Lara

What is happening now is text book stuff as far as SR concerned. Thank God for SR - that I am in a stronger place to deal with the next chapter...but a chapter I have read before. The cycle of addiction never waivers.
I first joined about 7 weeks ago when H screamed at me to 'get the hell out of his life' - I joined SR - and by reading your posts realised he has probably relapsed (I believed H was almost a year into his recovery from cocaine addiction). The hardest part was being told by everyone here that I needed to 'respect' his wishes and walk away.
I was warned too that he would eventually try win me over again. Thank God for SR. This is all unfolding as I was warned.
In the past week I have received numerous messages from close friends (we all work and live on a very small island - so difficult to remone oneself entirely). The friends I am referring too are all non addicts. They have been much stronger over the years with not accepting H when he is actively using - I am the only one who 'stood by' so to speak. Anyway over the past week H has been seen pissed out of his skull at 9am drinking whisky (he unfortunately owns a number of restaurants and bars). I believe he has been driving to my house ( I am currently not in the country) looking for me - and accusing my staff of lying about my whereabouts...
On Sunday a mutual friend was concerned about H - H was going on and on about how he is destroying his life and now has lost the person he loves most (Me). Now BEFORE SR I would be on a plane to 'rescue' him.
Our mutual friend arrived at his home - H was clearly drunk. Friend tried to talk to him.... He said H was very agitated. And every 30 minutes or so would leave the pool area and disappear into his house under the pretext of 'needing to change his clothes - or check on something'. Seems so obvious he is using again.
But now - the million dollar question. The reality is - where H lives - there is NO medical care. If he seriously relapses and overdoses (huge chance as the cocaine is not clean on this island) H dies.
What the hell do I do??? I know you have all heard this line a thousand times - but 'I am the only one who he will listen too at this stage'. 'I am the only one who has a chance of getting him on a plane into rehab'.
Help???

crazybabie

You stay hand off the addict , I know it is hard to understand, I also know your scared for what could happen if you went and tried talking with him you will likely leave feeling very emotional, possibly sucked back in you can't save him he has business he runs? OK seems he has the money to get help if he decides HE wants it.

Every time I am around or hear from my AH my emotions get stirred I start getting weak,

We have made too much progress to take a chance on slipping back focus on who you CAN take care of. who you can help YOU

crazybabie

Forgot too add I hear EGO, I am the only one you say not true he is the ONLY ONE

Lara

Thank you CrazyBabie...
It's not the ego - I know it's up to him... but for instance, in the past, when he is in this state, he won't let anyone get close enough to even talk to him - he locks himself up in his home - he could be dead in his bed for all we know - I don't know why, but the only two people who he 'allows close' or will open the door for - are my sister and me. If it's about rehab etc - supporting him with the decision and the administration side (as rehab is in our country) - is that enabling??

Lara

For the first time in years I feel strangely removed from H. I don't have those same emotions. But he is still my friend - but without the invested emotion - and I suppose without the need for him to recovery for my future with him. There will never be a future - this I am clear on. But I do want to see him healthy for himself. I would like my FRIEND to surive.

bobcat2000

100% right! He will be the ruin of you and your son! Start putting you 1st and your son 1st - you owe it to yourself and your son! Do not even be tempted to be in the same town or country as him as he will hunt you down for his "sympathy fix" and suck your emotions and mental wellbeing drier than a vampire!

Lara

Thanks Bobcat!!!!! I am just about to start another thread " RAGE".... to update you on my present mood!

Sunshine2

Lara, if he was really listening to you, he would not be where he is now. It sounds to me like your brain is trying to find reasons why you should go back to your addiction of him.

It is what it is and he will do what he will do. I find the words I have read here many times so comforting: "You do not have the power to make him use or not use". It frees us from taking responsibility for the addict's actions.

FindingErica

Took the words out of my mouth. I was going to say, if you are the only one he listens to, he doesn't listen very well and he has obviously not listened very well in the past. This is how he pulls you back in, with his Rupunzel act. He may or may not continue to use, he may or may not die. He77 he's nearly killed both of you in the past and if he makes a reckless choice now better you are not there. Continued addiction has only one outcome, death, eventually if unchanged it will probably kill a person- either through side effects, overuse, breakdown of the body or poor choices while under the influence. Go do something with your son and remember who really needs you in this life.