I am new here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: troupsburg,ny
Posts: 87
I am new here
I was at my ropes end. Crying all day, trying to find help. I stumbled upon this site. I have been reading a lot and I have stopped crying.
I am like a lot of you I have read. My son is an addict. I thought bringing him home and having him back around family and people that REALLY love him would snap him out of it. I am going to a Al Anon meeting tomorrow. I can not handle this on my own. It feels like I am the only one who cares about him. I know in my mind that is not true. I just do not understand why this does not affect them like it does me. I can not understand how these drugs can mean more to him then his family. It HURTS so bad!
I am like a lot of you I have read. My son is an addict. I thought bringing him home and having him back around family and people that REALLY love him would snap him out of it. I am going to a Al Anon meeting tomorrow. I can not handle this on my own. It feels like I am the only one who cares about him. I know in my mind that is not true. I just do not understand why this does not affect them like it does me. I can not understand how these drugs can mean more to him then his family. It HURTS so bad!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: troupsburg,ny
Posts: 87
afraid to go to meeting
i am so afraid to go to this meeting tomorrow. I am afraid I will have a nervous break down. I hope it will not stop me from going. I do not know if I am strong enough for this. I feel like I am all used up
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Welcome, octoberrain. You are among friends here, many of whom have known the anguish you are experiencing as the mother of an addict. There was a time when I thought I was losing my mind, stopped eating, contemplated suicide. I thought I was alone in this misery, but no one is alone.
It can be very intimidating to attend your very first meeting, but people do it all the time. If it helps to think of it this way, consider it one of the very best, healthiest things you can do in the face of your son's problems. When you reach out for help, it sheds light, and that is always a good thing.
You will find people who understand and will welcome you with compassion and support. These are all people who have walked the path of pain. These are not people who are "above" it all; these are people who have suffered and are now seeking healing. They will help you seek healing, too.
You don't need to pretend at a meeting, or hold back your tears and fears. It will be one of the best things you can do, and will help alleviate some of that "nervous breakdown" fear.
Keep posting so you can get some of those bottled up feelings out. Everyone here has some wisdom to share. And we've all been there.
Sending you blessings.
It can be very intimidating to attend your very first meeting, but people do it all the time. If it helps to think of it this way, consider it one of the very best, healthiest things you can do in the face of your son's problems. When you reach out for help, it sheds light, and that is always a good thing.
You will find people who understand and will welcome you with compassion and support. These are all people who have walked the path of pain. These are not people who are "above" it all; these are people who have suffered and are now seeking healing. They will help you seek healing, too.
You don't need to pretend at a meeting, or hold back your tears and fears. It will be one of the best things you can do, and will help alleviate some of that "nervous breakdown" fear.
Keep posting so you can get some of those bottled up feelings out. Everyone here has some wisdom to share. And we've all been there.
Sending you blessings.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Lubbock, TX
Posts: 2
I understand how you're feeling, octoberrain...My 21-year-old daughter is a heroin addict, has been addicted to a variety of opiates since she was 14. But this is the worst nightmare. I, too, have cried and cried and berated myself and blamed myself for her problems, but I realize I can't do that anymore. I'm going to a meeting this week, as well, to see the support of others who have been and are going through same. It will only benefit us to attend meetings and seek support. We're not alone in this. We love our kids more than anything; we're moms, after all. We have to be strong for our kids when they are ready to seek sobriety. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 35
Hi welcome aboard! I'm new here but not new to the world of addicts.
I've been in relationships with addicts/alcoholics and I know having a child as an addict is much different. We love our children differently than our mates but the rules apply universally with many addicts.
I've been to those meeting although I didn't stick around they can be very useful outlets and helpful. Don't be afraid, people there have been through what you are going through and you might very well find a great amount of comfort. What is important is that you are now becoming aware and sharing and this is monumental for YOU. Addicts drain people and our lives become about the addict so we need support in what we need to do and not lose ourselves in the process.
You're taking a big step. You can do this and you will survive it just don't drive yourself insane trying to understand why an addict does what they do or why they put drugs before everyone else, it will never make sense and it will make you crazy inside. Much love to you.
I've been in relationships with addicts/alcoholics and I know having a child as an addict is much different. We love our children differently than our mates but the rules apply universally with many addicts.
I've been to those meeting although I didn't stick around they can be very useful outlets and helpful. Don't be afraid, people there have been through what you are going through and you might very well find a great amount of comfort. What is important is that you are now becoming aware and sharing and this is monumental for YOU. Addicts drain people and our lives become about the addict so we need support in what we need to do and not lose ourselves in the process.
You're taking a big step. You can do this and you will survive it just don't drive yourself insane trying to understand why an addict does what they do or why they put drugs before everyone else, it will never make sense and it will make you crazy inside. Much love to you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Lubbock, TX
Posts: 2
Octoberrain, Check this out...it's from this site, written for parents of addicts.
Click on the "Friends and Family of Substance Abusers" link above. Once there, go to "Parents "Ten Commandments" for Breaking the Enabling Cycle." Offers great advice. Blessings.
Click on the "Friends and Family of Substance Abusers" link above. Once there, go to "Parents "Ten Commandments" for Breaking the Enabling Cycle." Offers great advice. Blessings.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I'm sorry.
I'm glad you found us.
Please go to the Al-Anon meeting tomorrow. I promise you, going to Al-Anon will help you. Don't worry about having a nervous breakdown there. Likely we ALL did when we first went. I know I did. All I could do the first two weeks was ball my eyes out each and every meeting.
(((hugs))) octoberrain.
I'm glad you found us.
Please go to the Al-Anon meeting tomorrow. I promise you, going to Al-Anon will help you. Don't worry about having a nervous breakdown there. Likely we ALL did when we first went. I know I did. All I could do the first two weeks was ball my eyes out each and every meeting.
(((hugs))) octoberrain.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
I do hope you make it to the meeting. This is such a very sad thing to watch someone you love so much spiral out of control. I, too, and the mom of an addict son and feel you pain. Support does help. Keep coming here and find a meeting that works for you.
You are not alone, and I'm so very sorry you are on this journey. I care.
You are not alone, and I'm so very sorry you are on this journey. I care.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Knoxville, TN
Posts: 97
Octoberian,
True understanding of this disease is a process and you are on the journey. I too, have family members who think my daughter is making conscious decisions to use drugs and be an addict...She did make decisions at one time, but once she became addicted, she was out of control.. The pain of using has to reach them.. But really,very few people go into treatment because they want to of their own free will..It is usually because all the support systems are gone and they have no other choice or because they have legal problems... Hang in there. This site will be blessing to you!
True understanding of this disease is a process and you are on the journey. I too, have family members who think my daughter is making conscious decisions to use drugs and be an addict...She did make decisions at one time, but once she became addicted, she was out of control.. The pain of using has to reach them.. But really,very few people go into treatment because they want to of their own free will..It is usually because all the support systems are gone and they have no other choice or because they have legal problems... Hang in there. This site will be blessing to you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
Don't be afraid of your first meeting. You will be welcomed warmly by people that care for you the minute you walk through the door.
We were all you, once, broken and scared and hopeless.
I was surprised at my first meeting that there were some smiles and how welcome I felt. Not like any other "first time meeting" I had experienced.
Now when I see newcomers I can see me "then" and know that I have had some real growth and have taken some of my life back for my own. We all have a soft spot for newcomers and want to share this gift of serenity with you.
We were all you, once, broken and scared and hopeless.
I was surprised at my first meeting that there were some smiles and how welcome I felt. Not like any other "first time meeting" I had experienced.
Now when I see newcomers I can see me "then" and know that I have had some real growth and have taken some of my life back for my own. We all have a soft spot for newcomers and want to share this gift of serenity with you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: troupsburg,ny
Posts: 87
Thank you everyone. I am crying again because it feels good to know I am not just over reacting. That many feel or have felt the way I am. I am glad I found you all. Thank you. It means a lot
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
you are so not alone....I really hope that you will go to that meeting tomorrow. And give it at least 6 chances. If you don't like the one that you go to seek out some other ones.
I remember my first meeting and I was really scared to.....I was grateful that they were welcoming and I have learned so much. One of the things that I learned is that helping myself is the best thing for any situation that I am in. I thought that going to Alanon would give me suggestions for how to help the addict in my life - instead, I learned about helping me.
Let us know how the meeting goes! Welcome - I hope that you keep coing back.
I remember my first meeting and I was really scared to.....I was grateful that they were welcoming and I have learned so much. One of the things that I learned is that helping myself is the best thing for any situation that I am in. I thought that going to Alanon would give me suggestions for how to help the addict in my life - instead, I learned about helping me.
Let us know how the meeting goes! Welcome - I hope that you keep coing back.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Welcome October rain, I too am the Mom of a 22 year old AS on Heroin. He has gone into hiding due to the last theft from our home and we are no contact with him. He stole from us over and over each time we tried to "help" him. I have learned that I am powerless over him and my life had become unmanageable. Letting go is never easy and it isn't "one and done". We have to let go time and time again (sometimes minute by minute).
Please seek the help you need because no one needs to be alone through this hell on earth of addiction.
Blessings, hugs peace
Teresa
Please seek the help you need because no one needs to be alone through this hell on earth of addiction.
Blessings, hugs peace
Teresa
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR.....I hope you find support and comfort here.
Another Mom here.....my son is 31. We've been dealing with this progressive disease since he was 15-16 years old. This takes a tremendous toll on a mother's heart. There are many of us here on SR walking a similar path. You are not alone.
I would also like to encourage you to go to an Al-anon and/or NarAnon meeting. I go to two meetings a week....one of which is a Step study. I have found tremendous relief in those rooms. I had to reach a pretty low point before I could really embrace the important messages there.
People told me to keep going back....it works if you work it.....so I did. I didn't "get it" for a very long time....but I kept going. As my fog cleared, I began to understand. It has literally saved my life.
I hope you stick around. Learn. Pull from the strength and wisdom of others who are walking this path.........they all help me every day and I will be eternally grateful.
You and your dear son will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Another Mom here.....my son is 31. We've been dealing with this progressive disease since he was 15-16 years old. This takes a tremendous toll on a mother's heart. There are many of us here on SR walking a similar path. You are not alone.
I would also like to encourage you to go to an Al-anon and/or NarAnon meeting. I go to two meetings a week....one of which is a Step study. I have found tremendous relief in those rooms. I had to reach a pretty low point before I could really embrace the important messages there.
People told me to keep going back....it works if you work it.....so I did. I didn't "get it" for a very long time....but I kept going. As my fog cleared, I began to understand. It has literally saved my life.
I hope you stick around. Learn. Pull from the strength and wisdom of others who are walking this path.........they all help me every day and I will be eternally grateful.
You and your dear son will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
((((Octoberrain)))) I am a mother of 2 addicted sons (AS's) aged 27 and 24, I also have an addicted husband.(AH) I was scared to go to my first meeting as well I gathered the courage and went I was so happy I did... you don't have too say a word if you don't want too. You can just sit and listen everyone is so nice and keep in mind each and everyone of them came to the meeting a "first" time as well.
You can do it I know you can.
You can do it I know you can.
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
Octoberrain,
I really hope that you do go to the Meeting. You will be so very glad that you did. It's the commaraderie that I find in the meetings that mean so much to me. To know that I am not alone in dealing with all of this unimaginable pain & terror plus something that is not possible to understand ever, helps me in too many ways to list. And I can be there for others like me who are so lost & terrified because of the horrible addictions of their loved ones. The meetings are a reprieve & a time of refreshing. Please don't miss it.
I am the Mother of a 36 yr. old addict/alcoholic. My beautiful son has been taken captive by this horrible disease. Keep coming back here too. ((((((((HUGS))))))))
I really hope that you do go to the Meeting. You will be so very glad that you did. It's the commaraderie that I find in the meetings that mean so much to me. To know that I am not alone in dealing with all of this unimaginable pain & terror plus something that is not possible to understand ever, helps me in too many ways to list. And I can be there for others like me who are so lost & terrified because of the horrible addictions of their loved ones. The meetings are a reprieve & a time of refreshing. Please don't miss it.
I am the Mother of a 36 yr. old addict/alcoholic. My beautiful son has been taken captive by this horrible disease. Keep coming back here too. ((((((((HUGS))))))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: troupsburg,ny
Posts: 87
My AS has never stole from us or asked us for money. I am hoping that means there is still some of him left in there. That he still has a conscience and there is still hope for him.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Welcome,
Did you make it to the meeting? I agree with what Kindeyes posted about "keep coming back". It may not feel GREAT the first time, but the more you go to AlAnon or NarAnon, the better you'll feel and the more WONDERFUL people you will meet.
The first time I went to a NarAnon meeting it depressed me so much that I didn't go back for about 3 months, but then I was even further into my enabling and true craziness from dealing w/my son. So, I went back, to the same meeting, and found a room full of people I couldn't imagine living without. Some of they became my closest friends and family. So I say "Give it a try!"
My thoughts are with you as you travel this road.
Did you make it to the meeting? I agree with what Kindeyes posted about "keep coming back". It may not feel GREAT the first time, but the more you go to AlAnon or NarAnon, the better you'll feel and the more WONDERFUL people you will meet.
The first time I went to a NarAnon meeting it depressed me so much that I didn't go back for about 3 months, but then I was even further into my enabling and true craziness from dealing w/my son. So, I went back, to the same meeting, and found a room full of people I couldn't imagine living without. Some of they became my closest friends and family. So I say "Give it a try!"
My thoughts are with you as you travel this road.
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