just getting it off my chest
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
just getting it off my chest
Today I am feeling obsessed with trying to get in touch with my son. I am near tears, I am constantly checking Facebook and I have resisted posting a desperate message to him at least 10 times.
We got a notice of warrant yesterday in the mail due to an unpaid trolley violation he had in April. I think he was issued a warrant because he is on probation.
This is probably a good thing, as if he is picked up, at least he has a chance to detox (while in jail though).
My friends, I know it is my ego and my motherly instinct that is driving my behavior right now. What advice would any of you have to reinforce the need for me to "stay hands off the addict?".
We got a notice of warrant yesterday in the mail due to an unpaid trolley violation he had in April. I think he was issued a warrant because he is on probation.
This is probably a good thing, as if he is picked up, at least he has a chance to detox (while in jail though).
My friends, I know it is my ego and my motherly instinct that is driving my behavior right now. What advice would any of you have to reinforce the need for me to "stay hands off the addict?".
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I try to remember that my son is on his journey and I never know what may occur on that journey that could possibly lead him to recovery. I no longer obsess about my son's whereabouts as I know that if anything happens to him, I will be notified. There is no need for me to worry about that which has not happened and may not happen. It robs me of my life. The best way that I can honor myself, my family, and my son.....is to live my life well.....and allow my son the dignity to live his life's experiences without my interference.
When I do get a little waffly on my own recovery, I get busy......doing anything to get out of obsess-mode. It works for me.
You and your son are in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
When I do get a little waffly on my own recovery, I get busy......doing anything to get out of obsess-mode. It works for me.
You and your son are in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
I am not equipped to give advice, but I can offer ********{hugs}}}}
Can you get out and walk/run? When I'm at my craziest, going as far and as fast as I can for as long as I can usually resets the endless loop in my head.
I'm so sorry you're in this place today. You are loved and accepted here (and who among us can not relate to what you are feeling?).
When your hands come off the clay on the wheel, God's hands can take over.
Wishing you peace.
Can you get out and walk/run? When I'm at my craziest, going as far and as fast as I can for as long as I can usually resets the endless loop in my head.
I'm so sorry you're in this place today. You are loved and accepted here (and who among us can not relate to what you are feeling?).
When your hands come off the clay on the wheel, God's hands can take over.
Wishing you peace.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
thank you all! I just realized today is the 60th day since I saw my son last and so many recovering A's say that 60 days is a marker when temptation kicks in a major way. As my addiction IS Codependency, I am facing that temptation.
I so adore you all, thank you for reaching out. Hands off FB!!!
I so adore you all, thank you for reaching out. Hands off FB!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Anywhere USA
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I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. This just may be exactly what he needs to get into recovery. Blessings sometimes come in disguise. And for what it's worth, the term co-dependent is overused and labeling. You sound like a mother to me. God Bless!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Well Im new here so take what I say with a grain of salt. Ive been told I dont have enough experience to comment at this point so Ive been staying off the forum as much as possible.
I know that it is not healthy to obsess overthings we cannot control with our children.
But what I think is that 'hand off the addict' is done for you. To give you peace of mind and realize you cant control the situation.
However, I also feel that if you have something that you feel in your heart that you need to say to your son, and Facebook is the only way you have to do that, then do it. Not over and over, because that is pointless. But say what you need to say because truthfully you might never get that chance again and you need a clear conscious.
If you have already said what you need to say, then be at peace with that, and spend the day being kind to yourself knowing God is looking over your son and things will unfold as they are meant to.
I know that it is not healthy to obsess overthings we cannot control with our children.
But what I think is that 'hand off the addict' is done for you. To give you peace of mind and realize you cant control the situation.
However, I also feel that if you have something that you feel in your heart that you need to say to your son, and Facebook is the only way you have to do that, then do it. Not over and over, because that is pointless. But say what you need to say because truthfully you might never get that chance again and you need a clear conscious.
If you have already said what you need to say, then be at peace with that, and spend the day being kind to yourself knowing God is looking over your son and things will unfold as they are meant to.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Thanks Its the Pop, I have said what I needed to say. I sent him a text on Tuesday saying I will support him in choosing detox and recovery and that I love him. What I feel today is more a desperation to make him respond. That is the unhealthy obsession. Hands off the addict is entirely for me. By me sending another FB message, it instills a fantasy and hope in me that somehow my words will make something happen.
I know that words don't make anything happen for an addict.
I appreciate your response
TT
I know that words don't make anything happen for an addict.
I appreciate your response
TT
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Y'know TT, when I get like that I just get here on SR and read. I try to meditate a little, listen to some favorite music,..maybe do some artwork if I have it in me. What I'm REALLY doing is what I call "riding the wave". It's an 'urge' to make contact and the urge will subside when my equilibrium is restored. Sometimes it takes an hour, sometimes it takes a week, but I know I'll be OK soon.
I know it always helps me to reach out for support and comfort here. What a lifeline!
((((hugs)))), sweetie.
I know it always helps me to reach out for support and comfort here. What a lifeline!
((((hugs)))), sweetie.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
You have given JJ to God!! So, he is in God's hands now so step back and let God do HIS will. Don't get in the way!!
(We always mess things up when we try to take back the control from God....like we can do it better.
)
Keep remembering Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
I pray you find peace today, tomorrow and always.
Keep the Faith!!
ETA - At the is point, one post is too many and a thousand will never be enough.
(We always mess things up when we try to take back the control from God....like we can do it better.
)Keep remembering Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
I pray you find peace today, tomorrow and always.
Keep the Faith!!
ETA - At the is point, one post is too many and a thousand will never be enough.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by itsthepop 
Well Im new here so take what I say with a grain of salt. Ive been told I dont have enough experience to comment at this point so Ive been staying off the forum as much as possible.
I know that it is not healthy to obsess overthings we cannot control with our children.
But what I think is that 'hand off the addict' is done for you. To give you peace of mind and realize you cant control the situation.
However, I also feel that if you have something that you feel in your heart that you need to say to your son, and Facebook is the only way you have to do that, then do it. Not over and over, because that is pointless. But say what you need to say because truthfully you might never get that chance again and you need a clear conscious.
If you have already said what you need to say, then be at peace with that, and spend the day being kind to yourself knowing God is looking over your son and things will unfold as they are meant to.
I know that it is not healthy to obsess overthings we cannot control with our children.
But what I think is that 'hand off the addict' is done for you. To give you peace of mind and realize you cant control the situation.
However, I also feel that if you have something that you feel in your heart that you need to say to your son, and Facebook is the only way you have to do that, then do it. Not over and over, because that is pointless. But say what you need to say because truthfully you might never get that chance again and you need a clear conscious.
If you have already said what you need to say, then be at peace with that, and spend the day being kind to yourself knowing God is looking over your son and things will unfold as they are meant to.
IMO, anyone who has found there way here has something to share, something to learn and something to offer. I hope you continue to post.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Well Im new here so take what I say with a grain of salt. Ive been told I dont have enough experience to comment at this point so Ive been staying off the forum as much as possible.
gentle hugs
ke
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