A Mother's Pain
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Boca Raton, FL
Posts: 1
A Mother's Pain
Hello everyone, this is the first time I have ever joined a Message Board, but I wanted to reach out to those who have struggled with drugs for some help. My son who is 17 was into smoking weed heavily. I am not familiar with drugs and have never raised my kids around people who do. I tried very hard to keep my boys out of that type of life, but it didn't work. Last year he went crazy because I took his phone away and I ended up paying the price for it. He called his father who is in another country and told him I beat him. Well the police came to arrest me for child abuse and when they saw my injuries, the tables turned. He was charged with domestic violence and for a year we have been going back and forth to court. Mind you his father who never took the time to call me to find out the facts, stopped paying child support and did not call him once during this whole year. Because of all of this, he tried to commit suicide and was baker acted.
Because my son failed all of his court order drug test, he had to enter a drug rehab for teens and after a month he left. But he was doing great. A totally changed child. Well 2 days ago we went to court and instead of probation, the Judge closed his case. He had alot of support from alot of programs and even the probation office stated in court that after reviewing his case and speaking to my son, he seemed like a wonderful kid who made a mistake. Drug test came back negative and he was in the straight path to success. He is very talented and even wrote a song about his struggles with suicide. Everyone involved with his case heard the song and had a very positive reaction.
As a mother I was proud of him and once we left court, I was able to breathe and know that all of this was finally over. WELL, not less than 12 hours out of court, he comes home at 4 am, drunk and admitted to smoking weed. REALLY!!!.
I feel like such a fool. I spent every vacation day going back and forth to court/drug rehab/therapy. I had to move out of my apartment because I could no longer afford it due to all the fees I had to pay. And this is how he repaid me. I need help trying to figure out how to handle this. I want to hurt this kid so bad. I want to help him because I do not want to see my child in the street, but I don't know what to say or what to do. I feel like soon I won't have any other choice but to kick him out.
Sorry for the long entry, I just need to get this pain out. If you want to hear the song, here it is. It's a rap song, so for those who don't like rap, just listen to the words. (It's on You Tube called We Shine, under Juan Baez)
Because my son failed all of his court order drug test, he had to enter a drug rehab for teens and after a month he left. But he was doing great. A totally changed child. Well 2 days ago we went to court and instead of probation, the Judge closed his case. He had alot of support from alot of programs and even the probation office stated in court that after reviewing his case and speaking to my son, he seemed like a wonderful kid who made a mistake. Drug test came back negative and he was in the straight path to success. He is very talented and even wrote a song about his struggles with suicide. Everyone involved with his case heard the song and had a very positive reaction.
As a mother I was proud of him and once we left court, I was able to breathe and know that all of this was finally over. WELL, not less than 12 hours out of court, he comes home at 4 am, drunk and admitted to smoking weed. REALLY!!!.
I feel like such a fool. I spent every vacation day going back and forth to court/drug rehab/therapy. I had to move out of my apartment because I could no longer afford it due to all the fees I had to pay. And this is how he repaid me. I need help trying to figure out how to handle this. I want to hurt this kid so bad. I want to help him because I do not want to see my child in the street, but I don't know what to say or what to do. I feel like soon I won't have any other choice but to kick him out.
Sorry for the long entry, I just need to get this pain out. If you want to hear the song, here it is. It's a rap song, so for those who don't like rap, just listen to the words. (It's on You Tube called We Shine, under Juan Baez)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Dear WeShine,
I am the mother of a 21-year-old RAS (IV heroin/opiates). My son, too, started with weed (which his bio father, my XH, condoned and allowed my underage son and his friends to smoke in his home). Fast forward several years later, and my son is on probation (again), but is now attending an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) away from the area where he lived with his father. He is doing as well as a 21-year-old addicted to heroin/opiates can do.
His father's influence in his life has grown so sick, damaging and destructive (death threats, among other atrocities, hand-in-hand with the most egregious enabling one can imagine) that my son has been counseled by his clinician to have no contact with his father. It is a terrible situation, and I think what struck me in your post was your mention of how you wanted to hurt your son. I know that is anguish and anger expressing itself, but please be aware that there is always the risk of following a very dark path if you do not reach out for help for yourself.
If you have not attended Alanon, Naranon or Families Anonymous, I STRONGLY urge you to find a meeting in your area and go. My son's father refuses to get help and has refused for years the suggestions of professionals, colleagues, family members and friends to do so, scorns those who suggest it, and insists he has no problem at all so why should he sit around and listen to other people's problems or waste time with a therapist, which is all b****s***?
Reaching out to SR is an excellent choice and you will find enormous help, support, information and wisdom here. You may come to find it a lifeline like no other. I have, and I attend in-person meetings, as well as occasional one-on-one counseling.
One suggestion I will make, since your son attempted suicide, have you investigated dual-diagnosis programs? Is he under the care of a psychiatrist? Does he have a therapist?
It is not at all unusual for a teen (or anyone for that matter) to do well in rehab and relapse within hours. He was only there for a month, which is way too little time for almost all addicts. A structured program of aftercare is non-negotiable. It is never finally over.
Read as much as you can, here and elsewhere. There are many books about addiction written by parents of addicts; these books are eye-opening and invaluable. EDUCATE YOURSELF. You will be at the mercy of the beast of addiction if you do not arm yourself with knowledge and surround yourself with experienced support.
Many others will be here to lend support and make excellent suggestions. Everyone here on SR is amazing in one way or another (some in many ways), and all, newcomers and old-timers, will teach you something.
Wishing you a clear head and a calm heart, and the blessings of peace. You are not alone.
I am the mother of a 21-year-old RAS (IV heroin/opiates). My son, too, started with weed (which his bio father, my XH, condoned and allowed my underage son and his friends to smoke in his home). Fast forward several years later, and my son is on probation (again), but is now attending an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) away from the area where he lived with his father. He is doing as well as a 21-year-old addicted to heroin/opiates can do.
His father's influence in his life has grown so sick, damaging and destructive (death threats, among other atrocities, hand-in-hand with the most egregious enabling one can imagine) that my son has been counseled by his clinician to have no contact with his father. It is a terrible situation, and I think what struck me in your post was your mention of how you wanted to hurt your son. I know that is anguish and anger expressing itself, but please be aware that there is always the risk of following a very dark path if you do not reach out for help for yourself.
If you have not attended Alanon, Naranon or Families Anonymous, I STRONGLY urge you to find a meeting in your area and go. My son's father refuses to get help and has refused for years the suggestions of professionals, colleagues, family members and friends to do so, scorns those who suggest it, and insists he has no problem at all so why should he sit around and listen to other people's problems or waste time with a therapist, which is all b****s***?
Reaching out to SR is an excellent choice and you will find enormous help, support, information and wisdom here. You may come to find it a lifeline like no other. I have, and I attend in-person meetings, as well as occasional one-on-one counseling.
One suggestion I will make, since your son attempted suicide, have you investigated dual-diagnosis programs? Is he under the care of a psychiatrist? Does he have a therapist?
It is not at all unusual for a teen (or anyone for that matter) to do well in rehab and relapse within hours. He was only there for a month, which is way too little time for almost all addicts. A structured program of aftercare is non-negotiable. It is never finally over.
Read as much as you can, here and elsewhere. There are many books about addiction written by parents of addicts; these books are eye-opening and invaluable. EDUCATE YOURSELF. You will be at the mercy of the beast of addiction if you do not arm yourself with knowledge and surround yourself with experienced support.
Many others will be here to lend support and make excellent suggestions. Everyone here on SR is amazing in one way or another (some in many ways), and all, newcomers and old-timers, will teach you something.
Wishing you a clear head and a calm heart, and the blessings of peace. You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: richmond hill Ga
Posts: 9
Please Please help. I have a wonderful 13 year old son who has recently admitted to using marijuana he is on house arrest for a really poor judgement call on his behalf. I decided to start having him tested through my doctor's office for recent use, it came back from the lab clean. I took him to a court appointed counselor and before he left they drug screened him. They said the line was faint but it was positive, I call the doctor's office back and the physician claims that a faint line means it is neg on a 5 panel rapid screen but, the counselor is reporting to probation that this is a positive result and he is at risk of being removed for violation. I am freaking out because we also, have a compliance order so we are at risk of losing him, being arrested, and possibly resulting in the demotion of my husband's rank in service(and investigation of our competency of having our other 4 children) a big mess and no answers
Present
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
moved to its own topic here
Originally Posted by MeredithD1 
Greetings, friends,
Our new poster Worried5699 put a post up in a sticky and I am moving it here as a favor. I PM'd Worried5699 too.
thanks.
Our new poster Worried5699 put a post up in a sticky and I am moving it here as a favor. I PM'd Worried5699 too.
thanks.
Originally Posted by worried5699
Please Please help. I have a wonderful 13 year old son who has recently admitted to using marijuana he is on house arrest for a really poor judgement call on his behalf. I decided to start having him tested through my doctor's office for recent use, it came back from the lab clean. I took him to a court appointed counselor and before he left they drug screened him. They said the line was faint but it was positive, I call the doctor's office back and the physician claims that a faint line means it is neg on a 5 panel rapid screen but, the counselor is reporting to probation that this is a positive result and he is at risk of being removed for violation. I am freaking out because we also, have a compliance order so we are at risk of losing him, being arrested, and possibly resulting in the demotion of my husband's rank in service(and investigation of our competency of having our other 4 children) a big mess and no answers
Present
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
Originally Posted by WeShine
As a mother I was proud of him and once we left court, I was able to breathe and know that all of this was finally over. WELL, not less than 12 hours out of court, he comes home at 4 am, drunk and admitted to smoking weed. REALLY!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Welcome WeShine. I'm really sorry for the reasons that brought you here, but glad you found this community. I would echo the suggestion that praying Mama made to read and educate yourself; check out the posts here and find an Alanon, Naranon, FA or CA meeting in your area and try a few meetings. The face to face support is amazing. I made lifelong friends through Naranon and many were like me - parents of a young adult with a serious addiction problem.
Others will be around soon to share their experiences.
Others will be around soon to share their experiences.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
I'm so sorry, WeShine, that you are going through this nightmare. I can't tell you what to do, but I know I have been there for years for my son, and the only thing different is that we are both older and tired. The addiction hasn't stopped. Sacrificing your every day off and jumping when they ask, never has worked for me.
Your son is young. I pray that he gets his head on straight while he is young because it only gets more difficult. It sounds like he does have a desire to be strong, but when he felt "free" of court supervision, he let it go.
I pray you find peace in the storm. There are so many voics here that are much wiser than I, and I hope you keep coming to this site to gain encouragement and support.
Your son is young. I pray that he gets his head on straight while he is young because it only gets more difficult. It sounds like he does have a desire to be strong, but when he felt "free" of court supervision, he let it go.
I pray you find peace in the storm. There are so many voics here that are much wiser than I, and I hope you keep coming to this site to gain encouragement and support.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR......this forum is full of mothers and fathers of addicts....or young people pushing the envelope to the inth degree.
Our children know us perhaps better than we know ourselves. They know which buttons to push. They know how to make us feel fear. They know how to make us spin our wheels. They get a certain amount of satisfaction out of deceiving us. The one thing I wish I had done 15 years ago (my son is now 31...started using pot and alcohol at around 15-16) is seek out support in the rooms of Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, CoDA, or any other group that could provide me with the insight that I needed. You are lightyears ahead of where I was at that stage of the game.
I hope you stick around. Ask questions. Read. Learn. Arming yourself with knowledge at this early stage will be beneficial.....
gentle hugs
ke
Our children know us perhaps better than we know ourselves. They know which buttons to push. They know how to make us feel fear. They know how to make us spin our wheels. They get a certain amount of satisfaction out of deceiving us. The one thing I wish I had done 15 years ago (my son is now 31...started using pot and alcohol at around 15-16) is seek out support in the rooms of Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, CoDA, or any other group that could provide me with the insight that I needed. You are lightyears ahead of where I was at that stage of the game.
I hope you stick around. Ask questions. Read. Learn. Arming yourself with knowledge at this early stage will be beneficial.....
gentle hugs
ke
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Welcome to SR, WeShine. You will find many mothers here who understands your feelings 100%.
Will your son be willing to go back to rehab? You do need to set boundaries of what you will and won't accept in your house and then follow through with them.
My son also started off smoking weed and continued for many years (still smoking). He became physical with me as well and called me many names. I understand your anger so well. For me my anger was hiding a deep sadness about the wasted life of my son.
One of the most important thing you will have to do, is to start looking after your own welfare. If you don't, the situation with your son will take a high toll on your health and mental well-being.
Stick around at SR. It helped me to educate myself and to stop feeling like I was the one with a problem and that I was going crazy.
Good luck and you and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Will your son be willing to go back to rehab? You do need to set boundaries of what you will and won't accept in your house and then follow through with them.
My son also started off smoking weed and continued for many years (still smoking). He became physical with me as well and called me many names. I understand your anger so well. For me my anger was hiding a deep sadness about the wasted life of my son.
One of the most important thing you will have to do, is to start looking after your own welfare. If you don't, the situation with your son will take a high toll on your health and mental well-being.
Stick around at SR. It helped me to educate myself and to stop feeling like I was the one with a problem and that I was going crazy.
Good luck and you and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
I am sorry for what your going through I listened to your sons song and he is talented.
I just wanted to add your not alone and there is a lot of good information in the stickies at the top of the page. I also have a son who has been violent to others and very close to being violent with me. You and your son will be in my prayers.
I just wanted to add your not alone and there is a lot of good information in the stickies at the top of the page. I also have a son who has been violent to others and very close to being violent with me. You and your son will be in my prayers.
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