Underlying health issues of an addict
 

I read the posts here and people seem to deal with addicts with no other health issues. I think the reason why I feel so guitly is that my addict sister has an underlying Social Phobia and she swears she needs massive amounts of tranqualizers to go through the day, however she makes excuses not to see a psichologist to help with her phobias. I feel guilty about letting her go as I start to think that I'm just making excuses not to look after my sick sister. Can anybody relate?

My oldest AS has a diagnosis of schizoaffective he chooses to self medicate I have Panic Attacks with Agoraphobia I choose to see my therapist and psychologist and take the medication prescribed and not use more than prescribed.

I have had to let go of my son he made a choice so has your sister.

TomSteve originally posted this on another thread maybe you can find some comfort in it :)

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE
To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

Sorry I just saw it was one of your post he posted to.

Thank you Craziebabie. My sister takes tranqualizers as prescribed, however she got her first prescribtions in a different country where benzos are handed like candies. Her current "family doctor" just carries on the first doctor's "treatment". She refuses to see a psichiatrist as she knows that they will take her off such high doses. I don't know what to do. I feel very guilty if I leave her when she is really sick, but who knows. I know I could report her doctor to authorities as I can't imagine any doctor in their sound mind prescribing such high doses, however I'm afaraid that they will take her off Cold Turkey which is strongly advised against after being on benzos for years. (Another doctor in our area got in troublewith authorities for prescribing lower then my sister's doses)

You don't have to do anything and you're not a "horrible person" if you let her deal with her own issues.

Ask her how you can help her and see what she says.

Thank you for this! I seriously just read it and had the biggest facepalm moment ever. Derp. Why didn't I think of that?! :lightbulb

I asked her several times, however her reply is something like "I need you not to remind me about dangers of benzos and alcohol" or "I need you to support me when I have an argument with my boyfriend" (she has severe control issues and I don't see miself supporting that. I believe that this is how the medication is effecting her as she wasn't like that before). Basically what she is asking is that I would not point out her addiction and how it's effecting her, me and other members of our family and act happy when I see her so sedated. I don't see how I can do that. It's so hard :(

Jur, Lets talk about what you CAN do because you already see what you can't do

You CAN read Codependent No More

You CAN go to a meeting

You CAN learn how to get your life back and leave your sister the dignity to live hers however she chooses.

You Can start taking care of YOU

You CAN learn how to not feel the guilt

You Can learn it is not your place to say anything to her about her use
(Trust me I know how hard that one is my middle AS overdosed)
OR

You CAN refuse any of our suggestions and keep living life the way you are
Is any of this easy NO our recovery takes work but it is a lot better and the work is well worth it.

When we keep doing the same things over and over we keep getting the same results.

Thank you Angie. You are very kind. I admire you. I wish I was so strong.
I know I need to distance myself, but it's so hard. I have so many years of "experience" of codependence that I don't even know what it is like to be normal.

Point is that she's not asking you for any help with the issues you think she has.

One of the most difficult parts of codie training is learning to mind your own business and "wait for the question".

She doesn't want your unsolicited advice and does not wish for you to control her situation.

Control yours. (see, now you have me doing it)

Many posters on this forum have addicted loved ones with additional psych disorders who are on meds for their problems. Overuse/misuse of prescribed meds can cause serious problems. However, it is a personal and complicated issue. Your sister may feel her social anxiety is adequately managed through medication and may not want to pursue other ways to address her problem. If your sister's meds are legally prescribed and she takes them as prescribed, then it is a matter between her and her doctor. If you have expressed your concerns to her, then you have done what you can. You could try speaking to her doctor but he/she is under no obligation to address your concerns. I doubt you'd get far in reporting the doctor unless you have strong evidence that he/she is doing something illegal.

My meth addict sister is also bipolar. She has had numerous opportunities for help with the bipolar and addiction, refuses all help.

Thank you for your post EJG. I can't talk to a doctor as my sis would never forgive me for that. As I said her dose is way too large. She was prescribed benzos in another country where it's very easy to get them. We live in Ireland and it's illegal to prescribe Klonapin here for any other purposes then epilepsy so I'm sure her General Practitioner would get into trouble if I reported her to authorities.

Hi JR123 - I can relate. My husband has PTSD from war and also has had numerous back operations and two total knee replacements, he is falling part. My husband's surgeon and pain mgmt. doctors have told me that my husband will most likely be on some form of pain medication for the rest of his life due to the disabling pain he suffers on a daily basis. The problem I have is that he abuses his pain meds from time to time and I often wonder how bad his pain level really is because it has been masked for so many years with tons of meds. His thoughts also are well if it is prescribed by the doctor then I must need it, I just wonder how much he really needs it.

Jur123, I've been doing this dance with my own sister for many, many years. She, too, has what she feels are underlying health issues - anxiety, depression, and insomnia among others. All addicts do. The thing is, there's no way for you to know what dosage of psychiatric medication may be necessary. I've detached from my sister and I allow her to live her life the way she sees fit. I went "no contact" with her for several months, also. No matter how many times I tried to control the situation or "help", it ended in the same result. The fine people on this forum are very knowledgable, and will help you alot, too.

Thank you Tired. Sorry to hear about your husband.
I also wonder how much my sister needs medication. I would be ok if she was on a reasonable dose, however I think her current dose is slowly killing her. I did a research on internet and it turns out she is on a double max reccomended dose. However she drinks on the top of that too. Alcohol + Benzos is a terrible combination. I feel so scared when she is walking in the house "half consciuos".

Jur, your stronger than you realize I have not been working on recovery very long just a few months or so. I joined here in 2007 but didn't stay because at that time it was one of my sons who was addicted and he kept getting locked up. How I wish I had started my recovery journey then.

I have 4o years of codependency I have faith in you, I believe you can start taking care of you :)

I completely understand how you feel because my AD abused benzos and Klonopin for a time. She has also thrown alcohol onto that mess too. It was a nightmare to see her stagger around and walk and talk when clearly she was not really conscious. Too many times we had to persuade her not to leave our house because we knew she could easily get hit by a car. Thank goodness she did not drive or atttempt to get behind the wheel of a car. If she had, I would have had to call the police. Eventually, she moved out because it was impossible to live with her.

On her own, my D gave up drinking, Klonopin, and benzos. I think she lives in fear of how badly they affect her. Maybe at some point your sister will decide to straighten out but you have no control over that. I would avoid taking a front row seat to her addiction if it troubles you.

Thanks Jur.

I agree with you on the "how much my sister needs." A big part of the problem is that our loved ones are not completely honest with their physicans and their physicians don't see them "no doeing" (nodding) out and see their erratic behavior like we do. Also our loved ones are in a fog most of the time from the meds and I don't think they fully realize just how they act. Believe me, I have recorded my husband with the video camera from time to time to show him how he acts (of course I show him when he is sober) and he can't believe it - but then of course the cycle starts again and he doesn't give a crap.

I also from time to time get the "feel so scared" moments. I have hidden the car keys so many times and have pulled the "come give me a hug in the bed" to my husband knowing that if I can just get him to lay down for a moment he will pass out as soon as he lays down and I can sneak off to tend to LIFE.

Alcohol, benzos and pain pills, OH MY, dangerous combo - just wish they would wake up and come out of their drug induced comas.