nicknack12

Hi all! I'm so glad I found you! This is my first thread/post! And like most persons looking for forums to help with problems, I've got a problem. So without further ado- here is my circumstances and my question:

My husband is an addict. He's been in recovery for just over a year. He relapsed when I was pregnant, so I left for the safety of both me and my child. He moved in with us for a few months so he could get his feet back on the ground financially, then he moved out. We were still trying to reconcile, but I needed to see he could be responsible for himself before I moved back in with him with the baby. Well, as far as I know, he's been clean, but he hasn't stopped lying about many things. For one, he has addiction problems with things other than drugs. When I found out he was continuing to lie to me, I told him I wanted a divorce simply because you can't have a functioning relationship with someone you don't trust. Well, two weeks after I told him this, he got into a relationship with a young woman from his NA groups. I have no reason to believe they were seeing each other before, although him giving out his phone number to NA women had previously been a problem. Well, he lied to me about her too... I didn't know for weeks he was seeing someone until a friend told me. Because he wouldn't tell me anything about this young woman, I looked into her criminal records. WOWSERS. She's been in and out of trouble for a long time. Unfortunately, she's not someone I want my son around. I don't think she's been clean for even a year (heroine and cocaine) and she is currently still on probation for theft (even though her parents support her financially and she has a college degree, she likes to steal a felony's worth of merchandise every once in a while). Last time she was arrested, she had a gun on her person that she did not have a permit for. I have no reason to believe that she isn't a nice, likeable person. But that isn't the point. My husband is adamant about introducing our 12 month son to her, and I don't think that's a good idea. I've filed a complaint, and part of it indicates my desire that our son not be around persons with a history of drug abuse. We are currently in custody mediation. He doesn't seem willing to budge on this issue. I am willing to compromise-- if they continue in their relationship and she stays out of trouble, I don't see why our son can't be around her. But I want to see that she's serious about staying clean. If we could agree on a time-frame for that I don't think that's unreasonable, but he does. He wants them to meet asap. (They've been dating for 3.5 mos)

Anyone else been through this? Any suggestions? My husband's lawyer is also a recovering NA person... it seems that all of NA thinks I'm a jerk over this. It really sucks. It's not a personal vendetta, I just want to protect my son from a harmful atmosphere and a potentially dangerous person. Sigh.
Ok. Hit me up with your thoughts.

Thanks everyone,
nicknack

DavinsGrammy

I agree with cynical. Supervised visitations and no outsiders. I would question why he would even want to introduce a 12 month old baby to her anyway? I mean it's not like a baby is going to even realize who she is or why she would even be there.

interrupted

If he's not in active recovery (and the additional addictions you mention coupled with behavior counter to NA recommendations about dating etc. indicate to me he is not) then I think it's completely reasonable for you to want any visits with him to be supervised and under conditions of drug screening, just like cynical one suggested.

Talk to your lawyer about protecting your son at all cost. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but it sounds like you're a very strong woman and you're heading in the right direction. Welcome to the forum!