octoberrain

Is it always a bad thing? Like to have a glass of wine with diner or a beer with clams. People toast at weddings and other occasions. My AS makes me feel guilty if I do this. When I try to talk to my AS about his using he says, well you drink. Is this just a way for him to justify his using?

suki44883

If you don't have an alcohol problem, then it isn't a bad thing for you to have a glass of wine with dinner or a beer with clams. You have no reason to feel guilty. His addiction is not your problem and yes, him saying that is him trying to justify his using.

lightseeker

the way I look at it is like me with potato chips. Maybe some of you lucky people can eat just a few - or at least a normal amount. Me though - once I start - it's all over but the crying. I have NO ability to stop - it's like I am crazed.

Now....I can grab a beer and leave 1/2 of it. Stop after a glass or two of wine.

My point is, we all have different issues. Alcohol/drugs are not my issues....food and relationships with addicts are my issues.

IMO....you are hearing some justifcation for his choices.

sevenofnine

I like me a beer, and even some pot. Neither have ever cause me problems in my life, and I've discussed my use of both with my doc. I also am able to use my narcotics exactly as prescribed with no temptation to take more. Just don't leave any candy around after I've smoked the pot- I WILL EAT IT ALL!!!
As lightseeker says, different people will struggle with different things.

octoberrain

Thank you for responding.

kmangel

There are even reports now that say a glass or two of red wine per day is good for you. Moderation is the key--as it is with anything.

coffeebean1

What is your AS?

octoberrain

@coffeebean?

suki44883

I think coffeebean may be asking what AS stands for.

LoveMeNow

It means Addict Son. AD = Addict Daughter, AH = Addict Husband
RAS = Recovering Addict Son, etc.

(there is a sticky list of acronyms on the top of the main page)

coffeebean1

Thank you Love Me Not,

I'll take a look at the acronyms.

LoveMeNow

You're very welcome. The one that throws me is DD or DH. I believe they mean dear daughter and dear husband. Also DOC is drug of choice.

octoberrain

Sorry coffee, I am new here and did not understand what you were asking. hehe

Kindeyes

The decision to drink or not to drink is each individual's choice. I drank alcohol for most of my years from age 16 until a few years ago. And there were times during those years that I think that I drank to excess. I just made a decision one day to stop and that was that. For me, it's just not that important to drink. So I don't. Most of my friends are in 12 step programs so they don't drink. There is no social pressure for me. But my husband enjoys a beer on occasion and that's ok with me. He does not have a problem.

I don't give alcohol as gifts, no wine or booze. Someone gave me a gift of a bottle of wine a few weeks ago. I accepted it graciously. I asked husband if he wanted it and he just laughed and threw it away.....full. He doesn't like red wine. lol

The primary reason I don't drink is because I think I could fall into the pit of alcoholism. It is a preventative measure of sorts perhaps. And I feel that I can demonstrate through my own actions that life without drugs or alcohol is not only possible but preferable for me. Drugs and alcohol have impacted my life in such a negative way via my XAH and AS that I don't find comfort, satisfaction or enjoy drinking. I think drinking sends a strong message to those who are struggling. It's simply a message I choose not to send. But I don't judge anyone else who chooses to drink. It is their choice and as long as their drinking does not cause problems for me.....there is no reason it should bother me.

I didn't stop drinking FOR my son.....but I would definitely have to say that his addiction was a strong influence on my decision.

gentle hugs
ke

octoberrain

@Kind
Thank you so much for the time you take to respond. My AS is on Bath Salts. He does not drink to excess. I have seen him many times at family cook outs when everyone was drinking a beer and he would only have a soda. Alcohol is not one of his addictions.
I do not keep any alcohol in the house. I am afraid that in my condition, it would be easy for me to just drink till I pass out. hehe

Kindeyes

Yes.....sometimes it's hard to feel the feelings and go through the growing pains......stone cold sober. Wouldn't it be easier to medicate......but I simply can't go there.....I'm afraid I might not come back;-)

gentle hugs
ke

Kindeyes

Unfortunately my son's drug of choice is "more". His preference is meth or pot but if alcohol or heroin is available......that'll do.

Addiction is very hard on a mother's heart......but with help.....my heart is strong and still beating.

Walking with you, dear.

gentle hugs
ke

octoberrain

KE, I think my AS did meth also. It is the same high as the Bath Salts. I think he started doing the bath salts because it does not show up on a drug test. There is a test now for bath salts and it is very expensive. So unless there is reason to believe it is that it is not tested for.

BeingStill

Octoberrain~ I do drink on occasion. I used to drink more (like a glass of wine several times a week), but I now keep a dry house since my son moved back in. He's been in recovery (drugs and alcohol) for the last two years, and I've kept a dry house for two years. Because my drinking went from regularly to not even monthly, I've found that my tolerance is way less than it used to be. But I'm not opposed to drinking socially.

I choose to keep a dry house because I just don't feel comfortable drinking in front of my son. But that's me, not him. He knows that alcohol is something he will be around for the rest of his life, and he knows that just because he has a problem with alcohol does not mean that I can't drink.

I think when someone is in recovery and working a program they understand that. Before my son was in recovery... when I was still in the crazy place trying to reason with him... he told me that he thinks God is perfectly fine with his drinking because everyone in the Bible drank all the time. And on more than one occasion he pointed out how everyone else was drinking, so why couldn't he? Sigh. Those were the types of stupid conversations I learned to stop having with him.

Someone in active addiction uses that kind of talk as an excuse. Someone in recovery understands that not everyone needs to be abstinent.