LoveMeNow

My husband has befriended a young, recovering addict. This "kid" is only 20 yrs old, clean for 3 yrs, became an addict at the age of 8 yrs old, was getting high and drunk with his mother before and after his step dad was physically beating/abusing them. He quit school in the 8th grade, never had a Christmas or birthday party and was homeless months at a time. Despite it all, he found and embraces his own recovery. He started a "young people's meeting" on Friday nights and has earned the respect of many with some long sobriety time. He is cute as can be and is known for having a huge heart!!

My husband asked him to come by to talk about our son. I was shocked how well he knew my son without ever meeting him. He knew the games, the manipulation tactics, he KNEW him. He WAS him. Yet, not one psychologist has diagnosed my son as an addict. We have heard abandonment issues, ODD, Conduct Disorder, Reactive Attachment Disorder but no one has really addressed "addict personality." Interesting!!

This young man knew of resources, programs and places no one has suggested. Places in our area that I never knew existed.

He recognized how easy it was for my son to "play" me, how much he probably enjoyed it...and he does. He knew the dynamics of my relationship with my son and it was surreal to hear it. He warned me...."addicts are like blood suckers, they can sniff out an enabler a mile away and will suck us dry and move on to the next willing enabler."

I promise myself.....I will no longer be my son's enabler. I will NOT love him to death!! I will let him fall and I will let him learn. As a mother, he just seems too young to allow this....but is there ever a good age??

I have met with many psychologists, psychiatrists and LMHCs and NOT one of them could ever explain my son's thinking and behavior like this young man.

Nina Kay

All I can say is WOW I'm so impressed with this young man you've met.

YearForMe

God is working miracles in your life LMN : )

Learn2Live

This is why they need eachother to get well. Because no one but another addict knows how they think and can call them out on themselves.

crazybabie

Sounds like your HP, is working in your life.

Freedom1990

There is no one who understands an addict like another addict.

lesliej

sometimes when new people come to this forum and many of us suggest detachment rather than loving to death...I know I do...and then sometimes I get the, somewhat defensive, question back about "how well it worked for me" as though because my ex still uses the detachment didn't work afterall

this is the deal, the main reason I detached (as in fully) is because I needed to do so for myself not him...but it certainly helped to know that all the addicts who are in recovery who I interviewed during my research phase said the same thing as this young man

in fact most were friends/fellows/acquaintances of my ex and they would say "he'll get mad at me for saying this but the best thing you can do for both of you is to detach...let him go...let him go...let him go"

the detachment advice that I pass on is double sided part of it comes from what worked for ME to find serenity in my life...and the other side is about what is best for the addict...which in my research always sounded like the young man...QUIT ENABLING!!

thanks for sharing LMN!!!