Message or manipulation?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Prayers for you and your son.
My xah sent me an "I'm sorry" text out of the blue. I thought, "is this his way of saying goodby? Is he going to commit suicide?" It is scary and real because we know they are in paiin, but really have no idea where their mind is. You are his mom, and he was sadly reaching out. I pray that he is hitting his bottom and will turn to recovery. I am so sorry for your pain.
My xah sent me an "I'm sorry" text out of the blue. I thought, "is this his way of saying goodby? Is he going to commit suicide?" It is scary and real because we know they are in paiin, but really have no idea where their mind is. You are his mom, and he was sadly reaching out. I pray that he is hitting his bottom and will turn to recovery. I am so sorry for your pain.
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Kindeyes, I cannot begin to imagine how you feel. Even if it is manipulation, it does seem like quite a desperate act intending to hit you really hard.
How easy it would be if we could take our children into our arms and kiss them better, but of course we can't.
I keep you and your son in my prayers. I pray that he will be touched by an angel and see there could be a different path to the one he is on now. I pray that God will keep him safe and give you peace. I pray for all our children who are so lost in their darkness, that a crack may appear and they may see a glimpse of light.
Please stay strong, dear woman.
How easy it would be if we could take our children into our arms and kiss them better, but of course we can't.
I keep you and your son in my prayers. I pray that he will be touched by an angel and see there could be a different path to the one he is on now. I pray that God will keep him safe and give you peace. I pray for all our children who are so lost in their darkness, that a crack may appear and they may see a glimpse of light.
Please stay strong, dear woman.
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
Kindeyes,
I'm so sorry that you are being hurt this way. I really hope that it is some sortof manipulation.
I will be thinking of & praying for your son & for your strength & comfort during this terrifying time. (((((((((((Very Concerned Hugs)))))))))))
I'm so sorry that you are being hurt this way. I really hope that it is some sortof manipulation.
I will be thinking of & praying for your son & for your strength & comfort during this terrifying time. (((((((((((Very Concerned Hugs)))))))))))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 456
Dear Kindeyes:
I woke up this morning and you, your son, and your husband were also included in my prayers.
I can relate as a mother and as a daughter of an alcoholic who watched her father struggle with addiction his entire life.
Since starting my recovery, there have been many situations where it has been difficult for me to ""Let Go and Let God." Especially when "God's Plan" seems cruel or just not fair.
During times like these I try to remind myself that I'm only seeing a small portion of "God's Plan". I can't see the ripple affects that all of our actions have and I can't see into the future. I may not be aware of all the potential positive things that may come out of awful situations.
Your contributions to SR have helped me so much in my recovery from codependency. Who knows, this thread might help another addict chose recovery so that they don't put their own mother through the pain you are now experiencing.
I'm sending you strength and positive thoughts. I hope you get to hit your son over his head with the pellet gun for putting your through such stress :-) After you hug him of course.
Fondly,
db
I woke up this morning and you, your son, and your husband were also included in my prayers.
I can relate as a mother and as a daughter of an alcoholic who watched her father struggle with addiction his entire life.
Since starting my recovery, there have been many situations where it has been difficult for me to ""Let Go and Let God." Especially when "God's Plan" seems cruel or just not fair.
During times like these I try to remind myself that I'm only seeing a small portion of "God's Plan". I can't see the ripple affects that all of our actions have and I can't see into the future. I may not be aware of all the potential positive things that may come out of awful situations.
Your contributions to SR have helped me so much in my recovery from codependency. Who knows, this thread might help another addict chose recovery so that they don't put their own mother through the pain you are now experiencing.
I'm sending you strength and positive thoughts. I hope you get to hit your son over his head with the pellet gun for putting your through such stress :-) After you hug him of course.
Fondly,
db
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Dear KE,
I did not realize your son's bio father was involved in using drugs with your son. This morning as I was walking the dogs, I began thinking that probably no one on SR has a situation like mine--where the father has actually been involved in drug use, buying, etc. with the son (starting when he was only 15). I just felt alone in that. It's something so totally alien to me that, to this day, I have a hard time wrapping my head around it, so I don't often try.
Then I came home and read your answer to LMN's question. For what it's worth, I felt less alone. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. You and your son and your husband are in my prayers.
I did not realize your son's bio father was involved in using drugs with your son. This morning as I was walking the dogs, I began thinking that probably no one on SR has a situation like mine--where the father has actually been involved in drug use, buying, etc. with the son (starting when he was only 15). I just felt alone in that. It's something so totally alien to me that, to this day, I have a hard time wrapping my head around it, so I don't often try.
Then I came home and read your answer to LMN's question. For what it's worth, I felt less alone. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. You and your son and your husband are in my prayers.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Well, I didn't remove my son from my Facebook account but I made it so that his posts don't hit my message feed. I have to deliberately go to his page to see anything.
So went looking this morning......he accepted two new friends six hours ago and wrote a one word message. Jib. Jib has many meanings related to skateboarding etc but it is also slang for crystal meth.
So I guess it's safe to say that this little stunt was purely manipulation once again. You'd think I'd learn.
Addiction sucks. At this point I honestly wish he would just leave me alone. I am feeling very little affection for him. I know in my heart that I love him. But I don't like him very much at all.
Thank you again for all of your kind words and prayers. I feel like a fool for letting him "get me" once again.
gentle hugs
ke
So went looking this morning......he accepted two new friends six hours ago and wrote a one word message. Jib. Jib has many meanings related to skateboarding etc but it is also slang for crystal meth.
So I guess it's safe to say that this little stunt was purely manipulation once again. You'd think I'd learn.
Addiction sucks. At this point I honestly wish he would just leave me alone. I am feeling very little affection for him. I know in my heart that I love him. But I don't like him very much at all.
Thank you again for all of your kind words and prayers. I feel like a fool for letting him "get me" once again.
gentle hugs
ke
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,905
Never thought I would say I was happy to hear someone was being manipulative, but in this case, considering the alternative, I am happy to hear it.
These addicts are still our children, and as much as we try to let it go, we still love them and they know exactly which buttons to push to "get us." You have no reason at all to feel like a fool.
These addicts are still our children, and as much as we try to let it go, we still love them and they know exactly which buttons to push to "get us." You have no reason at all to feel like a fool.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Prayingmama
None of us are alone in this mess called addiction. The script of the play has very little variation. I'm so sorry that you have a similar situation. My XAH started drugging with my son (from what I can figure out) when he was around 15-16. It's very difficult being the uncool parents (including my dear husband) spewing "say NO to drugs" when the other bio parent is passing them a joint.
You and your boy are in my prayers. And no......you most certainly aren't alone.
gentle hugs
ke
None of us are alone in this mess called addiction. The script of the play has very little variation. I'm so sorry that you have a similar situation. My XAH started drugging with my son (from what I can figure out) when he was around 15-16. It's very difficult being the uncool parents (including my dear husband) spewing "say NO to drugs" when the other bio parent is passing them a joint.
You and your boy are in my prayers. And no......you most certainly aren't alone.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Ah, alive. Sick, twisted, but alive.
I think all loving mothers are "fools" in the sense that their hearts are almost never hardened--and, yeah, that means they'll probably "get you" when you least expect it. I would rather be thought a fool because I was strong enough to be vulnerable than immune to pain. I think God's heart is always vulnerable to His children. Why would mine be so different?
I understand keeping the armor on with an addict and making sure the boundaries are secure, but to expect more than that (from myself anyway) is too much to ask. There's enough shame in addiction and all its ugliness--I can't be ashamed of periodically worrying about my addict, fearing the worst at times, or hoping for the best at other times.
I'm relieved for you, though, that, for today, you can dislike your son, strange as that may be.
Blessings.
I think all loving mothers are "fools" in the sense that their hearts are almost never hardened--and, yeah, that means they'll probably "get you" when you least expect it. I would rather be thought a fool because I was strong enough to be vulnerable than immune to pain. I think God's heart is always vulnerable to His children. Why would mine be so different?
I understand keeping the armor on with an addict and making sure the boundaries are secure, but to expect more than that (from myself anyway) is too much to ask. There's enough shame in addiction and all its ugliness--I can't be ashamed of periodically worrying about my addict, fearing the worst at times, or hoping for the best at other times.
I'm relieved for you, though, that, for today, you can dislike your son, strange as that may be.
Blessings.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
Originally Posted by Kindeyes 
I feel like a fool for letting him "get me" once again.
Now that you know your son is still going about is business, I hope that your heart is at peace and you can get back to living your life without fear of what he will do next.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Your contributions to SR have helped me so much in my recovery from codependency. Who knows, this thread might help another addict chose recovery so that they don't put their own mother through the pain you are now experiencing.
If sharing my experiences helps even ONE other human on this planet, it is worth the time and effort to share. If it's an addict who decides not to put their loved one through the mental games. Great. If it's a parent who feels comforted knowing that they are not alone. Great. If it opens the eyes of a gf or bf or spouse of an addict so that they can understand the game playing, lies and manipulations of an active addict. Great. And if it helps a parent of young children from exposing them to the bio parent who is addicted. Even better.
We all help each other. That's what SR is about. That's what 12 step meetings are about. Between meetings, SR, dear friends and my beloved husband........I'm able to stay sane and out of the looney bin. Lol. I have a lot to be grateful for.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 110
So sorry you are going through this Kindeyes. I'm relieved it appears to have been a manipulation. Since you didn't run to the rescue, here's to hoping that he's one step closer to his bottom...
For what it's worth, my sister has threatened suicide many, many times to manipulate us. The one time (that I know of) that she actually attempted to kill herself, she didn't tell a soul before. Luckily a friend found her before she succeeded.
For what it's worth, my sister has threatened suicide many, many times to manipulate us. The one time (that I know of) that she actually attempted to kill herself, she didn't tell a soul before. Luckily a friend found her before she succeeded.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Now that you know your son is still going about is business, I hope that your heart is at peace and you can get back to living your life without fear of what he will do next.
But as always.....time revealed more, didn't it? Time resolved my confusion.
THIS kind of stuff is where those steps and meeting come into play. In the past, I would have stayed in that state of confusion indefinitely......long after discovering that he is still alive and posting not-so-cryptic messages on Facebook. It would have left me off balance and depressed for weeks. I know that most of you understand what I mean.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 37
Dear KindEyes,
I totally know what you are going through and how you feel.
I'm so sorry you have to go through it all!
I am seriously struggling today.
After 3 months of sobriety, after almost 3 years, I found the floor on my birthday
( Friday )
....
Some really unexpected news from one of mine and the ex's mutual old friend hit me like 10 billion lead bullets.
And all though I wasnt suprized he ( the ex ) lied to me again, for the trillionth dang time.
I am still hurt and I just want it all to go away.
Sober since Saturday, after the hangover...
Praying! Praying! Praying!
I'll pray for you!
* Much respect & love! *
~Love, GT2~
I totally know what you are going through and how you feel.
I'm so sorry you have to go through it all!
I am seriously struggling today.
After 3 months of sobriety, after almost 3 years, I found the floor on my birthday
( Friday )
....Some really unexpected news from one of mine and the ex's mutual old friend hit me like 10 billion lead bullets.
And all though I wasnt suprized he ( the ex ) lied to me again, for the trillionth dang time.
I am still hurt and I just want it all to go away.
Sober since Saturday, after the hangover
...Praying! Praying! Praying!
I'll pray for you!
* Much respect & love! *
~Love, GT2~
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
GT2
I'm so sorry that you are struggling. Sometimes it's simply hard to find the strength to deal with life's stuff. Just remember that one bad day doesn't negate 90 good sober ones.
love and gentle hugs
ke
I'm so sorry that you are struggling. Sometimes it's simply hard to find the strength to deal with life's stuff. Just remember that one bad day doesn't negate 90 good sober ones.
love and gentle hugs
ke
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