How do you feel about.....
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
How do you feel about.....
Do you feel sorry for an addict or alcoholic? I am not trying to trigger any "codieness." I am just curious how others feel about it. If we are to believe that addiction or alcoholism is a disease and no one really knows who will and wont be afflicted, do you feel sorry for addicts.
Today, I added that I am so thankful and that I am NOT an addict or alcoholic to my grateful list. Just feels a little weird to even acknowledge it. I guess it is something I just kind of took for granted.
Today, I added that I am so thankful and that I am NOT an addict or alcoholic to my grateful list. Just feels a little weird to even acknowledge it. I guess it is something I just kind of took for granted.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: the shire
Posts: 379
i wrote a blog today on facebook about it, i titled it both lucky and blessed...and i wrote about how lucky and blessed i am that i am not addict, that despite that i did try during my teenage years cigarettes, weeds (potbrownie and one time puff puff pass), alcohol (i drink socially right now), play texas holdem with family and friends (with buy ins) but never got addicted.
i feel sad for the addicts/alcoholic esp my xabf that he wont be able to enjoy life the way it should be enjoyed. we spent a week in mexico last christmas, i told him if you work hard you can play hard, i drive a german car that he likes to drive, we get to play golf at country clubs, we get to spend time with family (both of us have big families on birthdays and just chitchat)...i keep reminding him that this is how we enjoy life....i even have to tell him that even celebrities have their share of diasppointments and yet drinking or snorting is not the only way to handle them....but this addiction always gets the better of him....sad but true.
my xabf is very very very talented to say the least, he can give andrew secillano and the rest of the NFL Access Football analyst a run for their money with his football analytical skills, he can play the Ibanez guitars like Alex Skolnick or Steve Vai, he has a wonderful 2 1/2 year old son who looks absolutely like him and would pretty much want to spend most of his time with him....but he always choose to get high and drink instead....if that is not sad i dont know what is.
if its a sickness, i really pray that they get help to get well.
i feel sad for the addicts/alcoholic esp my xabf that he wont be able to enjoy life the way it should be enjoyed. we spent a week in mexico last christmas, i told him if you work hard you can play hard, i drive a german car that he likes to drive, we get to play golf at country clubs, we get to spend time with family (both of us have big families on birthdays and just chitchat)...i keep reminding him that this is how we enjoy life....i even have to tell him that even celebrities have their share of diasppointments and yet drinking or snorting is not the only way to handle them....but this addiction always gets the better of him....sad but true.
my xabf is very very very talented to say the least, he can give andrew secillano and the rest of the NFL Access Football analyst a run for their money with his football analytical skills, he can play the Ibanez guitars like Alex Skolnick or Steve Vai, he has a wonderful 2 1/2 year old son who looks absolutely like him and would pretty much want to spend most of his time with him....but he always choose to get high and drink instead....if that is not sad i dont know what is.
if its a sickness, i really pray that they get help to get well.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 720
I don't feel sorry....but I feel grateful for what I have. I don't think pity is particularly useful for anyone....just me though maybe.
For me feeling sorry for someone or feeling pity implies that I am somehow better than they are....that is so not the case!
For me feeling sorry for someone or feeling pity implies that I am somehow better than they are....that is so not the case!
Sobriety date 12/19/2011
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: TX
Posts: 409
I am an alcoholic, and I am so glad to be an alcoholic in recovery. I have spent my life searching for God.... literally, and finally found God in AA. I am grateful to be an alcoholic!! If I wasn't, then I might not have found God.
I have been a spiritual seeker all of my life. I have traveled all over the world searching for God through different spiritual workshops and classes. I have always wanted to know what God is and what a special connection with God feels like, and I now, after 27 years of searching, have that. And I got it in AA!! It was always right around the corner from me and I had no idea!!
So I am grateful to be a recovering alcoholic who found God in AA.
I just wish the father of my children would get it, it would sure make life a lot easier for him, but he doesn't see that yet. I will continue to keep him in my prayers, because it is our purpose in life, to allow God's Will to take charge.
So I am grateful to be an alcoholic!!
I have been a spiritual seeker all of my life. I have traveled all over the world searching for God through different spiritual workshops and classes. I have always wanted to know what God is and what a special connection with God feels like, and I now, after 27 years of searching, have that. And I got it in AA!! It was always right around the corner from me and I had no idea!!
So I am grateful to be a recovering alcoholic who found God in AA.
I just wish the father of my children would get it, it would sure make life a lot easier for him, but he doesn't see that yet. I will continue to keep him in my prayers, because it is our purpose in life, to allow God's Will to take charge.
So I am grateful to be an alcoholic!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I do not feel sorry for them but I do feel compassion. I believe that I am basically an addict myself....I am recovering from being addicted to the addict. Either way, it's a living hell.
Reminds me of the saying:
Religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell....spiritualism is for people who have been there.
gentle hugs
ke
Reminds me of the saying:
Religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell....spiritualism is for people who have been there.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Are you sure your aren’t an addict…
Family members who do not get help are as sick as if not sicker than the addicts in their lives. And they suffer chemical changes in their brain as addicts do, and they go through some sick form of wd like addicts do…and they become irrational and pick up every trait of the addicts in their lives in time. It is fascinating.
I describe addiction as heartbreaking and yet I always see the hope, the promise. I could not live with myself seeing anything but that.
I don’t do the sick thing, I don’t pity and I don’t feel sorry for….compassion, empathy more like it for me.
I know this is hard for some to comprehend, but many actually like being high as much as they hate it … As the view on them is pity is removes their dignity, as the view is sick, it makes them incapable…
See more, always see more…
Family members who do not get help are as sick as if not sicker than the addicts in their lives. And they suffer chemical changes in their brain as addicts do, and they go through some sick form of wd like addicts do…and they become irrational and pick up every trait of the addicts in their lives in time. It is fascinating.
I describe addiction as heartbreaking and yet I always see the hope, the promise. I could not live with myself seeing anything but that.
I don’t do the sick thing, I don’t pity and I don’t feel sorry for….compassion, empathy more like it for me.
I know this is hard for some to comprehend, but many actually like being high as much as they hate it … As the view on them is pity is removes their dignity, as the view is sick, it makes them incapable…
See more, always see more…
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
I feel compassion for the addict and for those of us who are addicted to the addict. I never pity because then I will be caught back in the pity trap which would make me sicker than I already am.
I feel grateful that I am not a drug addict especially seeing almost everyone in my life abuses some drug or alcohol. I am grateful I am not a Double Winner.
I feel grateful that I am not a drug addict especially seeing almost everyone in my life abuses some drug or alcohol. I am grateful I am not a Double Winner.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
Ive always had a problem believing it is a disease. I know, I know, as a health care professional I'm supposed to follow the party line on this.
Yes, I feel badly for AH and addict sister but I think I'm pretty worn out with both of them to extend much mental energy. The thing with AH is he kicked coke and pot addiction when he was 20, found Jesus and when I met him 4 years later at my church, he was all "hallelujah Jesus saved me from drugs.". And we had no drug issues until after he turned 40. So at least 20 years clean and then this BS. He KNEW better, just because something is new and legal doesn't mean you go get high off it. Gah!!!
I feel more sorry for my sister, but I've thrown in the towel. She is like a cute stray dog, bring her home and find out she is a wild animal who will bite your hand and **** on your carpet.
Yes, I feel badly for AH and addict sister but I think I'm pretty worn out with both of them to extend much mental energy. The thing with AH is he kicked coke and pot addiction when he was 20, found Jesus and when I met him 4 years later at my church, he was all "hallelujah Jesus saved me from drugs.". And we had no drug issues until after he turned 40. So at least 20 years clean and then this BS. He KNEW better, just because something is new and legal doesn't mean you go get high off it. Gah!!!
I feel more sorry for my sister, but I've thrown in the towel. She is like a cute stray dog, bring her home and find out she is a wild animal who will bite your hand and **** on your carpet.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by crazybabie 
I feel compassion for the addict and for those of us who are addicted to the addict. I never pity because then I will be caught back in the pity trap which would make me sicker than I already am.
I feel grateful that I am not a drug addict especially seeing almost everyone in my life abuses some drug or alcohol. I am grateful I am not a Double Winner.
I feel grateful that I am not a drug addict especially seeing almost everyone in my life abuses some drug or alcohol. I am grateful I am not a Double Winner.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by FindingErica
Yes, I am the only one of my siblings who has not had a substance abuse issue.
There's gambling also, and exercise among several behaviors, that stimulate our brain's natural chemical substances.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by Chino
Addiction isn't limited to substances. There's a reason why so many daytime dramas (soap operas) have lasted forever, and reality tv shows are proving to be so lucrative now. Anything that fires up the pleasure center of the brain can be addictive. Drama is addictive, and codependency is certainly packed full of drama.
There's gambling also, and exercise among several behaviors, that stimulate our brain's natural chemical substances.
There's gambling also, and exercise among several behaviors, that stimulate our brain's natural chemical substances.
Seriously, yes you are right and sometimes I do thrive on, obsess about and at times stir up the dysfunctional family drama. Not sure why. Lately I have become tired of that too. I think I thrive in chaos, that is kind of sick, it motivates me to do something, can't explain that either. Maybe because my life has always been surrounded by dysfunctional chaos and drama.
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Feeling "sorry" was the wrong choice of words....How about "compassion?" Also, I am not referring to a specific addict, I am asking about addiction as a whole.
Three months ago, I felt nothing but disgust and anger! Today, I feel compassion as a whole but I am very thankful that I am not an Addict or Alcoholic. I do not believe people have a choice about being an addict or alcoholic, but have a choice to be active or not. My thinking has changed drastically lately and I am questioning it as well.
Three months ago, I felt nothing but disgust and anger! Today, I feel compassion as a whole but I am very thankful that I am not an Addict or Alcoholic. I do not believe people have a choice about being an addict or alcoholic, but have a choice to be active or not. My thinking has changed drastically lately and I am questioning it as well.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Yes, LMN. When you first asked the question, I assumed that you were referring to the kind of compassion one feels for any other creature who is suffering, not describing a collapse into the kind of (often self-indulgent) pity that violates the dignity of the individual.
And the Latin roots of the word "compassion" means to "suffer together with," which would actually be what people prone to codependent behavior are advised to refrain from--from everything I've read and heard at meetings etc.--and certainly believe myself-- "suffering along with the addict" is to be guarded against as unhealthy for both addict and loved one.
So, yes, accurate words are important, but if semantics are emphasized over the original intent or "spirit" of the question about feeling sorry, you can run into trouble even with the more "acceptable" word compassion.
And the Latin roots of the word "compassion" means to "suffer together with," which would actually be what people prone to codependent behavior are advised to refrain from--from everything I've read and heard at meetings etc.--and certainly believe myself-- "suffering along with the addict" is to be guarded against as unhealthy for both addict and loved one.
So, yes, accurate words are important, but if semantics are emphasized over the original intent or "spirit" of the question about feeling sorry, you can run into trouble even with the more "acceptable" word compassion.
Let go and Let God!
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 352
I am a recovering addict and I am happy to be one!! I got where I am today by being an addict.
Do I feel compassion for a using addict? Yes! I also know I can only be helpful if they are done using. If they aren't done, I move down the road.
Do I feel compassion for a using addict? Yes! I also know I can only be helpful if they are done using. If they aren't done, I move down the road.
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