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My EXABF admitted himself to a pysch Ward today, What now?

Old 07-12-2012, 07:13 PM
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My EXABF admitted himself to a pysch Ward today, What now?

He decided everything was too hard to take and told everyone he wanted to kill himself. I'm lost on what to do, is there anything I can do now? just sit and wait? move on, never look back for him?
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Old 07-12-2012, 07:19 PM
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Why do you feel the need to do anything? He's your ex-boyfriend, right? If you absolutely feel like you must do something, pray that he finds the answers to his issues, then go on with your life.
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Old 07-12-2012, 07:20 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear, that must be heartwrenching to say the least and above all, such a helpless feeling.

But if there's one thing I learned here, no matter the situation of our addicted loved ones, there is nothing WE can do for THEM but let them be as incredibly hard as that is. At least know that he is safe while in the hospital where he will get the proper care he needs. And what you can do is take care of yourself right now. Are you with a friend or family member? Wherever you are, hold yourself tight, be thankful there's help, pray if you do, and try to get a peaceful night's sleep.

(((hugs)))
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Old 07-12-2012, 07:31 PM
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Originally Posted by suki44883 View Post
Why do you feel the need to do anything? He's your ex-boyfriend, right? If you absolutely feel like you must do something, pray that he finds the answers to his issues, then go on with your life.
Because there must be something I can do, it's a military thing, we always want to help eachother somehow.
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Old 07-12-2012, 07:36 PM
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Originally Posted by HopefulGF65 View Post
I'm so sorry to hear, that must be heartwrenching to say the least and above all, such a helpless feeling.

But if there's one thing I learned here, no matter the situation of our addicted loved ones, there is nothing WE can do for THEM but let them be as incredibly hard as that is. At least know that he is safe while in the hospital where he will get the proper care he needs. And what you can do is take care of yourself right now. Are you with a friend or family member? Wherever you are, hold yourself tight, be thankful there's help, pray if you do, and try to get a peaceful night's sleep.

(((hugs)))
Thank You, I'm just having a hard time with all of this and this is the only place I feel like I can Vent or find answers. Everyone exspects me to be his baby sitter and make sure he's okay and in a way I feel like a failure because it's gone so far. I know I cant control this but the old feelings still creep in. I need to go back to my Alanon groups again as well, this last week though I had a feeling of maybe I could keep a friendship with him, like mothers get to do with their alcoholic children. I still believe I will in the long run but this also leads me to unhappy days like today when he ends up in a hospital.
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Old 07-12-2012, 07:55 PM
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Originally Posted by holdingontight View Post
Thank You, I'm just having a hard time with all of this and this is the only place I feel like I can Vent or find answers. Everyone exspects me to be his baby sitter and make sure he's okay and in a way I feel like a failure because it's gone so far. I know I cant control this but the old feelings still creep in. I need to go back to my Alanon groups again as well, this last week though I had a feeling of maybe I could keep a friendship with him, like mothers get to do with their alcoholic children. I still believe I will in the long run but this also leads me to unhappy days like today when he ends up in a hospital.
We can't do it all and that's how we all got here - because each and every one of us thought we could. Hell, I am fighting the good fight to handle my life, what was i ever thinking I could manage my exabf's?? A friendship is one thing but living your life seeking ways to help him is fruitless and I know that's a hard thing to swllow. Even being friends you will always walk that fine line of being a friend (who needs to stay detached and grounded) and the dark world of co-dependency. The water is very muddy here, I should know, I feel I could be a poster child for it, lol.

Just ask yourself if you're getting anything out of remaining friends with him because any relationship is a two way street of giving and taking but never all just take or all just give. It will leave you exhausted.
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Old 07-13-2012, 07:30 AM
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HoldingOnTight,
What you can do is Let Go and Let God. Don't believe that? Can't wrap your head around that? Do you have a Higher Power? Accept that there is nothing you can do. You did not Cause this, You cannot Cure this, and You cannot Control this. There is nothing you can do. Nothing. You are not responsible for another person's sobriety, mental health, behavior, or consequences. Your obsession with helping this person has NOTHING to do with being military. You are making excuses for your sick thinking, the way the alcoholic and the addict make excuses for their sick behavior.

The person you are talking about is a VERY sick man. If all the doctors and professionals that surround him now are unable to help him, what makes you think YOU can? You are not God. Let go of this person's problems, his outcomes; let go of the feeling of responsibility you have towards making this person right and ending his suffering. Only God can end their suffering. You have NOTHING to do with another person's relationship with God.
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Old 07-13-2012, 07:43 AM
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When you write "I feel like a failure" that is a symptom of codependent thinking. So you are right, a return to Al-Anon to get your thinking cleared up is a great idea.

To be healthy again means not to be hooked by an addict's behavior. As soon as you begin thinking "what should I do for him?" you are hooked again.

As others have said, it is compassionate to say a prayer for his well-being, but hands off the addict. Do not dive into his addiction, his business, his medical issues, his recovery.

We have to monitor our own egos in these situations. We can be as grandiose as the addict when we think we will be the one who makes a difference in the direction of his life.
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Old 07-13-2012, 09:19 AM
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Originally Posted by holdingontight View Post
Because there must be something I can do, it's a military thing, we always want to help eachother somehow.
I mean no snark when I say, it's an ego thing. We believe we can fix other people Heck, we believe we can fix other fixers. We call it support.
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Old 07-13-2012, 10:48 AM
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sounds like the hospital was a good decision on his part. Take that as a positive. Pray for him. You can relax knowing he is in good care. I don't know if you want to continue a relationship with him or not, that is up to you. I wouldn't rush to make any decisions. See how he does in the hospital, see if he follows up with care after he gets out. But above all don't put your life on hold. I wish you well!
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