JFMariani

I have no idea how I got to this point. I came onto this website trying to understand my AF and boy did I ever! This past month has been a roller coaster of craziness. I tried detaching but at the same time explaining to her how I am a codie and addicted to her. I was thinking maybe a part of her would understand and let me go. In fact we did come close. Then once again she needed a friend. I was there and everything came back at full mast. My body literally was so nervous. I was shaking and couldn't breath. I just needed to get away. I did but came back when she asked to hang out again. We chilled at her place and I saw all the signs of heroin use...or perhaps it was unprescribed methodone as I did find a bottle in her possession. Once I finally got her to bed I took her cell phone to confirm my suspicions. I found the mention of getting drugs. I also found messages where she attacks me to her other friends saying I'm pyscho...that I stole her license. I confront her and she destroys me for not being a friend and snooping. She then destroys me as I'm walking away from her. She pushes all the right painful buttons even finishing with...you may have thought you were making a difference in my life but you werent...you are nothing. That was a direct strike against the codie in me. She said never to hit her up again.


25 minutes ago I get a text asking if I put something in her drink last night. Is she kidding me? Messing with my head. How did my good intentions lead me here into a very scary world? How can she even believe that I would do that?

soberbrooke

When my ex abf does things like that, it is because he needs something. He is being really nice right now because he doesn't want to have to leave my home. It is just their way of trying to hole onto what is familiar to them. I have got to remember to stay strong and don't allow myself to get manipulated. I always have my mom with me when I have to go to my other home. It has been working so far.

LoveMeNow

so sorry JF!! I would take her suggestion and NOT hit her up again!!

crazybabie

I agree with LoveMeNot,

She has shown you who she is believe it cut your losses and be done, although you may not feel like it at the time when she told you not to hit her up again she did you a big favor.

Learn2Live

I have the feeling you are going to get sucked back into it again until you realize you need to begin your own recovery.

outtolunch

Are you going to play this game, again?

Drugs have rewired her brain to sustain and protect her addiction. NOTHING else matters. You did not cause this. You cannot control this. You cannot cure this. She will drag you into the gutter, if you allow her to do so.

zoso77

So, JF...

You've got some brutally honest input here. The question is what you are going to do with it.

Think of her as a live wire. You grab a hold of it, not only will you get shocked, you won't be able to let go. When you see a live wire, you don't pick it up. You protect yourself and walk away.

If you really, really want to be done with her, you block her on your phone, you block her on Facebook, on email, on everything. That's what I did with my AXGF when I decided I had enough. There are no circumstances where you can even remotely trust her.

It's now time for you to heal. Let God deal with her.

ZoSo

crazybabie

I love the live wire analogy thanks zoso

JFMariani

I appreciate the honest feedback from all of you. I will also be honest about what I have done and what I'm feeling/thinking.

Earlier today I did block her from Facebook, and blocked her from any cell contact. She doesn't know how to contact me any other way. I only did this after another text saying she was coming over for her mp3 player after work. I just sat here and thought. She said I could give it to her or leave it on my porch. I know the mp3 player means nothing to her and I was honestly fear full for my life. Part of me thought this was a set up. She would invent a story and someone would kick my a@#. Part of me saw this as a symbolic gesture by her to say see I'm really going now. I had a friend come over and we waited. She never came by. That's when I blocked everything.

Honestly am I ready to move on? No I'm not. I understand she lies, cares for no one, and thinks nothing of me. Do I wish I had listened to her family/my friends earlier yes. Do I know that there is nothing keeping me here but myself and images of what she was yes. The only thing that is different this time is I'm scared. She sits there looking cute and innocent but is ten steps ahead at all times. Now with her accusing me of possibly slipping something in her drink when I saw her last I know I must go.

outtolunch

She has been physically abusive?

If so, contact the Police, in person, about getting a restraining order.

Some therapy might also help in terms of teaching you to set healthy boundaries for yourself. " I will not get involved with anyone emotionally unstable or in active addiction or early recovery" is an example of a solid boundary. It does not seek to control other people. If you find yourself in a situation , you take responsibility for your own boundary and remove yourself from it, chop- chop, cute or not. You deserve to treat yourself better than you have been doing.

zoso77

Just remember, when she's sitting there looking all cute and innocent, she's as sick as they get.

There are worse things in life than emotional suffering, like dealing with addicts not in recovery that also have a mental health diagnosis like Bipolar or BPD. Pain is just pain. Yes, it sucks, and I empathize with you, but if you do the things you need to do, the pain will dissipate over time. If you grab that live wire, it will rob you of your dignity, your self worth, and your sanity. I don't want to see that happen to you. You've been through enough, JF. Time you take care of you.

ZoSo

lisasneeze

JF I feel for you honey! One of the hardest parts of having an addict in your life is the realm of lies they bestow onto you and about you. That is one of the most impossible parts to me about having an addict in your life is the deep sense of betrayal. They will take your kindness and flip it on you, they will play mind games with and put guilt trips on you frequently. They are removed from reality and a sense of compassion for the hurts they cause others. the only time I think they truly feel compassion is when they have moments of realization and need us again to comfort their own guilt.

Don't take the addict seriously with things they say about you. they are well known for putting people on guilt trips and seeking sympathy from other enablers and drug users and you will not be excluded from that no matter how important you think you are to them. My addict would tell me how I was his savior, how much he loved me and go stab me in the back to other people and make them think I drove him to do drugs. Par for the course with them.

JFMariani

Thank you all again.

She hasn't been physically abusive but I have heard stories about what others have done for her...ie hurting someone else.

I am feeling better about this decision today thank you all.

Lisa thanks for sharing those examples. I have experienced all if that from her at one point or the other. It honestly feels better knowing I'm not unique. Knowing there isn't something wrong with me.

crazybabie

JF, have you considered going to and al anon, nar anon or other meetings? Males go too them as well as females and you would be around people who know how you feel face to face is a great feeling. You don't even have too say a word if you choose not too.

If it was not for SR and my meetings I would not be anywhere near ready to even have my AH out of my house more less ready for the divorce.

JFMariani

I have thought of going to these meetings. A little unprepared with everything going on. Still adjusting to this realization that something was wrong. With me and her so to speak.

crazybabie

I understand that I was the same you will know when the time is right.