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H in bad car crash last night and 3 people critical

Old 08-07-2012, 09:00 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Calm down, bobcat. You can't browbeat someone into doing what you want. Everyone moves at their own pace and pushing our opinions on someone just causes the person to shut down. You've made your point.
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Old 08-07-2012, 09:08 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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So sorry to hear about this terrible event. I'll be praying for God's peace and comfort to surround the victims, their families, you, and your son. Also praying that you give up H and turn him over to his/your HP.
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Old 08-07-2012, 10:39 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by interrupted View Post
I hope you don't think I was implying that you were an idiot, I don't think that at all. This is a horrible situation all around.
Dear Interrupted - your post was kind and supportive!!!! thank you!!!!!
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Old 08-07-2012, 10:42 AM
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Originally Posted by FindingErica View Post
Will he be allowed to carry on business as usual after the accident?

You said you fear the words that will come out of his mouth. He should fear the words that come out of yours IMHO. You may have to just make yourself ice when you must deal with him or see him. Short, direct, devoid of emotion, business only. Give him no in, not even to your anger or disgust, as it will give him a foothold to manipulate. Don't listen to a word he says, and if he speaks of anything other than mutual business, walk away.

On another note, I am really sorry for the loss of your brother in such a tragic way. Those wounds don't heal clean.
HI FindingErica - thank you for your input... your words make sense and have guided me - thank you - you have given me a 'plan of action' which I am going to stick too......
I meant to say 'the words coming out of MY mouth - not his'.... many thanks for your guidance!
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Old 08-07-2012, 10:57 AM
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A reminder to post with support and respect. A couple of posts have been removed, let's continue to work with Lara to help her through this crisis.

Thank you all.
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Old 08-07-2012, 11:11 AM
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Thank you Ann!!!I am sorry to be so sensitive to this - battling with it.... bringing back so many memories - but have received some wonderful posts from members who have given such good advice... i am working on it...
Thank you
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Old 08-07-2012, 02:18 PM
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This is tragic news. It is tragic not only for the three people critically injured but also for H. He has to live with this.....and as much as we want to de-humanize the addict as a result of the hurt and pain they have caused in our lives, they too are human. This kind of thing can be a catalyst for deeper addiction or a catalyst for recovery. I will pray for the latter.

I am so sorry, Lara. All involved will be in my prayers. Take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 08-08-2012, 01:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Kindeyes View Post
This is tragic news. He has to live with this.....and as much as we want to de-humanize the addict as a result of the hurt and pain they have caused in our lives, they too are human. This kind of thing can be a catalyst for deeper addiction or a catalyst for recovery. I will pray for the latter.


gentle hugs
ke
Thank you Kindeyes.... I know! He too is human who has made a terrible mistake. He's not all addict. He's done incredible things too - contributes so much to society - financially, with time etc etc... but here we only read about the 'bad'.
He is in my prayers!!
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Old 08-08-2012, 01:59 AM
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What is too often forgotten is these are not monsters,they are human beings in the grip
of a horrific brain disorder.History has been in vain if it did not teach us that the
dehumanization of other human beings.....never ends well.

I told my Dad decades ago I wanted to KILL the person who stole my bicycle.
His response was..."Really? The death penalty for the crime of YOUR stupidity in
forgetting to lock your bicycle?"

I hope your friend finds his way back to life,Lara.
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Old 08-08-2012, 02:01 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Firstly, prayers and thoughts for those people.
What an awful time for you. Whatever happens I hope you get some peace :-)
The law will decide what happens to your husband.
Whatever you decide to do there will always be support and help from people here. Please be gentle with yourself. Thinking of you today :-) x
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Old 08-08-2012, 02:28 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Hi Lara,

Your boyfriend or ex boyfriend (H), not sure - I see confusion here on SR as H is short for husband!

Yes he is human but it is his path and he really does not seem to care to much about endangering others - you have said he quite happily takes risk with others lives, including yours. Your choice Lara and I hope you make the right one for you and your son's sake. Where do you stand with him now? Are you still trying to "rescue"him?? I pick up that you are still in the "other"place - still batteling your internal fight... prayers are with you and all others infected and hurt by H's behaviour, including him. YOU concentrate on YOU and YOU heal... do not abandon your resolve to heal and get YOUR life sorted and on track and normal... too much mental space is being taken up (understand it) and you need to get a breather and refocus... love to you across the pond!
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Old 08-08-2012, 04:48 AM
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Lara i see my exbf who i loved very much every day at work. at first it was extremely difficult as i could never get away. he seemed fine about it as if the time we spent together meant nothing at all. but with time it gets better. i go with the business talk. im polite to him, but i dont chit chat or have a joke with him like i do with everyone else in my group. i pretty much ignore him. if we are talking work, then im professional. take your time, but time heals all.

as for what has happened, i hope you feel thankful that you got out before that was you in the car beside him. he is the one that must live with what he has done. you need to just let him own it on his own. his problems are not yours. keep going with all the great things you have been doing and getting your life back on track. and leave him to sort out his own problems.

and i hope those poor souls that were hurt by his actions make a full recovery. no one likes it when innocent people get injured by others who show no regard to the safety of themselves or others around them.
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