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This is so hard

Old 07-31-2012, 03:34 PM
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Unhappy This is so hard

My sons were evict from their apt. Today. One of my sons took off on a bicycle from the city he was living in for parts unknown. Did not tell his brother where he was going. I am pretty sure he has mental issues. I am afraid I'll never here from him again.
The other will be living out of his car. He seems and acts more grounded than I have ever seen before. Ithink he is relieved that he doesn't have to be "his brother's keeper" anymore. The fact still remains that they have squandered lots of money and made bad choices which I had no input or control over..

Please pray for them. I have remained strong in my boundary of no adult child will live with me again, but this is the hardest thing I have ever done. It feels like a funeral.

I know others have been where I am today and I just need to know this too shall pass. Right now, the only thought that keeps me moving forward is that I can't go back to the insanity of having them all live with me again---that I am sure of.

Huggs,
HOpe
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Old 07-31-2012, 04:16 PM
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Hope, you are doing the absolute right thing. Remember that the definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing and expecting a different result! Let your adult children experience being an adult, they will learn by their OWN choices and as a Mom, you need to let them stumble. I know.... I understand.... It is so hard not knowing where my young man is and what he is doing, the imagination runs wild sometimes. I just keep reminding myself of the Hell we went through and that the addiction has made my life unmanageable and I WON"T put the rest of the family through the nightmare we went through last time.
Hang in there, keep posting, your posse of other Momma's will be along shortly.
Love
Teresa
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Old 07-31-2012, 04:33 PM
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posse of Momma's.......Teresa.....that cracked me up.

It is hard. There is simply no easy solution when it comes to addiction. Letting them go. Not knowing where they are is hard. Knowing where they are but knowing that they are using is hard. Having them live with you is impossibly hard.

Praying and handing my son over to his HP is my best tool for sanity. Your dear sons will be in my prayers.

gentle hugs
ke (member of the posse of Mommas)
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Old 07-31-2012, 05:07 PM
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Oh, I can so feel your pain, Hope...I am holding you in my heart. It is a pain worse than childbirth to not let them in the door at such a fragile time. I'm still recovering from the afterpains!

The sighting yesterday of my AD's abusive XABF has haunted us all day. Still, I grieve for him, and remember how I tried to accept and include him in our family, ignorant of the heroin use. These ghost children are loved by someone, and all I can do when I see one is send an invisible hug and be on my way.

You and your sons are in my prayers.

I am smiling at the Posse of Mommas and thinking about the collective power we have that this sometimes-sorry-old-world sure could use. We have a corner on it right here, though, and thank goodness we can help each other through it all.

Amy
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Old 07-31-2012, 05:39 PM
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Positive healing thoughts for you from another member of the posse! Take some time to do something nice for yourself........Hugs!
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Old 07-31-2012, 06:43 PM
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Just joining the posse to cheer you on...after which we shall all go to a spa and have ourselves pampered while the world just runs itself for a while. Later we shall go out for cheesecake and ask for extra whipped cream.

Hugs from one of the Posse Mama's
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Old 07-31-2012, 06:45 PM
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....but this is the hardest thing I have ever done. It feels like a funeral.
Yes, I can relate to the feeling of mourning someone who is still alive...I've felt like that for a few weeks now and I hate to say that part doesn't seem to get any easier. One just learns to live with it, I guess....put it on a shelf....while we go on with our lives. It feels like a part of my heart has been carved out and now its ability to contain joy is diminished. BUT...I AM still able to experience joy, hope, friendship, love, beauty, nature, spirituality, compassion, awe, wonder, ...and all of the beautiful things life has to offer. I am being patient with myself and allowing myself to feel the feelings when I can.... oppressive sadness can come over me in a flash and sometimes in the most inconvenient places. In the dentist chair today I was listening to my iPod while the dentist was working away and a special song came on ... it was all I could do to choke back the tears that wanted to flow. But when I got home I allowed myself a little cry.....and that's OK. Life goes on.

Thank you for sharing, Hope. I'm glad you're here. We need you as much as you need us. ((((Hugs))))
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Old 07-31-2012, 07:25 PM
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I'm so sorry you are facing this. But remember, your posse is growing larger. Together we are stronger. Unite, Mamas!! Unite!
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Old 07-31-2012, 07:33 PM
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Your doing the right thing and I do understand the pain I have been there. Prayers for you and your sons as well as a hug from another posse member
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Old 07-31-2012, 09:43 PM
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Prayers are being sent for you and your sons. I hope your resolve to continue with the boundaries doesn't fade. It's not easy, I know.
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Old 08-01-2012, 06:11 AM
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Thanks to all my posse Momma supporters!
I survived my first night with on/off sleep periods, but made it through. Oh the thoughts that go through your head in the middle of the night! I had to constantly counter attack these thoughts by giving my sons up to God & ask for peace.

I have to also keep remembering that they choose this path time & time again-now I must back off & let the natural consequences of those actions take place.

I must gather my witts about me today bc I work tonight. I have always had this rule that when i walk
Through the doors at work i leave my problems there. It gives me a much needed break from the turmoil going on inside my head.

((((((HUGGS)))))
Hope
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Old 08-01-2012, 06:31 AM
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Hi, Hope. As another member of the posse, just wanted to offer up my support and prayers for you and your sons.

You are doing the right thing. Your sons are lucky to have you.

Hope you do something nice for yourself today.
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Old 08-01-2012, 07:23 AM
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Just galloping in here to remind you that being the mom of an addict is not for weanies!!!

You have done well. There is great wisdom in that slogan "just 24 hours at a time." Sometimes it is "5 minutes at a time!"

Yes, it feels like a funeral. But this too shall pass. Your troubled son may have some terrible fate. But that could have happened in your own home while he was living with you. It could have happened in the home that he shared with his brother. It sounds like you are going to survive this and thrive... keep coming back!
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Old 08-01-2012, 09:43 AM
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I can feel your pain. I also think my AS has mental problems. It is so hard to go about life with this heavy burden on us. When I come here and read these posts I see my thoughts and feelings expressed so well. Thank God for all of you brave mothers.
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