Saw him yesterday
Sobriety date 12/19/2011
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: TX
Posts: 409
Saw him yesterday
I had to go to the house yesterday and see him. I had my mom with me and a man from her church that is going to mentor me in his business of rental homes. We looked at all of the problems in the house that he never fixed because of his addiction to marijuana.
I have to have my mom with me to keep me from getting manipulated by him again. She started to feel sorry for him she said. She felt like it was all staged yesterday, which it might have been. When we got there, he was doing laundry, had the house clean, had the boys looking all sad, he looked sad. I just have no idea where his mind is right now. And - I have to keep telling myself I don't care where his mind is right now. He has been an addict since he was 17 years old and now he is 42. His phone rang, and it was one of his addict friends, I kept saying to myself, he will never change. I have got to keep the horrible times fresh in my mind or else he will be able to manipulate me again. I have go to keep thinking of all the times he used and abused me, gambled, no dreams, no goals, no motivation.....
It is hard to keep thinking of the negative things when my sponsor kept telling me to think of the positive things. After reading these posts, I have to keep telling myself that I am not feeling sorry for him, I am feeling compassion. Compassion is much better than feeling sorry. Compassion, compassion, compassion.
The boys looked confused, I really need to sit down and talk with them again. I feel like they are hurting, but when I ask them, they say no, they are good. It didn't look like that yesterday though. They looked so sad!! I really hope I am doing the right thing, I am so much happier, it feels like the right thing, it is so hard though with kids. I want to scoop them up and tell them everything is going to work out for the best, but I am not sure I am feeling that just yet........
I have to have my mom with me to keep me from getting manipulated by him again. She started to feel sorry for him she said. She felt like it was all staged yesterday, which it might have been. When we got there, he was doing laundry, had the house clean, had the boys looking all sad, he looked sad. I just have no idea where his mind is right now. And - I have to keep telling myself I don't care where his mind is right now. He has been an addict since he was 17 years old and now he is 42. His phone rang, and it was one of his addict friends, I kept saying to myself, he will never change. I have got to keep the horrible times fresh in my mind or else he will be able to manipulate me again. I have go to keep thinking of all the times he used and abused me, gambled, no dreams, no goals, no motivation.....
It is hard to keep thinking of the negative things when my sponsor kept telling me to think of the positive things. After reading these posts, I have to keep telling myself that I am not feeling sorry for him, I am feeling compassion. Compassion is much better than feeling sorry. Compassion, compassion, compassion.
The boys looked confused, I really need to sit down and talk with them again. I feel like they are hurting, but when I ask them, they say no, they are good. It didn't look like that yesterday though. They looked so sad!! I really hope I am doing the right thing, I am so much happier, it feels like the right thing, it is so hard though with kids. I want to scoop them up and tell them everything is going to work out for the best, but I am not sure I am feeling that just yet........
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It takes time, it takes grieving the loss of your dreams, and it takes healing, but I promise you that the day will come where you will feel happy again, and find peace with the past.
Just gotta keep walking.
Hugs
Just gotta keep walking.
Hugs
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