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Addict Emergency!!! Hi all. Well, Addict Emergency... My xAH harrrasses me all day yesterday via text messaging. Mind you, restraining order. My boundary in regards to the order...I only will communicate if it involves the children. He already violated the order once and I had him arrested. I am waiting for the scheduled court date for that issue. I document everything. Wonderful app for the iPhone called SMS export. You can backup the text messages you want to save print them and then delete them from your phone so you don't have them ever present in your face. I was saving everything on my phone for court and it was driving me insane to have them in my face all day. Thank you to my IT department who helped me. Back to my post... So, harrassment is he needs to borrow my car for work today. His truck is in the shop. I say no. He continues to be relentless. I say no. He can do one of several things: 1. rent a car 2. call his parents 3. call one of his sisters 4. get a ride from a friend/neighbor 5. public transportation 6. ask his daughter for a ride. No, he wants my vehicle for the day. He has no insurance, has multiple traffic violations and a CDS possession in a motor vehicle charge pending court date AND is actively using. Sure...let me just give you the keys to my car and I will just rearrange my day for you. NOT!!! So I stand firm with no and proceed with my evening and come to work today. This morning I receive a text he was laid off becuz I would not allow him to use MY car and he was forced to call out of work. Really?!!! If he can figure out a way to go buy his drugs then he can figure out a way to get to work. We live separate lives and he can manage just fine. Still no accountability or responsibility for his actions or consequences. NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE!!! I rode the ride, got the t-shirt. I truly believe we can love our addicts to death. I can't rescue him. Helping him will only help him to continue to use and face no consequences. So what incentive would there be to stop using drugs? None. Awareness and acceptance is the key to moving forward in my life. He will never get clean unless he hits his bottom. This is his business not mine. He will continue to be in denial because he will not accept responsibility for anything. Again, not my concern. Love the word NO!!! When I have to THINK (thoughtful, honest, intelligent, necessary, kind) and it all escapes me it is such a relief to say No. When I want to scream your stupid a$s fault you have no credit card to rent a car because all your money went to drugs...I can just say No. When I want to say all the money you spent on drugs you could have a brand new car...I can just say No. Just for today...I will continue to work my program. I start a second job next week to supplement my income. I worry about ME and MY children. He is a grown man and I am not his mother. I only had two children not three. Thank you all for letting me vent! Thank you all for your continued support. Hugs. Marlene :ring |
Well......this post was titled appropriately.....it was the addict's emergency......not yours! Sounds like your boundaries were horse high, pig tight and bull strong. Good job! When I here things like: This morning I receive a text he was laid off becuz I would not allow him to use MY car and he was forced to call out of work. Really?!!! Walking with you....... gentle hugs ke |
Great post, great job!!!!!!!!! I hope you are giving yourself the praise and credit you deserve. |
I like the THINK acronym. |
Good for you. I just had to do that to my AS. I am sure if he gets fired he will blame me also. |
Marlene you ARE incredible!!!!! Keep saying 'NO' - one day at a time... your children have an amazing mother... you go girl!!! |
Boy does that whole scenario sound familiar. It got to the point if my ex said it was raining outside I had better go look out the window and check. I don't know if you ever heard this before but~How can you tell if an addict is lying their lips are moving. And for those that think i am picking on addicts, I am a recovering addict of 8 years and when I was in my disease, when my lips were moving I was definitely lying or trying to con something out of you. God I am so blessed not to have to live that way anymore, but it took a lot of work. You are so right he has to hit a bottom, and that is his problem not yours. I hope the rest of your day is peaceful & drama free.:You_Rock_ |
Thank you so much for your post! I'm just learning to use the word NO with my AH. It's a little scary at first but when I told him NO last night, the sky didn't crash down on my head or anything!! :) Keep up the great work! You are to be admired for your strength! Also, thanks for the tip on the iPhone texts. Have a great rest of your day! |
I wouldn't be surprised if there is a little something in your car that he is trying to retrieve... one of my favorite lines that I found on SR is "if you can't say NO then YES is meaningless" love that one. good job holding your boundaries! |
God job (((((Marlene)))))!!!!!!! It is such a small word, but has great meaning, and it is so hard to say without adding some sort of explanation. You did really good. As to his text this morning, blaming you for being laid off ................QUACK. Now he has another excuse to go and use some more. Sending good thoughts and prayers that this is a good day for you and your children! Love and hugs, |
Originally Posted by Farfalla
(Post 3505871)
If he can figure out a way to go buy his drugs then he can figure out a way to get to work. We live separate lives and he can manage just fine. Still no accountability or responsibility for his actions or consequences. NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE!!! I rode the ride, got the t-shirt. My exCH was always putting the guilt trip on me. "I couldn't get to the job interview because you weren't talking to me and wouldn't pick me up." Ah, ok but you found your way 20 miles down the road to the crack house with no prob mate. |
I hope to be where you are soon, Marlene! I think your ex-AH and my AH must be twins or something because that whole texting, begging, blame, lost a job scenario is right out of my AH's play book. Last week I spent the better part of my day running all over trying to fax info that AH needed for his new job. I kept thinking if this doesn't get done he will blame me for losing the job. I've spent so long doing his bidding and taking blame it is an easy trap to fall into. You seem so strong and resolute! |
Can you block his texts? why even see them and put yourself through the stress? |
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