relapse again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
relapse again
Well alot has happened since i last posted, Firstly I finally went to my very first alanon meeting I must say it was an eye opener, im a very shy person but when my turn came around to speak I did, and I let it all out and it felt go so yeah ill be going again im just going to go to a couple of different ones see which is more comfortable and id like to try a nar anon meeting as well, secondly my son has relapsed after almost 2 months, and he just got a job and was doing really well so I dont know what hes going to choose to do, probably keep using the lies have already begun , I dont need to tell all of you how tired and exhausted I am the next logical step would be to kick him out im trying to get there I really dont want him around me or my family once the craziness hits so we shall see , thanks for stopping by take care
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Hi lonelystar,
Sorry to hear about your son, but so glad you went to the meeting and it was good. The support will help you make the decisions that are right for you and your family. My RAS is 21 and I do know how weary you are--right to the bone, I'm sure, physically and emotionally. I hope you can get as much rest as possible (so much easier said than done), and I hope you have strong family/friends around you to lean on.
Wishing you peace and strength.
Sorry to hear about your son, but so glad you went to the meeting and it was good. The support will help you make the decisions that are right for you and your family. My RAS is 21 and I do know how weary you are--right to the bone, I'm sure, physically and emotionally. I hope you can get as much rest as possible (so much easier said than done), and I hope you have strong family/friends around you to lean on.
Wishing you peace and strength.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
Lonelystar - I'm sorry for the pain you are going through right now. My son also relapsed in March after being clean for 2 months. We told him he could no longer stay in our home. He could get out or go back to rehab and try again. He went to rehab for 28 days and came out in May and moved to a sober living home. As hard as it was to tell him he couldn't live here anymore, it was the best thing for him and for me and my husband. He seems to be much more serious about his recovery this time around. Hope you will continue to get the help you need for yourself through meetings. I will keep you in my prayers.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I am so very sorry. I can only imagaine how sad and disappointed you must be for him.
I am so glad you went to a meeting...and shared!! I like both Naranon and Alanon but in very different ways. I wish we had more Naranon meetings available in my area though.
I am so glad you went to a meeting...and shared!! I like both Naranon and Alanon but in very different ways. I wish we had more Naranon meetings available in my area though.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Hi lonelystar. I feel your pain, I really do. My son also relapses after securing employment....the money in his pocket is his worst trigger. My son is hard core now....he can't string together more than a few days ever since he started shooting heroin, but before that his longest stints of sobriety were when he lived in a sober house. Perhaps that is an option for your son when he is ready to try again.
I'm just so very sorry. I understand your disappointment -- we all do.
I'm just so very sorry. I understand your disappointment -- we all do.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Brooklyn NY
Posts: 156
I'm so sorry ur going through this lonelystar. I'm in a very familiar situation only it's with my fiance. I can't imagine what it must be like for u since it's ur son. I can very much relate to the exhaustion and being afraid to take that next step. I kicked him out but let him back the same night and if it weren't for the wonderful people here, I wouldn't be nearly as strong as I am now. This site and my alanon meetings are why I'm holding it together. I will be thinking of u and I will say a prayer for u.
Hugs
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I'm so glad to hear that you got to a meeting and shared!! That's so good!! And so great to hear that you'll be going to a few meetings so that you can determine which one "fits" so that you can call it your "home group".
So sorry to hear about your son's relapse. We do understand.......
gentle hugs
ke
So sorry to hear about your son's relapse. We do understand.......
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Hey l-star
Sorry to hear about ur son. I so well know ur pain & struggle with this.
It took me 3-5yrs to finally face the fact that i was putting all my energy & money into a black hole while trying to keep all AC's above board . I'm finally living alone; it has been a daily struggle in regards to detachment. I can imagine what its like for addicts to stay sober- saying "no" to the addiction many times a day. Ive been having to stop myself from contacting them on a daily basis. The bottom is about to drop & my 2 sons may be homeless soon.
However i must admit that i'm getting a little stronger every day as you will too. I will keep you & all parents of ACs innmy thoughts & prayers.
Sorry to hear about ur son. I so well know ur pain & struggle with this.
It took me 3-5yrs to finally face the fact that i was putting all my energy & money into a black hole while trying to keep all AC's above board . I'm finally living alone; it has been a daily struggle in regards to detachment. I can imagine what its like for addicts to stay sober- saying "no" to the addiction many times a day. Ive been having to stop myself from contacting them on a daily basis. The bottom is about to drop & my 2 sons may be homeless soon.
However i must admit that i'm getting a little stronger every day as you will too. I will keep you & all parents of ACs innmy thoughts & prayers.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
lonelystar,
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. My son relapsed in April, a week before he was set to "graduate" from an extended care program, and make his one year sober date. He had also just been offerred a job at the program, had been told he was being considered for a manager job at work, and had received perfect scores on the three papers he'd written for his first college course - all that stuff should be good, right?
I think sometimes our addict children have such a low opinion of themselves that success actually makes them feel stressed. They've been feeling nothing for so long that feeling good can make them uncomfortable - and they resort back to what they are familiar with.
So, what we think as irrational - your son was holding down a job, had been clean for six months -why would he throw it all away? - has a very "rational" explanation for the inner addict psyche.
It's terrific you went to a meeting - my son's relapse also triggered a relapse for me. As he spiraled down, I followed, with all my codie behaviors coming back in full force.
Stay strong.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. My son relapsed in April, a week before he was set to "graduate" from an extended care program, and make his one year sober date. He had also just been offerred a job at the program, had been told he was being considered for a manager job at work, and had received perfect scores on the three papers he'd written for his first college course - all that stuff should be good, right?
I think sometimes our addict children have such a low opinion of themselves that success actually makes them feel stressed. They've been feeling nothing for so long that feeling good can make them uncomfortable - and they resort back to what they are familiar with.
So, what we think as irrational - your son was holding down a job, had been clean for six months -why would he throw it all away? - has a very "rational" explanation for the inner addict psyche.
It's terrific you went to a meeting - my son's relapse also triggered a relapse for me. As he spiraled down, I followed, with all my codie behaviors coming back in full force.
Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Appleton, WI
Posts: 74
L Star, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm so glad you were comfortable enough to share at the meeting you attended. Keep going! I waited 5 years to finally attend a meeting and found a Monday night meeting of parents who have been in Al-Anon for anywhere from 1 meeting to 30 years. They have been a huge help to me.
My AS is going through his second recovery phase, the first serious one though. He's 22 years old and has attended 2 outpatient treatments, the other when he was 19. He claims to be in recovery for 6 months now. I don't know anymore, I honestly feel there have been some slipups. He's never been honest with us about when he's using and there have been times he's been living with us that I couldn't tell at all. He held a full time job last summer, helped at home, didn't leave at night that I know of, but now says he was using then. My sponsor has helped me to understand that it is wasted energy for me to keep looking for signs of use. I slip back into co-dependent mode less often lately, I think. He moves out to go back to college (5th year) after living with us since December. I don't think it will be the best environment for him, so I'm trying to get stronger in my recovery.
Try your best to take care of you, it really makes a difference.
You and your son will be in my prayers, I try to pray for all of us parents and all of the addicts daily.
((Hugs))
My AS is going through his second recovery phase, the first serious one though. He's 22 years old and has attended 2 outpatient treatments, the other when he was 19. He claims to be in recovery for 6 months now. I don't know anymore, I honestly feel there have been some slipups. He's never been honest with us about when he's using and there have been times he's been living with us that I couldn't tell at all. He held a full time job last summer, helped at home, didn't leave at night that I know of, but now says he was using then. My sponsor has helped me to understand that it is wasted energy for me to keep looking for signs of use. I slip back into co-dependent mode less often lately, I think. He moves out to go back to college (5th year) after living with us since December. I don't think it will be the best environment for him, so I'm trying to get stronger in my recovery.
Try your best to take care of you, it really makes a difference.
You and your son will be in my prayers, I try to pray for all of us parents and all of the addicts daily.
((Hugs))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
Thank you all for the encoragement and sharing ,honestly I havent slipped back totally into codie mode im doing OK , im going to take it day by day and let him make his own mistakes whatever they may be , he has been to enough programs to know what to do and how to reach out for help he even has a sponsor he knows it all , i think im actually to the point where Im just going to let everything happen , now how funny does that sound , I am going to let thiings happen.....my god the irony, but you all know what i mean , what i dont plan on is turning into a puddle of emotions im cool, maybe its my thyroid disease making me feel this way I figured out i can zone out so thats what im going to do, take care and huggs
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
