lost0311

I am new and very lost. Went to my first Al anon meeting last week and have been reading some liturature. But as most not getting the quick answer to the ultimate question.... NOW WHAT...

I just left my husband 1.5 months ago. He is an addict. We have been married for 6 yrs. and have 2 children ages 2 & 4. My husband spent all our bill money and I had finally had enough. I walked out with the kids and he then spent the next check resulting in eviction. I am now living with my parents trying to get a grip on what is going to happen next. After he begged me to come back I finally stuck my ground for the first time and said NO. Very powerful word. He said he would do anything. So I told him rehab was the only way... Well he did a 30 day inpatient program and he gets out in two days. I miss him soooo much and wish I had gone to a meeting sooner. Im the provoker in this sinerio & I don't want to be anymore. Im so scared of what he is going to expect and what his attitude will be. We cant live together because we no longer have a home & he lost his income when I left because he failed to do what I had been doing for him for years. He blames me now & doesnt want me anymore. Says I was the reason he used and now that he is sober & found a higher power, he sees that I was the problem this whole time. Im sad & hurt and feel completely alone. All the while doing everything I can to save face in front of my babies who mean the world to me.

HELP!!!!

crazybabie

You may have enabled but YOU are not the reason he used and if that is what he is saying
he is looking for excuses and that is not recovery.

Your question what now, keep going to meetings, get healthier for you and your kids, take one day at a time or even one minute if needed.

sukosuko1

early sobriety is an emotional roller coaster. we keep shifting between different ideas or blaming different people for our problem. and this is the first time he's had power over his situation. anyone who's really been through the 12 steps will stop blaming other people for their addiction. just give him space when he's in a bad mood and he'll come back much sooner than you would think.

Kindeyes

You have a lot going on....I can only imagine your confusion.

Keep going to meetings. Keep focusing on yourself. Sometimes things happen for reasons that we don't understand until much later. I felt so alone and frightened when I divorced my XAH. But eventually I met my current husband and we've now been married for 27 years. He's a wonderful man. I truly believe that I needed to live through a rough marriage to fully appreciate a good one.

Take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke

lost0311

Thank you all. Just read some more of the sticky's. Guess what.... I am a codependant. Great!!! I almost got sick reading that one. And I thought I was the one that had it together in this relationship. This is going to be a very long journey, but I am ready to start healing. My babies will be gone to Grandma's house this weekend. I've got some work to do. Any advice is much appreciated. This is the most scared I have been since I was 17 moving out on my own.

crazybabie

Get the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, if you can't buy it most libraries have it keep going to the meetings it works if YOU work it doesn't happen overnight, keep reading and posting and there are also meetings for Codependency ifyou would like to look into that CODA...

Your worth it...

kmangel

It is good you recognize yourself as a codependent--now you have something you can work with. You have made an important step towards a healthier and happier life.