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-   -   H in bad car crash last night and 3 people critical (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/264646-h-bad-car-crash-last-night-3-people-critical.html)

Lara 08-07-2012 03:54 AM

H in bad car crash last night and 3 people critical
 
Dear members... the day is not improving... as you know H has relapsed. Just been called - he was drunk last night - driving his massive Toyota Landcruiser (he wrote the Range Rover off) - and ploughed into a taxi with 3 passengers. H is okay - just badly cut. But the three occupants of the taxi are critical. They are lying in a hospital in Zanzibar (an island off East Africa) - here I was always concerned about H - due to practically no medical care - and now three innocent souls lives are hanging in the balance.... I don't know how to feel right now....
I don't want to see H.
My brother was killed by a drunken driver 9 years ago. The drunk lived. My 23 year old brother didn't. I fear what words could come out of my mouth when I do see H again...... I feel sick.

Ann 08-07-2012 04:01 AM

I am so sorry Lara, and my prayers go our for you and for those injured people and yes, even for your H who now has to live with this.

You are not responsible for his poor choices and the destruction and sadness they cause.

Sending big hugs because this must be awful for you. :hug:

outonalimb 08-07-2012 04:17 AM

Lara,

I can only imagine all the emotions you must be feeling right now. My heart goes out to you and my prayers up out for everyone involved...including your AH. :candle6D:

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

Lara 08-07-2012 04:33 AM


Originally Posted by outonalimb (Post 3522613)
Lara,

I can only imagine all the emotions you must be feeling right now. My heart goes out to you and my prayers up out for everyone involved...including your AH. :candle6D:

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

It's so difficult as I love H (he's not my husband) but I refer to him by the initials of his first name....
But I feel do deeply for the families of the others involved... I suppose distance right now is the best thing.... rage is such a pointless, negative emotion that gets noone anywhere....
I really need to be a constructive as possible when I see H again - he has asked for me - but not sure what to do really.... If he was critically injured I can honestly say I would be on a plane this minute - but he's okay.

MsPINKAcres 08-07-2012 04:47 AM

((Lara))

it was very brave for you to post this ~ I am so glad that you are reaching out for support ~

As so wisely Ann mentioned ~ this is H's responsibility, please do not take it on ~ prayers that it will be the catayst used to help him find the help he needs ~

Prayers for the three precious people & their families ~ for healing, comfort and grace ~

and mostly prayers for you ~ take good care of you & your recovery during this painful time

PINK HUGS for all,
Rita

Anaya 08-07-2012 04:48 AM

I understand your rage and the need to distance yourself. I am so sorry for those that were hurt.

Keeping all in my prayers.

Dee74 08-07-2012 05:07 AM

Prayers for everyone involved Lara - and for yourself as well...

D

kmangel 08-07-2012 05:53 AM

I think unless your H begins a sincere program of recovery and has some recovery time under his belt, it is best for you to leave him to his HP. Pray for him, pray for the people he has hurt, and leave the details to God.

For you, keep working on your own recovery, all the things you need to do for you. Are you attending any Al-Anon or similar groups?

crazybabie 08-07-2012 06:09 AM

Lara, I will be keeping the people who were hurt in my prayers as well as you,

Lara, H has you in critical condition just another type yet still crippling what if you and your son were in that taxi just imagine finding out H was the driver.

FindingErica 08-07-2012 06:37 AM

My heart goes out to the innocent people.

As for H, who cares if he is asking for you. For your sake step away from this. He's obviously doing as he pleases, selfishly plowing about in his massive vehicle high on substances he knows full well impair his judgement, with no thought to the rights of everyone else to move about safely. Let the consequences come. You could have been a party to this, you have mentioned how many times you could have been killed in his Range Rover. You could be lying in that hospital right now, or living with the horror of seeing that car smash into and injure others.

outtolunch 08-07-2012 06:43 AM

[QUOTE=Lara;3522593

I fear what words could come out of my mouth when I do see H again...... [/QUOTE]

Is there a reason you plan to see him, again?

interrupted 08-07-2012 06:45 AM

In this situation I would definitely choose NOT to enable someone with such reckless disregard for human life.

I'm sorry this happened, but you get to decide if you want to keep making it easy for him to continue down this path. Let him handle this, he's definitely earned any pain he is feeling.

EnglishGarden 08-07-2012 06:49 AM

No contact.

Lara 08-07-2012 06:52 AM


Originally Posted by outtolunch (Post 3522799)
Is there a reason you plan to see him, again?

It's impossible not to see him again... I won't seek him out - but we live on a very small island - and our businesses are involved... so tricky to completely avoid... I have managed for the past few weeks - as had my partner do the travelling - but eventually have to travel back - can't avoid the island forever.....

tjp613 08-07-2012 06:53 AM

Yeah, I think if you go to his side you are definitely getting in God's way. I'd let him sit alone for a LONG time to think about his life & choices. Of course, if the laws there are anything like the U.S., he'll be in jail for quite some time. Plenty of time to think there.

Before you see him again, why don't you run by the hospital to visit the victims and their families? That should give you some much needed perspective.

Lara 08-07-2012 06:56 AM


Originally Posted by interrupted (Post 3522801)
In this situation I would definitely choose NOT to enable someone with such reckless disregard for human life.

I'm sorry this happened, but you get to decide if you want to keep making it easy for him to continue down this path. Let him handle this, he's definitely earned any pain he is feeling.

I am in complete agreement with all of you - I am not a blithering idiot! But its not as simple as it seems... we live and work on a very small island. Our work crosses paths...I can't keep sending my business partner to represent me all the time - I am going to have to travel eventually.

Right now I loathe him... and wish there were no feelings at all.....I feel sick for the other families - I know how it feels - I have been 'the other family' - our brother was killed by a drunken driver!!

Lara 08-07-2012 06:59 AM


Originally Posted by tjp613 (Post 3522815)
Yeah, I think if you go to his side you are definitely getting in God's way. I'd let him sit alone for a LONG time to think about his life & choices. Of course, if the laws there are anything like the U.S., he'll be in jail for quite some time. Plenty of time to think there.

Before you see him again, why don't you run by the hospital to visit the victims and their families? That should give you some much needed perspective.

I appreciate your input -I don't need perspective to see the families in hospital - by 23 year old brother was killed by a drunk driver in a car crash....I think that's why I feel such rage too - that the person who was once someone I loved - has almost killed 3 people - innocent people like my brother - and God willing they live! Not sure yet....

interrupted 08-07-2012 07:02 AM


Originally Posted by Lara (Post 3522822)
I am in complete agreement with all of you - I am not a blithering idiot! But its not as simple as it seems... we live and work on a very small island. Our work crosses paths...I can't keep sending my business partner to represent me all the time - I am going to have to travel eventually.

Right now I loathe him... and wish there were no feelings at all.....I feel sick for the other families - I know how it feels - I have been 'the other family' - our brother was killed by a drunken driver!!

I hope you don't think I was implying that you were an idiot, I don't think that at all. This is a horrible situation all around. :hug: :hug: :hug:

FindingErica 08-07-2012 07:03 AM

Will he be allowed to carry on business as usual after the accident?

You said you fear the words that will come out of his mouth. He should fear the words that come out of yours IMHO. You may have to just make yourself ice when you must deal with him or see him. Short, direct, devoid of emotion, business only. Give him no in, not even to your anger or disgust, as it will give him a foothold to manipulate. Don't listen to a word he says, and if he speaks of anything other than mutual business, walk away.

On another note, I am really sorry for the loss of your brother in such a tragic way. Those wounds don't heal clean.


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