18 more days.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 18
18 more days.
....until my love gets out of rehab.
so many questions....
I keep hearing that patients can schedule visitations with their therapists, and I keep wondering why she has done so...if she can, or if she even knows about?
so many questions....
I keep hearing that patients can schedule visitations with their therapists, and I keep wondering why she has done so...if she can, or if she even knows about?
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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I don't feel that because im concerned with and am missing a loved one tat I automaically need to be lumped into a category.
With all due respect, I think we have a right to miss people we love who have been away without diagnosing their relationship.
I don't mean this as coming back hard, just sayig
With all due respect, I think we have a right to miss people we love who have been away without diagnosing their relationship.
I don't mean this as coming back hard, just sayig
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 71
George....please understand that the people here have walked this road before you, we all have addicts in our lives that we love and care for....but, we also know that we need to seperate ourselves from the addict until they are truly in recovery...and we need to take that time to do some personal inventory of who we are by ourselves...
We cannot help the addict, recovery is their job, they need to do it alone with the help of professionals who can guide them.
Many of the behaviors you have expressed in your posts are very unhealthy codependent type of relationship problems...feeding into her addiction to drugs, and your addiction to her. Please take this constructively and take a good long look at yourself, take this time while she is in recovery to work on you, find new hobbies, enjoy your time alone, enjoy some of those craft beers (in moderation)...the new fall beers are out, yay!
Please stop worrying about what she is doing, or if this relationship will last when she is done with her program....it may, it may not - that is the nature of relationships, and a relationship with an addict is NEVER really healthy for either person....
Take care of YOU... <3
We cannot help the addict, recovery is their job, they need to do it alone with the help of professionals who can guide them.
Many of the behaviors you have expressed in your posts are very unhealthy codependent type of relationship problems...feeding into her addiction to drugs, and your addiction to her. Please take this constructively and take a good long look at yourself, take this time while she is in recovery to work on you, find new hobbies, enjoy your time alone, enjoy some of those craft beers (in moderation)...the new fall beers are out, yay!
Please stop worrying about what she is doing, or if this relationship will last when she is done with her program....it may, it may not - that is the nature of relationships, and a relationship with an addict is NEVER really healthy for either person....
Take care of YOU... <3
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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I understand, and thank you for your post. As i said, this is all so hard for me and so new.
Her therapist just returned my call because i had some questions.
I was then informed that she could not call me for awhile, and the next time would be on speaker phone, with her therapist. The reason im guessing is because she asked me how I was when we last spoke and I was honest. I said I had not eaten or slept very much.
I was told I took her focus off of herself and put it on me.
Im new to this guys....Im guessing you have all made the same mistakes i have at one point or another.
Her therapist just returned my call because i had some questions.
I was then informed that she could not call me for awhile, and the next time would be on speaker phone, with her therapist. The reason im guessing is because she asked me how I was when we last spoke and I was honest. I said I had not eaten or slept very much.
I was told I took her focus off of herself and put it on me.
Im new to this guys....Im guessing you have all made the same mistakes i have at one point or another.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 71
Alanon or Naranon meetings are a good place to start.
There is also a book called Co-Dependent No More, that you could read to fill some time.
What are some other things that you could do to fill your time now that she's not there....hobbies, friends, journaling your feelings....
"Create the kind of self you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement."
- Foster C. McClellan
There is also a book called Co-Dependent No More, that you could read to fill some time.
What are some other things that you could do to fill your time now that she's not there....hobbies, friends, journaling your feelings....
"Create the kind of self you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement."
- Foster C. McClellan
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
George, about 2 hours ago you posted elsewhere that you were attending NA meetings and nar anon and that you have a 30 day key chain. This suggests you are a double winner, an addict and codependent.
30 days is a blip in time no different than her stay in rehab.
Most come here with a nasty case of terminal uniqueness, believing their situation is different from others. I know I did. It's also common to compare out our situations, ala it's not so bad and all that.
Returning to the scene of the crime, your relationship and home, may not be in anyone's best interest , right now. You both had drug issues before this relationship and the combination has not been healthy for either one of you.
She probably would be better off in a Sober Living Enviornment for awhile to continue learning and using recovery skills and most importantly, being held accountable by her peers, in recovery.
Have you considered getting some professional help for things on your side of the fence? Your obsession is showing- just saying.
30 days is a blip in time no different than her stay in rehab.
Most come here with a nasty case of terminal uniqueness, believing their situation is different from others. I know I did. It's also common to compare out our situations, ala it's not so bad and all that.
Returning to the scene of the crime, your relationship and home, may not be in anyone's best interest , right now. You both had drug issues before this relationship and the combination has not been healthy for either one of you.
She probably would be better off in a Sober Living Enviornment for awhile to continue learning and using recovery skills and most importantly, being held accountable by her peers, in recovery.
Have you considered getting some professional help for things on your side of the fence? Your obsession is showing- just saying.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 18
I know I have all these obsessive fears. . . and I swear, after today, I will not allow myself to live like this anymore.
Its just the fears...What if my bf doesnt come back home to me. What if she won't talk to me. What if she doesn't allow me to pick her up when she's released.
I know I need to accept the things I have no control over, I know this. But these fears are here and very real. Thanks for all your in put.
Its just the fears...What if my bf doesnt come back home to me. What if she won't talk to me. What if she doesn't allow me to pick her up when she's released.
I know I need to accept the things I have no control over, I know this. But these fears are here and very real. Thanks for all your in put.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 71
Consider therapy - seriously...it may help you sort out your feelings, and understand them so that you don't obsess over them.
All the things you mention above, are real fears...but, even if they all came true, you would still be alive, you would still be breathing, you would still be you and life would go on. Yes, it would hurt, you would cry, but, you would heal.
And why waste all this time while she is in recovery and getting help, worrying and hurting now for the fear of something that may or may not happen.
The healthiest of relationships is one that each person is their own healthy person outside the relationship...get healthy on your own, find a good therapist in your area to talk to about all this. Journal, sometimes getting your feelings down on paper and out of your head/heart helps too.....
All the things you mention above, are real fears...but, even if they all came true, you would still be alive, you would still be breathing, you would still be you and life would go on. Yes, it would hurt, you would cry, but, you would heal.
And why waste all this time while she is in recovery and getting help, worrying and hurting now for the fear of something that may or may not happen.
The healthiest of relationships is one that each person is their own healthy person outside the relationship...get healthy on your own, find a good therapist in your area to talk to about all this. Journal, sometimes getting your feelings down on paper and out of your head/heart helps too.....
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I know that this is where I claim to be different and Im not....but the whole initial purpose of this was for her to get off Dr. Prescribed Subutex. Once she made the decsion to go to treatment, she was like "im going into treatment, lets have one last binge".
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Hi CuriousGeorge, My boyfriend just left for a 45 day inpatient rehab today. I posted on this forum a bit ago, but I basically left it because I was getting all the same type of replies as you. Oh you are so sick, you need to start working the 12 steps for yourself, you are obsessive, you don’t even think you have your own identity because look at the user name you chose: JoeysGirl. Your in denial that you are so sick, blah blah…. I just thought the name was cute, reminded me of that old song Jessies Girl… That is the difference in mentality perhaps. So Im only replying to you because it seems like we are sort of in the same stage of recovery with our loved ones.
Ive known my boyfriend for five years, and we live together. He was injured in an accident, and has been through a lot. Its only been about 6 months I think the abuse of his prescribed pain meds started. And its only been the last 6 weeks Id say that he has really exhibited symptoms of addiction. So I haven’t experienced things to the level a lot of people here have.
I asked my boyfriend to get some help in stopping the pills. He didn’t realize he had a problem, but I told him his behavior was unpleasant for me, making me not like him even though I loved him - and I wanted him to move out, and I needed to take a break from him until he got himself together. Well, he stayed at a friends ,and two days later overdosed on Oxy pills. So obviously I was upset.
Then he agreed to a rapid opiate detox procedure, but got released from the hospital and had to wait overnight to check into the medical center. So his parents demanded he come and stay with them instead of coming home with me. Well that didn’t work so well. He did what your girlfriend did – walked out of their house, no car, got a hold of one of his friends who provided him with drugs. His mom called me all upset swearing, crying, saying if he didn’t come back and check into the detox by morning then they were done. (They were also paying for the 10k detox, and the 45 day rehab which is even more) so I decided to see if I could drive from our house to there and find him inbetween. I wasn’t hysterical, crying, not trying to keep him from using that night. Just wanted to try to make sure he got himself to detox the next day. I got myself a smoothie and a burger and I drove slow and looked for him. Not in the ghetto; we live in the suburbs so to me it was a little inconvenience but it was not a huge deal on my part. He ended up back at his parents, and his mom was having another fit (she also attends the family thing NA-Anon or Al_anon; not sure which) but anyway, he came home with me and he eventually just went to sleep, and he got to the detox fine the next day. Within a couple days he was feeling really good again – like his old self. No withdrawls, no pain, no suffering.
He came home with me to await getting into rehab. And we had a good couple of days. But he was scared. I was scared. We have never been through this before and didn’t know what to expect. But we also talked to the director at the rehab, and read all the info emailed to us, and got more comfortable with it. By the time he left today, we both are nervous but think it will be a good thing. His rehab allows contact after the first 48 hours; at least with him because he is fully detoxed and has no lingering withdrawls, etc. He could take his phone, ipad, music.
Im not planning on joining the family group for NA right now. His mom does it though. His rehab isnt based on the steps of NA. I don’t think anyone can judge if you are addicted to your addict, or if you are codependent ; except you. I think I have done things that people on here can latch onto and say it proves I am; like driving to his moms and looking for him. But I don’t think that means my life is spiraling out of control. It is more like isolated incidences that have happened over a short period of time. But it does show me that I need to be aware that the craziness of addiction can cause you to not think, and do things that aren’t healthy for you. My actions could progress.... I think its ok that you are anxious and nervous right now. I am too. Its all new for us; its normal.
In my case, I am going to be headed back to grad school in a few weeks. I am working full time right now, and then I will go back to part time, and also have some internships lined up through school. I plan on spending time with my friends, my parents too, thoroughly clean the house now that boyfriend is in rehab, and I may even redecorate a little. Just positive things that will make me happy. I do plan to talk to my boyfriend while he is in rehab, but I agree his focus needs to be on him right now. Its such a great opportunity for him; just like it is for your girlfriend. And it’s a great opportunity for us also, to take a break, refresh, give some thought to our behavior, and make adjustments, etc.
Ive known my boyfriend for five years, and we live together. He was injured in an accident, and has been through a lot. Its only been about 6 months I think the abuse of his prescribed pain meds started. And its only been the last 6 weeks Id say that he has really exhibited symptoms of addiction. So I haven’t experienced things to the level a lot of people here have.
I asked my boyfriend to get some help in stopping the pills. He didn’t realize he had a problem, but I told him his behavior was unpleasant for me, making me not like him even though I loved him - and I wanted him to move out, and I needed to take a break from him until he got himself together. Well, he stayed at a friends ,and two days later overdosed on Oxy pills. So obviously I was upset.
Then he agreed to a rapid opiate detox procedure, but got released from the hospital and had to wait overnight to check into the medical center. So his parents demanded he come and stay with them instead of coming home with me. Well that didn’t work so well. He did what your girlfriend did – walked out of their house, no car, got a hold of one of his friends who provided him with drugs. His mom called me all upset swearing, crying, saying if he didn’t come back and check into the detox by morning then they were done. (They were also paying for the 10k detox, and the 45 day rehab which is even more) so I decided to see if I could drive from our house to there and find him inbetween. I wasn’t hysterical, crying, not trying to keep him from using that night. Just wanted to try to make sure he got himself to detox the next day. I got myself a smoothie and a burger and I drove slow and looked for him. Not in the ghetto; we live in the suburbs so to me it was a little inconvenience but it was not a huge deal on my part. He ended up back at his parents, and his mom was having another fit (she also attends the family thing NA-Anon or Al_anon; not sure which) but anyway, he came home with me and he eventually just went to sleep, and he got to the detox fine the next day. Within a couple days he was feeling really good again – like his old self. No withdrawls, no pain, no suffering.
He came home with me to await getting into rehab. And we had a good couple of days. But he was scared. I was scared. We have never been through this before and didn’t know what to expect. But we also talked to the director at the rehab, and read all the info emailed to us, and got more comfortable with it. By the time he left today, we both are nervous but think it will be a good thing. His rehab allows contact after the first 48 hours; at least with him because he is fully detoxed and has no lingering withdrawls, etc. He could take his phone, ipad, music.
Im not planning on joining the family group for NA right now. His mom does it though. His rehab isnt based on the steps of NA. I don’t think anyone can judge if you are addicted to your addict, or if you are codependent ; except you. I think I have done things that people on here can latch onto and say it proves I am; like driving to his moms and looking for him. But I don’t think that means my life is spiraling out of control. It is more like isolated incidences that have happened over a short period of time. But it does show me that I need to be aware that the craziness of addiction can cause you to not think, and do things that aren’t healthy for you. My actions could progress.... I think its ok that you are anxious and nervous right now. I am too. Its all new for us; its normal.
In my case, I am going to be headed back to grad school in a few weeks. I am working full time right now, and then I will go back to part time, and also have some internships lined up through school. I plan on spending time with my friends, my parents too, thoroughly clean the house now that boyfriend is in rehab, and I may even redecorate a little. Just positive things that will make me happy. I do plan to talk to my boyfriend while he is in rehab, but I agree his focus needs to be on him right now. Its such a great opportunity for him; just like it is for your girlfriend. And it’s a great opportunity for us also, to take a break, refresh, give some thought to our behavior, and make adjustments, etc.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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I had no idea previously that you were both using together and that you are also in recovery. I honestly can't see how you guys living together and working on a relationship at this time is a good idea. You both need to work on yourselves first.
The tone of your posts has me concerned that you are more worried about her leaving you than you are about your own sobriety. That sounds like a recipe for disaster.
The tone of your posts has me concerned that you are more worried about her leaving you than you are about your own sobriety. That sounds like a recipe for disaster.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 34
When my Joey was in the hospital the doctor came in and gave us lots of information on where to get help. And he recommended rehab but he also suggested outpatient therapy. But his mom would have none of that. He picked where he wanted to go. It is supposed to be designed especially for patients who have become addicted after an injury like he had. They focus on pain management along with being able to provide physical therapy because he still needs that. This was the main reason he picked it, but also because his mom has been trying pushing the same whole NA thing on him, and he doesn’t want to do it. There are a lot of options available to people you now. And all the rehabs we looked at were definetly over 10k for 45 days. Its really expensive to go to most rehabs. And maybe his is a little more because they do the physical therapy and all that too.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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My reason for posting was not to bring the discussion to my situation. I just wanted him to know that we have similar situations with our loved ones, and how I felt was similar to him. And also he said he felt somewhat attacked in some of his threads, like he was being lumped in with a group because he had emotions regarding his girlfriend and was being told he needed big time help. Same thing I was told. And that my boyfriend also went out and got high right before rehab/detox too. Im not sure why Lovemenot made her comments to me, but I didn’t see any harm in replying to her. Sorry I interfered with his being “lectured”
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DENIAL
Don't Even No I Am Lying
George, I have been with my AH for 31 years and I asked him to move out on April28th this year and he did that day. I miss him dearly there is a huge difference in missing and obsession.
Don't Even No I Am Lying
George, I have been with my AH for 31 years and I asked him to move out on April28th this year and he did that day. I miss him dearly there is a huge difference in missing and obsession.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Originally Posted by interrupted 
I had no idea previously that you were both using together and that you are also in recovery. I honestly can't see how you guys living together and working on a relationship at this time is a good idea. You both need to work on yourselves first.
The tone of your posts has me concerned that you are more worried about her leaving you than you are about your own sobriety. That sounds like a recipe for disaster.
The tone of your posts has me concerned that you are more worried about her leaving you than you are about your own sobriety. That sounds like a recipe for disaster.
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