Update on son
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Update on son
My 21-year-old RAS is attending a program that is out of the area where he lives with his father (and where all his "friends" are and where some of them are in programs themselves). We speak almost every day, but he doesn't talk much about the program and I don't ask beyond a simple "how's it going?"
What he has shared is that he very much likes his primary clinician, a man, which is slightly unusual for my son, since even he admits he is more comfortable with women. So I was glad to hear he was assigned to a strong male with whom he feels some connection (both played baseball, son describes him as "a big guy, you know, like me"). He told me that he had shared with the clinician his fears about his father cutting himself (don't even ask) and his father's other--let's call them issues. He said this man told him he has to focus on his own recovery. That it sounds as though he is trying to "fix" his father, and that all he can do is do his own work and hope that will shed some light for his father. I told him I thought that sounded like wise counsel.
He also shared that during a session about coping skills, he became irritated with one of the members of the group but didn't say anything. They went around the room, each taking a letter of the alphabet and naming a coping skill for that letter. Apparently one of the members made a "joke" when it was his turn (his letter was "D" and he suggested "Do drugs!"). My son said, yeah, it was sort of funny, we're in recovery, get the irony. But according to my son, the guy kept it up, every time it was his turn he named another drug starting with that letter. As son put it, "May have been amusing the first time, but 26 letters later?" He said he did not have the courage to speak up--it was a middle-aged man, well-dressed, and a couple of the younger males in the group were laughing along, and the facilitator did not address it. I told him it gave him an opportunity to use some coping skills right then and there, and he laughed. But said he hopes he has the courage to speak up if something makes him uncomfortable or angry.
Anyway, that's pretty much all I know. Nothing earth-shattering one way or the other. It's always a day at a time. Have no idea what today will bring, since his father, my XH, is having some potentially serious health issues/symptoms, and my sister, a nurse, who is in daily contact with XH (program son attends is minutes from her home), is concerned that XH is developing pneumonia--again. (He's a heart patient, prone to pneumonia--could it be the heavy smoking?--and so far refuses to call doctor.) So sister and I have told son that if father has shortness of breath or fainting to call 911 immediately and not waste time calling either one of us first.
Good Lord.
That's my story for now. Thanks for listening.
What he has shared is that he very much likes his primary clinician, a man, which is slightly unusual for my son, since even he admits he is more comfortable with women. So I was glad to hear he was assigned to a strong male with whom he feels some connection (both played baseball, son describes him as "a big guy, you know, like me"). He told me that he had shared with the clinician his fears about his father cutting himself (don't even ask) and his father's other--let's call them issues. He said this man told him he has to focus on his own recovery. That it sounds as though he is trying to "fix" his father, and that all he can do is do his own work and hope that will shed some light for his father. I told him I thought that sounded like wise counsel.
He also shared that during a session about coping skills, he became irritated with one of the members of the group but didn't say anything. They went around the room, each taking a letter of the alphabet and naming a coping skill for that letter. Apparently one of the members made a "joke" when it was his turn (his letter was "D" and he suggested "Do drugs!"). My son said, yeah, it was sort of funny, we're in recovery, get the irony. But according to my son, the guy kept it up, every time it was his turn he named another drug starting with that letter. As son put it, "May have been amusing the first time, but 26 letters later?" He said he did not have the courage to speak up--it was a middle-aged man, well-dressed, and a couple of the younger males in the group were laughing along, and the facilitator did not address it. I told him it gave him an opportunity to use some coping skills right then and there, and he laughed. But said he hopes he has the courage to speak up if something makes him uncomfortable or angry.
Anyway, that's pretty much all I know. Nothing earth-shattering one way or the other. It's always a day at a time. Have no idea what today will bring, since his father, my XH, is having some potentially serious health issues/symptoms, and my sister, a nurse, who is in daily contact with XH (program son attends is minutes from her home), is concerned that XH is developing pneumonia--again. (He's a heart patient, prone to pneumonia--could it be the heavy smoking?--and so far refuses to call doctor.) So sister and I have told son that if father has shortness of breath or fainting to call 911 immediately and not waste time calling either one of us first.
Good Lord.
That's my story for now. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
It's very good to read the tentative feelings of trust he has toward the male clinician. Addicts do not trust other people, they are well-defended, and a major piece of recovery is the gut-honest sharing one addict does with another addict, having faith that what he shares will not destroy the relationship or the other person. When the addict manages to do this, he begins to break out of the prison of addiction.
That your son is made uncomfortable by the inauthentic "sharing" in the group is a good sign that he is getting better.
You are handling everything really well and the respect you have for your son is inspiring.
That your son is made uncomfortable by the inauthentic "sharing" in the group is a good sign that he is getting better.
You are handling everything really well and the respect you have for your son is inspiring.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 46
Good news. Thank you for sharing. My daugher has recently started seeing a therapist, and its tough. I think it is true that addicts (and a lot of us) keep things inside, and we are just ashamed to tell others for fear of rejection, embarassment, being lectured... whatever the case. So for him to find someone that he can open up to is good news and will hopefully do so much for his revovery.
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