LoveMeNow

The feeling you felt this morning is just the beginning if chose to stay in denial. Your insticts (your body) are trying to tell you something. Listen carefully, your mental health depends on it.

I wish all the best. I hope he is not using but I seriously have my doubts. I know he could not have stolen those needles so....... You are going to what you want, just as I did. I just hope fare better then most of here did. Maybe you will be one of the lucky ones.

Please keep reading and learning though. It will help you "just in case!"

bluejaybird

Thank you for your support LovemeNot. I hope things get better for you too.
I still think he did take the needles and syringes from the Dr office. I mean it doesnt really matter as they arent illegal to purchase.

Earlier today we were cleaning up the house, and all that stuff was still laying on top of cabinet, so I told him to move them if he wanted. I felt that by him laying them out, it was sort of like now I know they are there, and if he uses one then I will know it. I just didnt like that feeling. So he said he should throw it out, and I said it was up to him but if he felt like he needed to keep them, then keep them.
And he was saying he knows I dont understand. And anyway, he just opened the drawer and put it all inside.

He seems to be feeling some better. " more will be revealed "
Im feeling some better too. Not as nervous today for whatever reason.

LoveMeNow

Oh Anvil...so true. My husband could never take 1-2 Advil, 4-5 was much better. More is always better for an addict.

Also, just because he put the needles in the drawer, doesn't mean he doesn't or wont get more. I remember when my husband gave me his pills to "control" and help him taper off. I was so happy, he/we "fixing" the problem. (insert dumb icon here) It had never occurred to me he had many other hidden stashes. I was just so easy. It was like taking candy from a baby. Over time, the harder I made things, the better he got. I did not cause it, but boy did I contribute to it on many levels.

I will say it again...most of us are no match for the mind of an addict.

oooopps

LMN, not to mention... what a terribly tiring way to live.

LoveMeNow

Oh I know! And the false sense of security and illusion of thinking everything is "fine" - really plays with your mind - when more is revealed.

Each time more was revealed felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I literally remember throwing up and not being able to breath...ughhhhhhh

Ann

The link below will link you to a thread in the stickies at the top of the forum. It is from Melody Beattie's book "Codependent No More" . When I read that book for the first time I wanted royalties because she was talking about "my" life. Turns out she is talking about most of us here.

Please give it a read and see if you find yourself in there somewhere. And if you do, please continue to reach out for help because sweetie, you are going to need it.

Hugs

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html

Vale

>>>>I will say it again...most of us are no match for the mind of an addict.<<<<

(nail on the head,LMN........the 'safety systems' of a normie are no match for an
addict.A system can be designed to 'minimize' careless error---but no system design
can overcome deliberate malice.)

Vale

>>>>>>When I read that book for the first time I wanted royalties because she was talking about "my" life. Turns out she is talking about most of us here.<<<<<<<<

Same here,Ann.I think the humility flag goes up around here because so many of us
bought into the idea that our situations were 'special'.

What I SHOULD have done is listen to one of MY OWN lectures to my kids:

"You are NOT special outside this home,the statistics DO APPLY to you,and if the
consequences have not caught up with you yet.....they WILL."

If I had listened to my own advice,I could have bypassed this whole sordid
nightmare.......and all that the word 'addiction' would mean to me was a weakness for
chocolate after dinner!

LoveMeNow

Yes, but then we wouldn't have you so...........

Learn2Live

XABF took pills for everything. He would be high as a kite all day, speeding around like on cocaine, and then couldn't sleep. Had to take a pill just to go to sleep and even then it wouldn't work. I got to the point where I was taking pills to go to sleep too. Whereas before then, I wouldn't even take an aspirin for a headache.

FindingErica

This is true, because I was not equipped for my husband of nearly two decades to become a lazy drugging jobless bum who won't come home. So I accepted all his reasons and continued making my paycheck available for him to pay our bills and continue living where he is. I thought he was having a horrible run of bad luck. I had already pretty much accepted his smoking K2 (it's legal, I don't do it that much, it's better than becoming an oxy addict..etc). The more I backed off and accepted things, the more he went a bit further. I wish now that I had put my foot down the first time and took action. Things may be different, not as far as changing him but maybe I could have left him when he was still employed.

lauren15

Hi bluejay..agreeing with Sunny, I have never seen any syringes in a doctor's office either. However, who knows. I know the feeling of being addicted to the needle, and in my opinion, doing what he did is just asking for a relapse. Honestly, I consider shooting up anyting a relapse, it is abusing something. Everyone to their own though. Try al anon if you can.

SeekingGrowth

[QUOTE=bluejaybird;3498947]Earlier today we were cleaning up the house, and all that stuff was still laying on top of cabinet, so I told him to move them if he wanted. I felt that by him laying them out, it was sort of like now I know they are there, and if he uses one then I will know it. I just didnt like that feeling. So he said he should throw it out, and I said it was up to him but if he felt like he needed to keep them, then keep them.
And he was saying he knows I dont understand. And anyway, he just opened the drawer and put it all inside.

REALLY??? Wow. Are you really OK with your boyfriend keeping needles in the house? How is this not enabling? I would insist that he GET RID of them, and let him know that shooting up saline (or whatever) is NOT OK with me! We all know that he is on the relapse trail with this, even if he doesn't admit that. You really want him thinking that it's OK with you if he is using needles for any reason?

Jody675

Blue Jay i left my last bf because i had told him i didn't want ANY KIND of addiction in my life, and he told me he loved me and wanted a life with me, and so stopped his occasional use of acid and stopped drinking. 2 weeks later went out with his best mate for the night and had a couple of drinks. had a couple the next night when i went over. when i queried him about it, he told me he didn't want to be too hard on himself and would see what happened. i reminded him we already knew where this would lead (which he had already acknowledged that ANY drinking would lead to him thinking it was ok to drink some more) but he didn't seem that upset about it. i left him a letter after he went to work and ended our relationship. my boundary was NO substance abuse and he crossed it. THE END.

i knew deep down that the more leeway i gave him, and the more understanding i tried to be the more he would have drank. its like giving him permission that what he's doing is ok. (i know that is not what you are doing in your head but that is what it was like for him). you can't control his actions, only yours. if he wants to use he will. but that doesn't mean you have to stand by and watch.

think about what YOU want in your life. decide what you will do if he crosses them BEFORE he breaks them. be very clear about why you made those boundaries and why they are important to you. then stick to them. its funny though when we are put in that situation we negotiate with ourselves and talk our selves out of what we were adamant about previously. its the latter part that most addicts rely on us doing. breaking our word to ourselves, and therefore they are then given permission to continue breaking their word to us too.

its a funny world we live in.