My addict husband left ME.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 21
My addict husband left ME.
I am so hurt right now.
Everything was ok last night, he kissed me good night said he loved me. Same thing this morning before he left for work. (I found out through a friend of his he left work at 10am) He told our son last night we would go see the new Ice Age movie tonight.
Then i get a text this morning while I was at work, saying he wasn't coming home.
He took all our money and left me with 10 dollars. He won't pick up his phone he won't text me back.
I feel like I am going to throw up, seeing the hurt in our son, all of my own pain.
I feel like my whole world is falling apart. I don't know what to do
Everything was ok last night, he kissed me good night said he loved me. Same thing this morning before he left for work. (I found out through a friend of his he left work at 10am) He told our son last night we would go see the new Ice Age movie tonight.
Then i get a text this morning while I was at work, saying he wasn't coming home.
He took all our money and left me with 10 dollars. He won't pick up his phone he won't text me back.
I feel like I am going to throw up, seeing the hurt in our son, all of my own pain.
I feel like my whole world is falling apart. I don't know what to do
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Wow. I'm so sorry for your pain.
Read my old threads. This happened to me. It was very quick and very shocking. If I were in your shoes now I would get help from family (financially and emotionally), make sure you have a safe place to live. We had to move within 2 weeks of finding out. My parents supported me through the summer. File for divorce and pray he defaults and doesn't fight you and you get full custody of your child. Make this as quick as possible. My biggest regrets is not setting up state supervision...I set up 2 hours supervised visits a week...which ended up being challenging because he was such an ass. Get all bills and bank account in your name. Do not call or text him any longer. Do not give him any money. Do not do anything for him or feel bad for him in anyway. Basically, set yourself up to be safe and independent...then you can grieve.
Think fast. Think smart. Do everything to make your son and yourself safe.
If he does come back, it will be because he wants something. He is an addict. Educate yourself. Hold on tight and be strong for your son. This is going to be tough.
Remember, you are not alone. Be safe and praying for you.
Read my old threads. This happened to me. It was very quick and very shocking. If I were in your shoes now I would get help from family (financially and emotionally), make sure you have a safe place to live. We had to move within 2 weeks of finding out. My parents supported me through the summer. File for divorce and pray he defaults and doesn't fight you and you get full custody of your child. Make this as quick as possible. My biggest regrets is not setting up state supervision...I set up 2 hours supervised visits a week...which ended up being challenging because he was such an ass. Get all bills and bank account in your name. Do not call or text him any longer. Do not give him any money. Do not do anything for him or feel bad for him in anyway. Basically, set yourself up to be safe and independent...then you can grieve.
Think fast. Think smart. Do everything to make your son and yourself safe.
If he does come back, it will be because he wants something. He is an addict. Educate yourself. Hold on tight and be strong for your son. This is going to be tough.
Remember, you are not alone. Be safe and praying for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sunshine, Sea Breeze & Palm Trees
Posts: 282
it hurts so much to be screwed over by someone, I know. But in these times you will be surprised by the strength that will come out of you. Humans, we are survivalist. Calm down, think about what resources you have and reach out to your loved ones for help.
Dont waste anymore energy calling him. If he took all the money and left, it makes sense that he is not going to answer the phone. Love = Action. So open your eyes and brush off his useless POS love that consist of taking everything and leaving you and your son high and dry. Never allow this man to hurt your son like that again.
Dont waste anymore energy calling him. If he took all the money and left, it makes sense that he is not going to answer the phone. Love = Action. So open your eyes and brush off his useless POS love that consist of taking everything and leaving you and your son high and dry. Never allow this man to hurt your son like that again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
Once you pull through the initial shock you will find your footing and move forward, upwards toward a better life for you and your son.
After a while I think you'll come to feel that he has actually done you a favor. You and your son deserve better than this. You're in my thoughts today, hang in there! Keep posting, the people here are wonderful, and it can help you to clarify your feelings as you stumble through this. You are not alone!
Once you pull through the initial shock you will find your footing and move forward, upwards toward a better life for you and your son.
After a while I think you'll come to feel that he has actually done you a favor. You and your son deserve better than this. You're in my thoughts today, hang in there! Keep posting, the people here are wonderful, and it can help you to clarify your feelings as you stumble through this. You are not alone!
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I am so sorry for all your hurt. My prayers go out to you ans your son.
Protect yourself as best you can from this point on. Please don't keep calling or texting him. It's going to make you "crazy." He showed you who is and what he is capable of.
Protect yourself as best you can from this point on. Please don't keep calling or texting him. It's going to make you "crazy." He showed you who is and what he is capable of.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
I'm going to reiterate what story said. Count your resources, call on family, friends, church. Look for a local women's center for resources including legal aid. Make a list of assets and resources. Be strong and remember what he is willing to do to you because there may come a time when he will come back for more.
(((hugs!))). You can do this!
(((hugs!))). You can do this!
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
Hi Andee.
Welcome to SR. I'm sorry for the reason that you're here, but you will meet alot of wonderful & wise people here. I'm so sorry that you were so hurt & betrayed. Please keep coming back here for strength, support & encouragement that you will receive from others who have gone through what you are going through or similar experiences. Addicts are relentlessly hurtful. Please do as others have warned & protect yourself & your son first, then you will be able to take the time to sort things out.
Welcome to SR. I'm sorry for the reason that you're here, but you will meet alot of wonderful & wise people here. I'm so sorry that you were so hurt & betrayed. Please keep coming back here for strength, support & encouragement that you will receive from others who have gone through what you are going through or similar experiences. Addicts are relentlessly hurtful. Please do as others have warned & protect yourself & your son first, then you will be able to take the time to sort things out.
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Andee, I am sorry you are feeling so devastated. I cannot say I am sorry that he left you though. The thought that immediately came to my mind is : "You and your son have been spared".
You may not see it that way at the moment, but in 2 years you will look back and see that this happened for the best and not the worst.
I do wonder if he is not going to come and beg for you to take him back once his binging is over. It may be an idea to think how you want to handle that in advance.
You may not see it that way at the moment, but in 2 years you will look back and see that this happened for the best and not the worst.
I do wonder if he is not going to come and beg for you to take him back once his binging is over. It may be an idea to think how you want to handle that in advance.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Andee,
I can't begin to imagine your confusion and your pain. I know that none of this must make sense to you. And I know it must hurt to see the pain that your son is feeling as well.
I agree that finding some sources of support is critical....friends, family, posting here, anon meetings, etc. You are not alone - and you don't have to go through this alone. As horrible as it is - there are others that have gone thru similar experiences and the support of those people is incredibly helpful.
You will make it through... just take it one day at a time. I know that there times in my life where I have had to even take it hour by hour.
I'm sending you thought and prayers and am so sorry that you are having to go through this.
I can't begin to imagine your confusion and your pain. I know that none of this must make sense to you. And I know it must hurt to see the pain that your son is feeling as well.
I agree that finding some sources of support is critical....friends, family, posting here, anon meetings, etc. You are not alone - and you don't have to go through this alone. As horrible as it is - there are others that have gone thru similar experiences and the support of those people is incredibly helpful.
You will make it through... just take it one day at a time. I know that there times in my life where I have had to even take it hour by hour.
I'm sending you thought and prayers and am so sorry that you are having to go through this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
So very sorry that one can be this heartless toward his family. As badly as it hurts, it may be a real blessing that he exited your lives now. If he isn't going to be there for you, you ultimately be better off than living a stressful life with an addict. You deserve better! There is no rest with an addict.
Bless you and your child. I care.
Bless you and your child. I care.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sunshine, Sea Breeze & Palm Trees
Posts: 282
Share a quote with you, hope it helps you accumulate inner strength. Sending you love.
Obstacles are stepping stones to something better
"Sometimes you need to be terrified to your bones, in order for you to find your way to safety. Pain somewhat has this ability to push you beyond your comfort zone so that you can come back even stronger."
Obstacles are stepping stones to something better
"Sometimes you need to be terrified to your bones, in order for you to find your way to safety. Pain somewhat has this ability to push you beyond your comfort zone so that you can come back even stronger."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 21
Thank you so much everyone!!!!!!!!!
He texted me yesterday while I was at work and said how guilty he felt and how much of a screw up he is. How sorry he was for leaving again and hurting us again, that he wanted to quit everything he was one. But he didn't want to go to meetings because there is too much pressure. He also said he wanted so much more out of life.
He ended up coming home last night, and trying to play Mr.Perfect father/husband. But a really good friend of mine that is in the Al-Anon program has been working with me, and she is having her sponsor call me so I can start working one on one with her to get my recovery started, I have to get better, I want to get better. For myself and for my son. That way one day if he leaves and doesn't come back, or just doesn't get sober, I can make a better life for myself and my son.
I can see the fear in my sons eyes, that his dad is going to leave again. He watches every move his dad makes, That is no worry a child should ever have. like really P's me off.
My husband is doing the same thing to our son as his family done to him, i feel as if my son and I have to fight to be accepted by him. I see my son trying too hard to laugh and be happy with his dad almost as if he he is trying too hard. Like he has to enjoy as much as he can at once, because he doesn't know when his dad is going to take off.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Again, thanks so much, you guys are great!
He texted me yesterday while I was at work and said how guilty he felt and how much of a screw up he is. How sorry he was for leaving again and hurting us again, that he wanted to quit everything he was one. But he didn't want to go to meetings because there is too much pressure. He also said he wanted so much more out of life.
He ended up coming home last night, and trying to play Mr.Perfect father/husband. But a really good friend of mine that is in the Al-Anon program has been working with me, and she is having her sponsor call me so I can start working one on one with her to get my recovery started, I have to get better, I want to get better. For myself and for my son. That way one day if he leaves and doesn't come back, or just doesn't get sober, I can make a better life for myself and my son.
I can see the fear in my sons eyes, that his dad is going to leave again. He watches every move his dad makes, That is no worry a child should ever have. like really P's me off.
My husband is doing the same thing to our son as his family done to him, i feel as if my son and I have to fight to be accepted by him. I see my son trying too hard to laugh and be happy with his dad almost as if he he is trying too hard. Like he has to enjoy as much as he can at once, because he doesn't know when his dad is going to take off.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Again, thanks so much, you guys are great!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by Andee 
I can see the fear in my sons eyes, that his dad is going to leave again. He watches every move his dad makes, That is no worry a child should ever have. like really P's me off.
My husband is doing the same thing to our son as his family done to him, i feel as if my son and I have to fight to be accepted by him. I see my son trying too hard to laugh and be happy with his dad almost as if he he is trying too hard. Like he has to enjoy as much as he can at once, because he doesn't know when his dad is going to take off.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
My husband is doing the same thing to our son as his family done to him, i feel as if my son and I have to fight to be accepted by him. I see my son trying too hard to laugh and be happy with his dad almost as if he he is trying too hard. Like he has to enjoy as much as he can at once, because he doesn't know when his dad is going to take off.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Children learn how to treat others and allow themselves to be treater by others, at home.
Your husband is toxic to the emotional growth and stability of this child.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Am I reading this correctly??? It looks like you are just letting him back in the door!?
He gutted you like a fish only hours and really hurt your child. Maybe I am jumping to conclusions???
confused, dandylion
He gutted you like a fish only hours and really hurt your child. Maybe I am jumping to conclusions???
confused, dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
Andee,
I'd get the money from the account back and the next one to make a move should be you. He just stomped you like you and your son didn't matter and now he is back at home. Don't believe a word that falls out of his lips. My AH talk talk talks; but then threatens me for money. It is all poor me wah wah, I love you I love you, then boom threats. Get yourself in a more stable situation fast.
I'd get the money from the account back and the next one to make a move should be you. He just stomped you like you and your son didn't matter and now he is back at home. Don't believe a word that falls out of his lips. My AH talk talk talks; but then threatens me for money. It is all poor me wah wah, I love you I love you, then boom threats. Get yourself in a more stable situation fast.
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