Marley77

The situation has taken a turn. The couple has broken up. The girl claimed the guy hit her. Her friends went by and beat him up. Needless to say, he was forced to leave (his story) with only the clothes he was wearing. I asked both him and the girl where Melissa was. The girl got an attitude with me and said she was her fiance's "new chick". I asked him about it and he denied it. Tried to tell him to have her call home or call me or someone. But this has been to no avail. She doesn't have a phone of her own, so this has been hard. I don't regret what I did, and I don't think she knows it was me. In truth, I have no idea what has happened or what transpired. But my sister and that guy are not at the house anymore. The lease was in the guys name, so they went to get some paperwork filed out to have them escorted off. My sister went with the police, but apparently the police believed the girl and not my sis. So now my sister and that guy have lost everything. Currently, they both live with his dad. I tried to offer help and encouragement to him but at 2:30 in the morning a couple of days ago, I received some very mean and immature texts, threatening to block my number if I didn't show him some respect. My sister is jobless, homeless, without her things, and without a phone. I am severely grieved. But all I can do is wait. I have discovered that I have major control issues and I want things done my way when I want it. I am having a hard time stepping back. She is my twin sister and I'm almost empty without her. But She is in the throws of addiction. I have to wait for her to ask for help. And I can't navigate the ending. And I also can't make her my responsibility. I live 800 miles away. There is not much I can do. But I'm angry and frustrated and lonely none the less. I miss her. I miss talking to her. I miss hearing her voice. I miss being able to call her to tell her about something silly that happened during the day. She did call me yesterday, but it did not go well. If you ask her even simple questions about her situation, she just gets mad and thinks you are judging her. She did say she would like to get her old job back -- which she can do-- and support the guy that she left with (they both swear they are not "together"). Dumbest idea EVER!! She is 35--so I suppose she has the right to flush her life down the toilet. It's so painful! How do you all get through this?

Ann

We get through it one day at a time, Marley.

Let her know that you love her and that only she can decide the life she chooses to live. Then let go.

I know that sounds easier than it is, but I promise you if you think letting go is hard...try keeping yourself in the middle of this insanity and see how hard it gets.

I say that with love in my heart because I spent years minding my addicted son's business, and all it did was take me down with him.

Today I say a prayer each morning asking God to watch over him, then spend the rest of the day in faith that He will. I spent years trying to save him and in the end I almost died trying.

It is sad to lose our loved ones to the disease of addiction, it is just as sad to lose ourselves.

I hope you find the support here helpful to dealing with this.

Hugs

PrayingMama

Mother of 21-year-old son in program for opiate/heroin addiction; can't begin to explain XH's issues, which affect son as long as he lives in that house; have other family member whose problems my husband and I responded to poorly (i.e., offering support we should have known better than to offer, but we did and we own the consequences and are paying the price, but arghhhh!). How do I deal with the frustration and anger and uncertainty and grief?

Some days better than others. I walk, read, write, clean, cook, spend fun time with younger sons/husband/friends, pray, meditate, take another walk, work in the yard... I also attend FA meetings and visit SR.

No magic, but small miracles that are big to me because these simple, ordinary, everyday activities restore my soul and my sanity. And that's priceless.

Wishing you all the small miracles you need today.