Justfor1

So my son is staying with me this summer. He arrives in a few days & I plan to surprise him with a drug test that has all seven panels. He is a teenager & I feel like there needs to be a wake up call. Where can I buy a good one? I was thinking about contacting my ex probation officer because she said their court ordered drug kit is the best. Please no lectures as I know I have not been a good example of responsible sober living but I feel it's best to attack this potential problem early before he graduates to harder drugs. Yes, I believe that pot can be a gateway drug for some people. Any recommendations? Thanks

LoveMeNow

You can order any of them (1 -12 panel) on line for far less $$. Just a warning though, my son had clean urine stored and passed all his court ordered drug tests. Unreal!!

EJG123

Have you decided what happens if he tests positive for one or more drugs?

incitingsilence

Advice don’t do it…and yeah I know, no lectures, lets call this sharing

When did you start using?
If you were a teen did you find that the reactions of those around you made you smarter?

I still see my mother as the best teacher of how not to get caught. I was happy drinking, I had no need to move on when I did … I did because of the smell my breath thing … ok smoke pot … wtf my eyes … ok take pills and I went on and on until I just didn’t care anymore because of two thing one it didn’t matter if I used or not she was so sick that the reactions would be the same…that doesn’t teach anything and two because it was a power struggle of who was gonna win … as a teen, well teens won’t ever be letting their parents win, know anything, possibly be right, not when it becomes this insane game.

I still swear that our kids become the best manipulators because we taught them to be by our reactions.

I think they learn to be more comfortable and at home on the streets because we give them time to think rescuing them over and over in the beginning when it should hurt and be confusing and scary.

So I wonder can he come home with a clean slate, no past playing out …
Can you take a step back, give him some space, let him play it out. Treat his as capable, responsible, no slacking, give him a purpose, keep him involved in everything including fair rules, what would be normal responsibilities for his age. Totally respect him even if not returned and lots of love, watch how much you need to talk, no repeating, they do hear the first time, listen, always be there to listen…and don’t do the classic you should have learned from me line … but I would advise and all my children know this, the gene is there, we can’t predict who will become addicts, and it might be as simple as one drink, one joint in fun, hell one pill medically necessary can be enough to start that fire. I do believe in them getting that information, so they don’t go in blind…

Good Luck!

Ann

Is he a known drug user or is it just because he's a teen and you want to be sure?

I find drug tests are degrading for the person insisting on one and the person taking it both. They often don't work unless done by a professional and even if he tests as using something, there can be outside factors that would set it off...and/or the person taking the test will explain it away. It's a lose/lose proposition.

It may be better to set boundaries and house rules and let him know what they are and that there are consequences if broken.

Good luck.

outtolunch

So you test him and it comes up clean...then what?
Or if it comes up dirty, then what? " Gotcha" don't mean diddley.

Justfor1

I think a positive test for a drug test would have a impact on a teenager. The court ordered ones I use to have to do every few months are extremely reliable (they have to be) and there is no way to tamper with them.

incitingsilence

No control ...

This has a huge potential to go bad fast. And drug tests are unreliable for one reason, you can't possibly test for every known abuseable drug out there...It isn't possible. So say he is taking something, takes the test straight up and passes....lesson learned, I didn't get caught...and if he is computer savvy, which most children are, they already know all the how to get around's...

Are you trying to see if he is being caught up in what many teens do, get high?
Are you putting a drug test on the table because you are an addict and are concerned about him following in your footsteps?
Or do you know and see definitive signs that your son is using, and it is effecting his health...and then if so why isn't that enough?

Tread carefully....

Freedom1990

As the mother of an adult addict daughter, if I feel I have to drug test in my home, then she doesn't need to be in my home.

As each of my daughters reached their teen years and started using drugs (they are 10 years apart), I eventually became so entrenched with their lives that my own recovery got shoved down the priority list. I "thought" I could make an impact on their drug usage. I was living in a fantasy.

Thank God for supportive friends in recovery who helped me get back on track with my life.

Just my own personal experience.

doggonecarl

I think a negative result will have an impact too. On trust. His.

suki44883

I no longer drink and if anyone in my family needed to see a test to believe that, they would no longer be seeing me. I think it is degrading, for both of you.

SundaysChild

Drug tests are easy to beat. My son had it down to a science - but we kept buying them. They are not cheap.

To answer your original question, feel free to PM me if you'd like info about which brand I used - to answer your original question.


We drug tested each time we were concerned that my son was relapsing again. It turned me into a crazy person, trying to figure out when to test, whether he was cheating the test, or whether he'd go out and use again right after we tested. And, if the test was positive, there was always an excuse " I was in a room where people were smoking, but I wasn't." "It only show positive for opiates because I borrowed Suboxone- I'm trying to beat it." "Yes, I slipped last week, but I've been clean since then." I was going absolutely insane.

When we suspected he'd relapsed a few months ago, I thought about drug testing, but was able to look at my previous experience, and do nothing. I figured that his behavior would eventually show what I "knew" to be true...and it did.

I don't think drug tests are a deterrent - it actually becomes another game that they can "win" for a dopamine rush - so in a contrary sort of way, they can be an incentive.

I wish you luck this summer.

MsPINKAcres

I have seen my ex ah and several other addicts "pass" every drug test they have ever been given and I know that I know that I know these people were using drugs illegally!

can you come up with another plan?

cangel2

Perhaps instead of testing your son you two could go to some meetings together. If you know he is using then that might be more beneficial....along with "House rules/consequences" related to drug use.

I am not sure what message you are wanting to share with your son. Leading teenagers to information and letting them sift through and ask questions always seemed a better choice to me than being outright authoritative and dictatorial.

Justfor1

Thanks everyone. I am not going to test my son. I plan on bringing my son to a big open meeting I go to. He just has that attitude that "pot should be legal". I believe that pot is just as dangerous as heroin/cocaine.