how should i handle a possible return from MIA?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
how should i handle a possible return from MIA?
Well, I got a surprise check in the mail today from the state. Chils support paid. Wow. Very surprising indeed! Of course, still no contact from the xah.
My thoughts on this:
So, does he think after being mia since may 14 he can waltz back in? If he does, how will I respond?
I am the one dealing with my sons pain. He has NO IDEA of the pain or mess he has caused. He is so selfish. It isn't ok that he comes in and out randomly (no contact from him as of yet). I am legally bound to 2 hours a week. So, if he asks, I have to let him. Fair or not fair to my son. And honestly, my son misses him.
How can he explain the absence without FINALLY admitting he is an addict? A sober man would never do this. And he knows I would never keep our son away for non payment for child support.
His ***** paid the bill. I am pretty sure. This disgusts me. She still has her claws in him. Ugh.
I think he is using everyday. Not sure why, but probably because he kept canceling every visitation up until he went MIA.
Today, and actually this whole have finally gotten out of my depression of his hurting my son by his absence. I am feeling happy again. I got the check, and boom I'm anxious...what does he want? How will he hurt us this time?
I'm tired of him having the ability to have such power over my emotions. I stopped in my tracks and thought, "its his choice." I have to keep living my life and enjoying every minute.
If he does come back though, what is the point of having and rational conversation with him?
I think he paid the bill because he was scared and worried about the state coming after him...and feeling guilty. I think he is terrifed to contact me because he will have to face the music..plus he is doing coke probably everyday. So his mind is a mess for sure.
I guess.
So, who knows what he is thinking or doing. I just have to focus on what is best for my son and be the mama bear. I will not make it easy if he does decide to come back in. Knowing him he was so angry about supervised visits he just gave up thinking "what's the point" (rather than trying and proving himself like a man). Its easier to give up because then he can snort coke.
So, now I have to have a strong plan in place if he comes back. Like being prepared for a hurricane. Makes me feel safe. And I can't let him affect my emotions. He can't have that ppower over me anymore.
Anyone have ideas on a plan if he contacts me? Should I make him sit with me face to face before he sees my son. I can at least see where he is at mentally, let him know how he has hurt my son and tell him if he does it again I will...?????? It has to be legal and I'm poor. I have full custody. He has 2 hours supervised vists a week. My lawyer said he can't change this. I like it. Although, if I had it my way the state would not have rights in deciding what I can and can't do. I'm the sober smart one. I should chose what's best for my son.
My thoughts on this:
So, does he think after being mia since may 14 he can waltz back in? If he does, how will I respond?
I am the one dealing with my sons pain. He has NO IDEA of the pain or mess he has caused. He is so selfish. It isn't ok that he comes in and out randomly (no contact from him as of yet). I am legally bound to 2 hours a week. So, if he asks, I have to let him. Fair or not fair to my son. And honestly, my son misses him.
How can he explain the absence without FINALLY admitting he is an addict? A sober man would never do this. And he knows I would never keep our son away for non payment for child support.
His ***** paid the bill. I am pretty sure. This disgusts me. She still has her claws in him. Ugh.
I think he is using everyday. Not sure why, but probably because he kept canceling every visitation up until he went MIA.
Today, and actually this whole have finally gotten out of my depression of his hurting my son by his absence. I am feeling happy again. I got the check, and boom I'm anxious...what does he want? How will he hurt us this time?
I'm tired of him having the ability to have such power over my emotions. I stopped in my tracks and thought, "its his choice." I have to keep living my life and enjoying every minute.
If he does come back though, what is the point of having and rational conversation with him?
I think he paid the bill because he was scared and worried about the state coming after him...and feeling guilty. I think he is terrifed to contact me because he will have to face the music..plus he is doing coke probably everyday. So his mind is a mess for sure.
I guess.
So, who knows what he is thinking or doing. I just have to focus on what is best for my son and be the mama bear. I will not make it easy if he does decide to come back in. Knowing him he was so angry about supervised visits he just gave up thinking "what's the point" (rather than trying and proving himself like a man). Its easier to give up because then he can snort coke.
So, now I have to have a strong plan in place if he comes back. Like being prepared for a hurricane. Makes me feel safe. And I can't let him affect my emotions. He can't have that ppower over me anymore.
Anyone have ideas on a plan if he contacts me? Should I make him sit with me face to face before he sees my son. I can at least see where he is at mentally, let him know how he has hurt my son and tell him if he does it again I will...?????? It has to be legal and I'm poor. I have full custody. He has 2 hours supervised vists a week. My lawyer said he can't change this. I like it. Although, if I had it my way the state would not have rights in deciding what I can and can't do. I'm the sober smart one. I should chose what's best for my son.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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If he has not contacted you since May.....
I don't believe you are any longer...legally bound to 2 hrs.
If he wants to fight it....he can take you to court. Where you will report that he has been horribly inconsistent with visits and is still in active addiction (?) and that you want him drug tested by the courts and if they want to allow visitation, it can be SUPERVISED at a facility.
I stupidly let my ex pop in and out of my daughter's life....because I thought I was bound by some obligation.
She is now a meth addict and is in prison for the 3rd time. She has abandonment issues and his sporatic influence was not helpful.
I don't believe you are any longer...legally bound to 2 hrs.
If he wants to fight it....he can take you to court. Where you will report that he has been horribly inconsistent with visits and is still in active addiction (?) and that you want him drug tested by the courts and if they want to allow visitation, it can be SUPERVISED at a facility.
I stupidly let my ex pop in and out of my daughter's life....because I thought I was bound by some obligation.
She is now a meth addict and is in prison for the 3rd time. She has abandonment issues and his sporatic influence was not helpful.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Story, I just want to point out something for you to think about. All that happened was a check came in the mail. I understand you want to have a plan in case this means he'll be wanting to assert his visitation rights. But just look at all the thoughts and fears and scenarios that came up in reaction to the check.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by story74 
I have documented everything. I have a really good lawyer. So, I will contact her and ask what my rights are. What a practical idea! 
You are trying to read into all sorts of things when you got the support. Be grateful for what you have this moment, including your precious son, the roof over your head, food on the table, electricity and running water.
There are millions in this world who have none of that.
Turn the anxiety over to your HP. In my books, God is either nothing or he is everything.
I know the dealing with a racing mind, but with a lot of hard work on self and the passage of time, I very seldom fall into that anymore.
Sending you hugs of support.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,871
Freedom beat me to it. I was going to say there is nothing wrong with finding out exactly what your rights are, but after that, just don't worry about it. I'm sure you've heard that about 90% of the stuff we worry about never comes to pass anyway, so, like Freedom said...don't borrow trouble. Be prepared and then let it go.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
story74,
i was glad to read that you are feeling better. as far as the check in the mail goes, i agree w/ the others. i wouldn't worry about things too far ahead of time b/c they might never happened. my AH has been making partial payments on his child support also, but that does not mean that he gets to see the kids. i'm not trying to be mean, but just because he made a payment does not automatically make him into a responsible parent. JMO.
i'm not too good w/ legal issues, but i do know that paying child support and visitation are two separate issues, that are addressed separately by law. i'm sure your lawyer can give you much better advice.
i just wanted to send you my support. you are an inspiration, the way you care for your son and your well being. stay strong and thank you for sharing your story w/ us.
hugs and hope to you and your son.
i was glad to read that you are feeling better. as far as the check in the mail goes, i agree w/ the others. i wouldn't worry about things too far ahead of time b/c they might never happened. my AH has been making partial payments on his child support also, but that does not mean that he gets to see the kids. i'm not trying to be mean, but just because he made a payment does not automatically make him into a responsible parent. JMO.
i'm not too good w/ legal issues, but i do know that paying child support and visitation are two separate issues, that are addressed separately by law. i'm sure your lawyer can give you much better advice.
i just wanted to send you my support. you are an inspiration, the way you care for your son and your well being. stay strong and thank you for sharing your story w/ us.
hugs and hope to you and your son.
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