pinkchampagne

I have been noticing that almost all of the movies and tv shows that I watch show relationships where people are being what you all would call codependdent.

Got me to thinking how those of you that are so into avoiding being a codependent - not doing for others what they can do for themselves, and parents not helping their kids, and all these big old boundaries you put up -

tv and movies must drive you crazy.

pinkchampagne

Im posting here because I wondered if watching all that in tv and movies bothered some of you. I never noticed about how people interacted before I started reading and learning about codependency.

If you dont want to answer, you dont have to be rude.

Nina Kay

pink,
We are into avoiding being Co-Dependent because we are trying to be healthier & be in healthier relationships. Everyone here has been through some very dangerous and/or heart-wrenching, life-altering experiences with our loved ones who are addicts. Our boundaries are for our own health, safety & sanity. We work towards not enabling our grown addict kids to continue down the road of addiction that may kill them. TV always has been & always will be Make Believe. It's not real life & when I watch tv, I don't think of it as real life.

Windmills

Have you come here tonight to be aggressive/attempt to provoke someone pinkchampagne?

crazybabie

Pink,consider rereading what codependency is the stickys are still at the top

pinkchampagne

No windmills Im not trying to be agressive or provoke. It was only a question.
I have been watching like the Kardashians for example, and there are a lot of things going on between the family that would not mesh with bundaries and codependency. I have only just noticed it however, and I wondered if others did and if it bothered you.

Its not just the Kardashians its in a lot of movies and tv, so I just wondered. why is that aggressive to ask?

I give up.

Vale

I think that the word codependent is perhaps too closely related to interdependent.
An interdependent family is a wonderful thing.There is give and take,resulting in a
synergistic total that is greater than the sum of the parts.It is a good thing.

Codependence,on the other hand,is a pattern of boundary crossings that is
commonly recognized by all as highly corrosive to all parties.

Neither has anything in common with direct aggression/provocation in an internet resource
that has been graciously created to allow people hurt by addiction to
help one another.That falls under the aegis of premeditated malice & cruelty.

Trapped in a psycho-pharmacological snare of a horriffic brain disease,addicted people
and those who care about them are still,in their own special way,innocent.

Those who would goad or ridicule or hurt them in any way.......are not.

Addiction and codependency are difficult problems
to solve.But they ARE workable,and amenable to understanding and hard work.
....and possibly ultimately repairable.

Not so a cold heart.

Kindeyes

Did anyone else find humor in this?

MeredithD1

I was kind of surprised upon reading this thread's responses. I just came in out of curiosity and to answer the original question.

If I'm watching TV, I have to put some distance between myself and It.

If I open to it, it is upsetting. It has been in the past. A lot of negativity is being broadcast over those waves.

There's that research I think most have seen (???) that says the mind can't really tell the difference between something you're "inventing in your mind" and something that's really happening to you on the physical level.

So if I'm watching TV and something negative, violent, codependent and/or (name your adjective/adverb/verb here) happens, then it takes a bit of work to detach from it.

I find myself muting/switching channels/looking away when people are laughing about the fun highs they get on alcohol/drugs, for example. Don't need to see it, don't think it's the right thing to put over the airwaves. That also applies to most types of violence. I've seen enough in my life. I don't want to watch it. No matter how much I like Nathan Fillion, for example, I refuse to watch him as Castle because the violence in that show is something that disturbs me. (Actually I like him best as Malcolm Reynolds, and the violence in Firefly doesn't disturb me most of the time. Strange, that.)

In the context of Nar-Anon/Al-Anon, if we're already vulnerable to, and over-stimulated by, certain things, then seeing them on TV can aggravate us.

I'm very careful about what I watch for those reasons.

Thank HP we can control what we watch.

(Kardashians? Watched it for a few minutes once. Found it irritating.)

Poppy_Petal

Pretending the opening post isn't passive aggressive...

I have a very hard time watching things with heavy drug use/drinking, I become uncomfortable and panicky just like it would if it was real life. If people get away with screwing up everything and being irresponsible I take it way more personally than is healthy or normal. Like...I'm really irritated that no one has taken out that Nancy from Weeds :lol and I CANNOT watch those blasted Kardashians

LoveMeNow

It used to really bother me that anyone would watch Two and Half men....because Charlie Sheen was a known drug and woman abuser.

Then after having company who wanted to watch it, I got kind of hooked on the show for a while. Then it really bothered me no one tried to get Charlie Harper to an AA meeting.

I know, I know....I am the poster child for co-dependency.

crazybabie

I do not watch much TV simply because it can't keep my attention, the shows that do I sometimes can't watch for various reasons such as,Domestic violence scenes, (I watched my mom get beat for 5 years) Rape, scenes, ( I am a rape survivor)

I cry at some commercials lol and if I watch MS. America I cry when they crown the winner. Not sure why.

I agree with another poster that what we see on TV, we know is not reality puts a different spin on things.

tbeit

I get very emotional at times when I watch tv/movies about all kinds of family dynamics.Yes I know its not real but it still kicks up stuff from my past.
I dont get all the agressive posts against this poster she didnt do what some of you wanted her to do and some are rude to her.JMHO
Not everyone is in the same place in recovery and not everyone is ready Not every situation calls for the same boundries and not everyone who has problems with drugs/ alcohol becomes a hopeless addict who needs to be helped to their bottom. I feel this person comes here with real questions and real feelings and I know for sure that this forum was made to help people not judge or ridicule them. I hope we dont scare people away who naive or new just because we were hurt by our qualfier

Kindeyes

I don't know of any parent here on SR with an addicted child (adult or juvenile) who wouldn't take offense to that statement.

If the poster has no "big old boundaries", she's in for a world of hurt that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

The Kardashian statement was funny.....plain and simple. I can think of so many television shows and movies that could be difficult for a loved one of an addict to watch. "Breaking Bad" comes to mind......just because there is no way I can see the humor or entertainment value of meth production--sensitive subject for me--watched a couple episodes--couldn't stomach it. Ummmmm......old movie....."Midnight Express"......powerful......watched it many many years ago--it was tough to watch then--don't know if I could watch it now. More recent movie "The Fighter" the family dynamics were a mess.... Christian Bale, phenominal performance as a professional boxer and active addict but tough to watch. Kardashians? Really?

I try to be very compassionate in my responses......but honestly......this simply didn't come across as a serious question. It came across to me as an attempt to bait people and unfortunately......it worked.

Just callin' it like I see it.

gentle hugs
ke

TanyaScared

Actually while the movie Old Yeller was fiction. It was based on real life accounts of the authors grandfather.

I get why the poster feels offended. I didnt see anything wrong with her question and Im not sure why you would feel the need to say something like 'have someone explain'

Im a new poster and sometimes I feel unwelcome cause I dont buy into everything. Just being honest.

Nina Kay

I agree with everything that Kindeyes just said. And Kindeyes IS always compassionate with her responses. As for my response, I'm sorry if anyone took it in the wrong way. I was really trying to be patient & just honestly answer pink's questions, from my own personal experiences.

Ann

As a mom, I take serious offense too. And since this thread has probably run its course and is heading south, I believe I will close it.

Let's go welcome the next newcomer and leave the TV off.

Thank you all for understanding.

Ann