I just did it, I just kicked him out
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Brooklyn NY
Posts: 156
I just did it, I just kicked him out
I had to do it, I couldn't take it anymore and I feel like my stomach wants to jump through my throat right now. I'm being fairly strong right now but I can feel the breakdown coming......help me stay strong guys, I need it now more than ever......
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
Take a deep breath, and congratulate yourself on doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.
If you feel like breaking down and crying - that's okay. Your feelings need to go somewhere.
I'd suggest that your next action be changing the locks - that will prevent you coming home in a few days and finding him stretched out on the couch.
If you feel like breaking down and crying - that's okay. Your feelings need to go somewhere.
I'd suggest that your next action be changing the locks - that will prevent you coming home in a few days and finding him stretched out on the couch.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Southeastern MA
Posts: 149
Krystal, I'm so sorry it had to come down to this but you did the right thing and I admire you for your strength. I know you have two children to care for but is there anyone who can come help out so you can get a breather?
many many hugs to you.......
many many hugs to you.......
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
Krystal you are amazing. You did the very best thing you could for yourself and those babies. Agree about changing the locks.
It's ok to not be ok right now, it's a very difficult thing you have done :-)
It's ok to not be ok right now, it's a very difficult thing you have done :-)
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
One day, one need at a time. Do whatever you need to do to keep yourself grounded in the present moment. When you find your thoughts wandering to the past or anxiety about the future, just look at RIGHT NOW. What you and your babies need RIGHT NOW.
How are you feeling?
How are you feeling?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Brooklyn NY
Posts: 156
He keeps calling and calling and sending me text messages, this is so hard......
I'm breathing slowly in and out, haven't let out any tears yet, I don't want to breakdown in front of my children. He doesn't have a key to the house, so I don't have to worry about that. I'm literally just taking it one minute at a time right now. And I do have someone here to help me with the kids, thanks for all the support guys
I'm breathing slowly in and out, haven't let out any tears yet, I don't want to breakdown in front of my children. He doesn't have a key to the house, so I don't have to worry about that. I'm literally just taking it one minute at a time right now. And I do have someone here to help me with the kids, thanks for all the support guys
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
i know that feeling all too well. stay strong. it will be the coming weeks when things are calmer and he is calmer that will be the hardest to stay strong. when you feel clear, write down what your boundaries are and put them around the house. when you feel like you are caving go and remind yourself what you need to stay strong about, and hug your kids heaps. you have done what is right for them.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Originally Posted by Krystal32 
He keeps calling and calling and sending me text messages, this is so hard......
I'm breathing slowly in and out, haven't let out any tears yet, I don't want to breakdown in front of my children. He doesn't have a key to the house, so I don't have to worry about that. I'm literally just taking it one minute at a time right now. And I do have someone here to help me with the kids, thanks for all the support guys
I'm breathing slowly in and out, haven't let out any tears yet, I don't want to breakdown in front of my children. He doesn't have a key to the house, so I don't have to worry about that. I'm literally just taking it one minute at a time right now. And I do have someone here to help me with the kids, thanks for all the support guys
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
He is high and you said good bye!! Good job!! You were true to your word!!
Just keep telling yourself over and over...I DON'T WANT AN ACTIVE DRUG USER IN MY HOME OR MY LIFE...eventually it will really sink in!!
Just keep telling yourself over and over...I DON'T WANT AN ACTIVE DRUG USER IN MY HOME OR MY LIFE...eventually it will really sink in!!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Originally Posted by Krystal32
I'm not exactly sure how I'm feeling......a little numb maybe.......but my heart feels like it's shattered
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Krystal,
Ahhhhhh honey.... you did something really tough to do and I know you feel like you are shell shocked.
I left my husband 14 months ago and I remember the feelings that I had like they were yesterday. Everyone here really helped me to make it through and I want to do the same for you
It takes a lot of courage to do what you did but it was the right thing for you and your children. I know you might have some tough moments like I did and second guess myself. However....if I can get through it I know that you can too.... It took awhile for me to adjust to not having chaos in my life.....
Keep posting and PM if you need. I'm serious about being here for you.... Hugs, Donna
Ahhhhhh honey.... you did something really tough to do and I know you feel like you are shell shocked.
I left my husband 14 months ago and I remember the feelings that I had like they were yesterday. Everyone here really helped me to make it through and I want to do the same for you
It takes a lot of courage to do what you did but it was the right thing for you and your children. I know you might have some tough moments like I did and second guess myself. However....if I can get through it I know that you can too.... It took awhile for me to adjust to not having chaos in my life.....
Keep posting and PM if you need. I'm serious about being here for you.... Hugs, Donna
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
(((((((((((((Krystal)))))) your feelings will be back and for that least mine were you have to feel them as they come in order to heal. We will walk beside you. I don't know if you will help you any but I found in the beginning listening to Sara Evans song A ittle bit stronger helped me and also Stronger by Kelly Clarkson.
Meetings and SR.
Meetings and SR.
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
When I left my addict (talking about Scotty) it was one of the hardest things I have done, but so necessary. I left with the heart and hope that it would be the slap in the face/ the wake up call he needed to get his crap together and get clean, but it wasn't and he didn't.
He spiraled down into the pit of the abyss fast and even more out of control and I realized that all the hanging in there I did just delayed the inevitable. Yet, I missed him and as the days past and the phone calls came. I weakened and every time I compromised my resolve I lost a little piece of myself.
I had to snap out of it and get my head on straight. After all I left this man with good reason and yet there were times in the beginning I almost felt like he was too good for me. Like I was the one that was messed up. That I was a reject. Times I felt like I was begging for him to take me back. To add insult to injury he played into it and told me that he didn't know if he could ever take me back.
Well after we danced the dance of victim, persecutor, martyr and I got sick of it seeing it was going nowhere. I had to regroup and remind myself of my purpose. I had left him because he was an addict and I had to stay focused. I found it helped me to journal a list of reasons why I should not see him and reasons why I wanted to see him. By the time I was done the bad totally outweighed the good and I referred to my list when I felt weak and it helped me remain strong. Maybe if you wrote a list it might help you too!
Reasons why I kicked him out: Write all the reasons why you made him leave
Reasons why I want to let him back in: List the reasons why you want to let him back in.
Reasons why not to let him back in: List all the reasons why you shouldn't let him back in.
It really helps to see it in writing. Refer to as often as needed
Hugs,
Passion
If you'd like to read my ex's story you can google William Scott Simmons. When you get on his website. Go to his legacy *it is a tab at the top of the page* It tells a lot of what I went through while in a relationship with him and what I did to get out.
He spiraled down into the pit of the abyss fast and even more out of control and I realized that all the hanging in there I did just delayed the inevitable. Yet, I missed him and as the days past and the phone calls came. I weakened and every time I compromised my resolve I lost a little piece of myself.
I had to snap out of it and get my head on straight. After all I left this man with good reason and yet there were times in the beginning I almost felt like he was too good for me. Like I was the one that was messed up. That I was a reject. Times I felt like I was begging for him to take me back. To add insult to injury he played into it and told me that he didn't know if he could ever take me back.
Well after we danced the dance of victim, persecutor, martyr and I got sick of it seeing it was going nowhere. I had to regroup and remind myself of my purpose. I had left him because he was an addict and I had to stay focused. I found it helped me to journal a list of reasons why I should not see him and reasons why I wanted to see him. By the time I was done the bad totally outweighed the good and I referred to my list when I felt weak and it helped me remain strong. Maybe if you wrote a list it might help you too!
Reasons why I kicked him out: Write all the reasons why you made him leave
Reasons why I want to let him back in: List the reasons why you want to let him back in.
Reasons why not to let him back in: List all the reasons why you shouldn't let him back in.
It really helps to see it in writing. Refer to as often as needed
Hugs,
Passion
If you'd like to read my ex's story you can google William Scott Simmons. When you get on his website. Go to his legacy *it is a tab at the top of the page* It tells a lot of what I went through while in a relationship with him and what I did to get out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 285
It's alot harder to do what you're doing. Set your boundries and then step back and take a breath. You did what you needed to do to protect yourself and your children from continuing to be trapped by his addiction. I find my strength in my boys. It's even harder for me to stay strong b/c he is in recovery. When I have my bad days I try to stay in the moment with the kids. I focus on really enjoying whatever game or movie they want instead of just going through the motions like I used to. Sometime I just read a good book anything that I enjoy to stop the crazy thinking. You and your kids deserve nothing less.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
you can let yourself feel numb for awhile.
there aren't any expectations or requirements or norms for how you might feel. your stomach is reacting to a really powerful intense change, and of course anything of the sort is going to cause wild butterflies. but losing someone in this situation will probably be accompanied by many different feelings...grief, remorse, guilt, relief, freedom, sorrow, happiness, release, joy, ease, fear, doubt, peace...
life happens in each and every moment
and as each and every moment pass by without an addict in your presence, and in the presence of children...you will find that it slowly adds up to life, simply life...life without addiction, and it will be a relief...
it gets better, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly
keep praying! you are not alone!!!
there aren't any expectations or requirements or norms for how you might feel. your stomach is reacting to a really powerful intense change, and of course anything of the sort is going to cause wild butterflies. but losing someone in this situation will probably be accompanied by many different feelings...grief, remorse, guilt, relief, freedom, sorrow, happiness, release, joy, ease, fear, doubt, peace...
life happens in each and every moment
and as each and every moment pass by without an addict in your presence, and in the presence of children...you will find that it slowly adds up to life, simply life...life without addiction, and it will be a relief...
it gets better, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly
keep praying! you are not alone!!!
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