lesliej

"I wasnt afraid to confront him out of fear"

bluejay, I beg to differ...you were terrified and paralyzed about how to speak with him. and why? because only an addict would have a love affair with a needle.

my ex sat in my psychologists office with me, on a couples "guest visit" and lied right through his teeth. I found out later, and he even admitted to enjoying the buzz of the lie. I also had been to his psychologist with him...he manipulated her as well. it was all just part of the big game plan for the addict.

I hope your man isn't doing this. but there is the possibility, especially since he is shooting up (who cares what he is shooting up...he IS shooting up...AND he did NOT reach out in the midst of it...he got BUSTED...you CAUGHT him...so he is sweeping up the mess and you seem to be lifting up the rug for both of you to sweep it under.

bluejaybird

Thanks so much for this !

bluejaybird

Thank you for sharing that with me, I dont know a lot about other types if drugs; mostly I only researched cocaine long time back when I first found out about it,

Im sorry about your ex. I know that had to really hurt even if you had doiubts from the beginning about his ability to stay clean. I hope things are getting better for you now.

I was just wondering about other diagnosis along with the drug use because Ive read a lot on here and it seems really common , and it also seems like that makes it a lot more difficult for people to stop the drugs because they use it in some way to attemp self medication.

Regardless, Im glad that you got out of what was a bad situation for you. Thanks again for sharing with me. Ive learned so much here from eveyone who has shared their lives.

bluejaybird

I think the hair testing is pretty solid also. I think that is why his emplier is using it for its employees, plus it is also a little less invasive in my opinion that taking a urine sample.

I dont mean everyone told me to investigate and snoop on my boyfriend, but a lot of people kept saying that I couldnt trust what he said if he was in active addiction, and that I needed to verify, and double check what he was telling me, look for proof. Everytime I said that he told me this, and that I believed him, or by going by my instincts I thought he was telling the truth - people kept saying oh no you cant trust him, and I was just easy to fool, and I had to verify and get proof.

But I think just going back to my insticts is the best way to go. Just knowing his normal, and if he changes I will see it in time, Maybe not day 1, but in time, And hopefully he wont !

I guess right now if he relapsed I feel like I would have to wait and see how bad it was, how it affected me living with him and our relationship. When he was using at his worst I didnt know him, but he was still fully functional and did well at his job and all that. He makes good money, so he has never had problems where he couldnt afford it and got into any trouble that way,

There are just a lot of unknowns when your dealing with addiction.

bluejaybird

Leslie you are right, I was terrified that he had started injecting again. I would not want him to go down that road again, and I was worried that is what happened. No doubts about that. But the real reason I didnt confront him was at first I was in shock because I had never seen a needle before in our home, and then the more i convinced myself he had started using I kept thinking that when he was ready tp accept it; he would tell me, and I didnt want to pressure him.

I kept thinking all about his feelings, and what he needed, and I made the huge mistake of not seeing how terrinbly upset I was making myself worrying about it, and not facing it head on. And also everyone at SR here also made me see that there was also a physical risk of being intimate with him if he was injecting and getting high.

So I made a mistake on several levels by not talking to him directly.

All I can hope is that Ive learned a valuable lesson and I think I have.

Personally I think he would have still told me about it, but not until he got to the point emotionally where he felt ready. It might not have even been for a long time after he stopped; he has stopped by the way. But I mean really his desire to inject saline, and what he did to obtain it is something he has to figure out for himself. If he told me then we could have talked about it, and he could have shared his feelings, but he has to find the answers and the solutions himself.

It was really neat going to the doctor and seeing how he is trained to make you think and maybe see things from a different perspective on your own.

You are the second person to tell me they too went with their boyfriend to see his doctor. I knew it wasnt that weird... not when your in a solid relationship.

But just like the other person yours is now an Ex. Sorry about that, hope you are working through and recovering from it. I havent read any of your post about you I dont think. Im just curious and will ask you the same as I did the other person; what was your boyfriends drug, and did he have other diagnosis that went along with the drug use?

Thanks for sharing about your visit to the psych doctor with yoru ex. helps to hear others experiences.

amaslow

[I]I guess right now if he relapsed I feel like I would have to wait and see how bad it was, how it affected me living with him and our relationship. When he was using at his worst I didnt know him, but he was still fully functional and did well at his job and all that. He makes good money, so he has never had problems where he couldnt afford it and got into any trouble that way,

All this punches my buttons so much I can hardly make myself be appropriate!! I sincerely would love for all this to work out for you!! But based on what I have seen , the prognosis for your relationship is not good...We all struggle with denial.. and defensivenss as a result of that denail... The challenge is getting humble and being willing to not rely on our own judgement.., but to see things through the eyes of those who have been there..You have a long tough road ahead of you.. God bless you.

bluejaybird

Sorry amaslow I dont mean to upset you. But Im not sure what you think Im in denial about. I know my boyfriends history. Ive been living with him for over a year, I have been through one relapse and we made it out ok, and in fact it didnt really affect me. I know he has been close right now. I admitted I made mistakes in not confronting him and holding in my pain - that is humble. But I dont understand what you mean about not relying on my own judgement, I cant agree with that. I am listening to others and what they tell me. All situations are not the same, and while I feel for peoples pain and realize they may have been where I am and had the same feeling I do now, I cant just speculate that my relationship will end the same, or that my boyfriend will end up the same. Hope I phrased that ok; Im not trying to be defensive Im just saying what I feel.

Jody675

bluejay, you do realise you dont have to defend your decisions on here. you seem to spending a lot of energy replying to everyone who has anything to say. if you are happy that you are making the right choice for you, based on what you have learnt and know, then you dont have to defend it. it shouldnt matter to you what others say. if you have listened to what those who have walked in your shoes, many a time, and understand that they are just sharing their opinion based on their very VAST experience, and are just very concerned for you, for they see you making the same mistakes they made in the beginning, but if you are clear that you have made the right choice then just let everyone have their say and say thank you and i appreciate your concern, and i hear what you are saying. store the info they share, and when or if he relapses, you will have a larger arsenal of info to help you battle the beast next time.

but i think what is getting people a little upset is that you think you know what you are up against, and you have no idea. i have no idea. i left my addict bf a month ago because his actions and words didnt match. so i never got in deep. (the people on this site helped me sift through my desire to be there for him and help him through this.) being humble would be more like, i really appreciate all your advise and concern, and i know i have a lot to learn and i hope that my bf is doing what he says he is doing, but i will keep my eyes open and just deal with each day, and stay true to myself. just accepting that you have no clue of what COULD lie ahead of you, and that you are powerless to change it, would be better than defending your decisions as if you have all the answers. no one here does.

i wish you all the luck and hope that your bf is truly on the road of recovery, and that your life continues on a positive and drug free path.

bluejaybird

Good point Jody, As was mentioned earlier by someone; my post was really just meant to tell what happened at the appointment, because Ive been posting for a few weeks and I wanted to update everyone.

I have been replying because I do appreciate the time people take to reply to me, and I know that they are sharing their own personal stories, and their own beliefs.

I wont change the tone of my replies just because people dont think Im humble enough however. the funny thing is that a lot of people are replying as they DO KNOW what WILL happen.

Im sort of up late on the computer because Im waiting for this ebay listing to end that Im bidding on; guess Ive had extra time tonight and Ive gone wild replying.

So goodnight all. Thanks again for your time.

Sunshine2

Just one last point: You could of course wait and see how bad it is if he does replapse. Just remember that adiction is a progressive disease.

I cannot tell you how much I learnt by reading as much as I could on the Substance abuse forum and in the area where people share My Story. I have never been addicted to anything but cigarettes and I know that in order for me to finally stop 4 years ago, I closed the door in my mind.

Reading how hard the struggle is for addicts to find recovery and how determined they have to be, opened my eyes to how easy it would be to relapse if your whole heart is not in it. It also made me feel more compassionate and understanding of my son, even though I won't spend time with him when he is high.

interrupted

You are welcome here, Bluejaybird; your share is welcomed here. I know that personally, even when the specifics of any given situation don't align exactly, I still learn from reading the share. Please keep sharing.