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Car crash:I feel I am being attacked

Old 08-07-2012, 02:05 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Here is a link to a post about some lists I posted regarding Adult Children of Alcoholics and our unique characteristics. I thought this might be useful to you. I think it is great you and your mom and sister are discussing these things. When I first start investigating this stuff and learning about alcoholism and addiction, I asked but none of my many siblings was interested. Most of them are paying for it now, unfortunately.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3521496
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Old 08-08-2012, 01:23 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by KnBlueSkies View Post
Lara,

A few years ago my husband and I went on vacation to an island off of South Africa; Mafia Island.

There is nothing that you will do, nothing that you will reject doing that will interfere with Gods plan for your H. My belief is that God often works through people.

If it is your will to truly remove yourself from H's life; then use this as a catalyst to let go emotionally once and for all. If you are able to get to this place, then your business dealings, and all random interactions will be meaningless to you.

Praying for you, yours, and all the victims.
Hi KnBlueSkies...thank you for you post. I know Mafia Island well... it's a 20 minute flight from Zanzibar... so you understand the conditions.... on happier note - great to hear you know a bit about where we live....

I feel as though I have been dropped into a whirlpool of conflicting emotion.... through SR I am NOT jumping onto a plane and rushing to Zanzibar - a few weeks ago I would definitely have. If H was in critical condition then I would not hesitate though...
But beneath the 'momentary' anger and disappointment there is love. I believe I am removed from H - as in I don't think of any possibility of a future. Not possible with him - and this I am clear on. But he is still a part of my life - my families life.
My sister spoke to his previous counsellor (when he was in rehab) - she is giving us advice on an 'intervention'.
I don't believe being involved in an 'intervention' is enabling or demonstrating co-dependent behaviour. His brothers have asked if we are prepared to be involved with this step - and we are prepared to 'assist'.
I am sure many members on SR would disagree- and say 'no contact'. But it doesn't sit well with me.
We are going to let things 'settle' over the next week or so - get as much support as possible - and go from there...
I agree with you about prison... it doesn't help. Causes even more damage.

Will keep you posted.
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Old 08-08-2012, 03:04 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Lara View Post
Hi KnBlueSkies...thank you for you post. I know Mafia Island well... it's a 20 minute flight from Zanzibar... so you understand the conditions.... on happier note - great to hear you know a bit about where we live....

I feel as though I have been dropped into a whirlpool of conflicting emotion.... through SR I am NOT jumping onto a plane and rushing to Zanzibar - a few weeks ago I would definitely have. If H was in critical condition then I would not hesitate though...
But beneath the 'momentary' anger and disappointment there is love. I believe I am removed from H - as in I don't think of any possibility of a future. Not possible with him - and this I am clear on. But he is still a part of my life - my families life.
My sister spoke to his previous counsellor (when he was in rehab) - she is giving us advice on an 'intervention'.
I don't believe being involved in an 'intervention' is enabling or demonstrating co-dependent behaviour. His brothers have asked if we are prepared to be involved with this step - and we are prepared to 'assist'.
I am sure many members on SR would disagree- and say 'no contact'. But it doesn't sit well with me.
We are going to let things 'settle' over the next week or so - get as much support as possible - and go from there...
I agree with you about prison... it doesn't help. Causes even more damage.

Will keep you posted.
Hi Lara,

I was thinking about that beautiful rustic area in which we visited. If I recall, the island we stayed at had only a few roads.... which were not anything like people might imagine. They were sort of like trails, and in fact the hotel we stayed at had a cruiser similiar to the ones you described because it is necessary to get around in a lot of places. But Tanzania and some of the other places we went to did have more traffic and taxis... but it still was a wild ride. Its not like where you have left turn lights and all that to keep everyone organized and in their place on the roads. Just thought Id share that.

I dont think an intervention is enabling. I persoanlly think it is good he has family and friends who care about him and are willing to push him in that direction. Its probably a good time for it. (Of course, you have to make your own decision as to how you feel about participating).

I hope things go well; still praying for all involved.
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Old 08-08-2012, 05:59 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by KnBlueSkies View Post
Hi Lara,
I dont think an intervention is enabling. I persoanlly think it is good he has family and friends who care about him and are willing to push him in that direction. Its probably a good time for it. (Of course, you have to make your own decision as to how you feel about participating).

I hope things go well; still praying for all involved.
I agree with the above - let those that see him every single day do it - if you get embroiled in the "intervention" you may just find yourself embroiled in the emotional roller coaster again and the manipulation of feelings again. You have come such a long way and hugely so and YOU are starting to heal you. By getting so deeply involved again may reset you back to square one!

I undertsnad you care, quite normal as you have a shared history. But young Lara what kind of message even subliminal are you sending to your son and those that care about you at home? Here is a question for you: what sort of role model do you want for your son? What sort of person do you want him to become? Do you want him to grow up believing it is OK to misbehave, do drugs, use woman and when he has done damage to others it is OK? Apologies here but your son needs his Mother to be a whole person. And from what you have told me both on forum and off is you put your son 1st???? Really?

The mental space, financial impacts and other things that your abf has evocked is costing you years and years off your life... what would happen if you took ALL that energy, all that time, all that mental space and ploughed it into you and him??? I will tell you this much based on my experience - you will fly, you will soar, you will see new things and light in all, you will find new friends and renewed energy and your son (just like my daughters) will have so much joy and happiness oozing out of them towards you, you would start to see miracles and goodness come your way - that is a guarantee. I let go of Lesley completely - it was VERY tough as I had been involved for years and years and years with her... I cannot describe how brilliant I have become, how brighter life is without out all the baggage that was Lesley... I know you will do the right thing... you are stong and you are capable... love from across the pond...
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Old 08-08-2012, 09:52 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Emptyshell, you will get more individual attention and advise to your issues if you start your own thread.

Go back to the main thread page. Upper left hand corner, click on New Thread and proceed from there.

**Oops sorry, wrong thread!**
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