Gingerz

Fight w hubby

Last night I had a fight w my husband .i was expressing my concern that he drinks everyday (my excuse for my own relapse was that I just wanted to be a part of his fun) turned into a big deal because he was telling me now is not the time I've had some drinks my response was when aren't you having drinks. There are always neighbors over here drinking with him and I'm not sure how to handle it . On his days off he plans for getting drunk and never plans on taking me and our baby somewhere fun ! I try and hang out with him and our friends while they are drinking but he never has sober time with me and baby alcohol always has to be involved .i feel like he loves alcohol more than us sometimes vent over thanks !!

octoberrain

Make the "friends" uncomfortable then they will not come over. Try talking to them and let them know that drinking is not your thing now that you have a child. Tell them to go somewhere else. It is your home too! You do not need your child to grow up thinking this drinking all the time is ok. If so, you will have another alcoholic on your hands.

Gingerz

Great advice !! I spoke with one neighbor this am and he gets it and I'm going on a walk with the other one this evening and plan on speaking to her about it also I def don't want my baby to think drinking everyday is normal !!

catlovermi

If your husband drinks every day, and your child lives in the same place, your child is already going to grow up thinking this is "normal."

CLMI

Sailing2012

I am dealing too with trying to keep neighbors away. They are all negative influences on our lives. It won't be fun but we will find who our true friends are if they can't respect our non alcoholic home and new lifestyle. Good luck!

Gingerz

Cat I understand this and my husband is making effort towards changing these last 2nights no beer in front of baby!! But neighbors who always want to drink here is no help

kmangel

I never liked my husband smoking in our house and he didn't. He would smoke outside. However, we had friends who smoked and when they came over to have dinner with us, they would all light up in the house. I never understood why my husband would do that when friends came over but not when it was just the two of us. He certainly knew it upset me but he still did it. I would be really steaming after a night of smelling smoke. I finally told our friends that I didn't like smoke in my house. She was very apologetic. Of course it wasn't her fault. It never should have happened in the first place.

catlovermi

Just keep in mind that "no beer in front of" a child just means now that child grows up thinking drinking IN SECRET and acting like it doesn't exist is "normal."

Read up about Adult Children of Alcoholics. One of their primary characteristics is they have difficulty knowing what is real, because they grew up in a situation where what they observed was brushed off and they were told what they experienced as reality wasn't what they thought. The grow up stuffing their feelings back, because they feel they are feeling in error, being told by their adults that all is "normal" and "ok." The adults around them live lies, daily, and this confuses developing children. They see, and hear, and feel, everything - they know something isn't right. And when their primary co-dependent care taker acts as if nothing is wrong, this messes up their developing minds and outlooks on life.

You absolutely cannot hide alcoholism from a child in the household; to think you can is denial.

CLMI

Gingerz

I meant to say no beer at all the last 2 nights !

kmangel

Early in my marriage, before children, my husband would drink to excess from time to time. Not nightly, or weekly. Maybe a couple times a year. He would get stinking drunk. We then had our infant son and my husband came home from a football game so drunk he couldn't get inside the door. He had to sleep out on the porch. The next day I told him that it was us or drink--but he couldn't have both. I told him I didn't want our son ever seeing his father passed out on the porch. He chose to stop getting drunk. He was embarrassed to find himself out on the porch first thing that morning. Consequences taught him a lesson I think. My husband was able to give it up without any difficulty. He was not an alcoholic.

Two nights not drinking is a start. I hope he will give it up permanently. If he decides he can't give up his beer, then you have a problem. His not drinking around your child will only be temporary if he is an alcoholic.

Jody675

i dated a guy who drank a lot. drank a lot for years, then quit for he saw he had a problem (just stopped no program), didnt drink AT ALL for a year, then met me, and i like to social drink, a wine with dinner, but not every day, but he started drinking with me, and then he started drinking alone alot. i commented on it a few times that his drinking had increased since we met, and he acknowledged it. we broke up because i said i didnt want addiciton in my life (he also use to abuse drugs, and when we met was taking acid a few times a year), so he chose me over all these things, and quit (again just cold turkey), so we started dating again, but then a couple of weeks later, when we went out with his friend (who he liked to party with), and they had a few, then the next day when i was having dinner with him, he was drinking again. he had already told me that he had a problem with self control, and that he knew he couldnt even afford to have 1 drink, for he would then justify having more, and here he was back to drinking, and when questioned, he said he didnt want to be too hard on himself, and would just see where things went. which i pointed out we already knew where they went. i left the next day and havent spoken to him since. if they are quitting because of themselves, then they have a chance, but if they are only doing it for someone else, no matter how important they are, and how much they mean their words when they say them, the chances are very low that they will keep their word. i wish you luck and hope that you keep posting in here, for im going to guess youre in for a bumpy road. from my very limited experience on this, my advise would be to be clear with your boundaries, and then stick to them. dont make excuses for him as to why he keeps breaking them, for they will keep testing them until they realise they no longer have to abide by them for you will stay regardless. my ex husband learnt the hard way that eventually you reach the end of your line.

good luck to you and your baby. protect him more than your husband for he is the one that doesnt have ANY choice in this.

Gingerz

Well it was a week of no drinking and now he is drinking but not as much as before (yet) not sure what to do ?! Time will tell thank you guys for sharing your stories and giving advice !