920

i have a wonderful family and friends who can help me. his brother has also been helpful but hes at his wits end with it as i am getting after over ayear of this. i am embarassed to tell my family about it. they have no idea

Talltrees

It's your choice whether or not to share the information with your family, but I think their support would really give you the strength you need right now. Outtolunch is right---addicts make lousy parents. I have two very young children, and I couldn't imagine how difficult my life would be and how alone I would feel if their dad was not by my side in a proper state of mind. HUGS to you

Yes, you are not alone. Yes, he needs help, and yes, you need help too. And this site was a great starting place for me, so I hope it will be just as useful to you.

However you decide to handle your situation, please remember that you will NOT regret putting your daughter's physical and psychological needs first.

aef0920

i appreciate any and all input. i know i am not going to like some of what is said to me but i am prepared for it and i appreciate it so much. i never thought i woul be in this plce.

aef0920

i am typing on a cell phone so sorry for all the missng letters and typos

aef0920

i forgot to mention that i also have a fifteen yr old daughter from a previous relationship who right now is rarel home due to it being summer an shes always at friends houses. she has no idea wht is going on. and i dont want her to.

FindingErica

I was embarrassed tell my family and his too. But my parents have been so supportive of me. Surprisingly his have too. I realized that when I kept his addiction secret, then it had become my problem. This is not your problem, living in shame over anothers addiction keeps you trapped. When I started reaching out and talking about it, my life opened up

aef0920

no. they arent. i am just stuck right now as far as money goes. he just drained my bank accunt the other day. and i make too much money to get any monetary help.

aef0920

im sure i will tell them eventually but im not ready yet. i guess im scared. and youre right. right now it does feel lik im carrying such a heavy load.

Learn2Live

Take him off your bank accounts immediately.
Is he living with you? Or are you living with him? Whichever it is, do whatever it is you need to do to get him OUT of your home. If you need to move in with your brother for a while, please do so.

Do not yell and scream at a crack addict. They are too unstable and volatile.

aef0920

i have removed him from my accounts. he is living with me. yes i have learned because he hs gotten almost physical with me before. he has gotten in my face and told m he was going to punch my teeth down my throat. so i am afraid of him.

Faithlove

Have you considered getting a civil protective order (CPO) against him? I'm not sure about Ohio but I'd bet that he wouldn't have to actually be physically violent towards you in order to get one. In my state, if he puts you in fear of imminent injury, and it is likely to happen again, the court will grant one. The court can also grant you temporary custody of your baby, order him to vacate your home, order him to have no contact with you, etc. And I know it's just a piece of paper, but it can send a very strong message. He can go to jail for violating it.

Sungrl

My ABF was also in prision for an armed robbery. He was sentenced in 1987 and did 18 1\2 yrs. I met him on a blind date knowing that he had a past he was ashamed of and I thought I would give him a chance. Same old story, great guy when sober. Lunatic when drunk or on coke. I have been with him 2 years now and I think that he will never be able to relate to society in a normal manner and he will never treat me they way i deserve. That prision mentality is a tough thing to leave behind and i see it take over more and more everday. I wish you the best of luck. I live in hell right now and I hope i find my way out soon.

Learn2Live

Crack addicts can do horrible things to teeny tiny babies who cannot defend themselves. Please get him away from your baby. I don't want to scare you but there was a crack addict threw the baby over the bridge because he got into a fight with the babymama and wanted to "get back at her." Crack is nothing to be messing around with.

Talltrees

You cannot continue a relationship with someone who gives you a reason to be afraid. Please get rid of him and protect your children. I was less than two years old when my dad knocked my mom into the wall over and over again. I remember him breaking down the door of the apartment when my mom wouldn't unlock it, and I remember watching him get arrested and escorted down the stairs. Cliche, yes, but I will never ever forget. There is no telling when images will begin to stick for your children, whether they resemble my memories or not. You cannot predict his behavior. Active addiction will constantly worsen, and when the violence worsens, chances are you will not see it coming. GET RID OF HIM and don't wait.