EnglishGarden

The most important challenge for you will be to lose any naivete about the drug world.

So, some books:
"Tweaked" by Nic Scheff and "Beautiful Boy" by David Scheff (his father)
"I Want My Life Back" by Steve Hamilton (one of the NA founders)
"Cracked" by Dr. Drew Pinsky (addictionologist)

The thing about opiate abuse is that it can be so difficult to spot. Heroin addicts can switch to oxycontin and other opiates to get by, and you never know they're using UNLESS they run out and the dope sickness sets in. But if they have a steady supply of pills--which are very very available-- they seem just fine. Good mood, can be quite productive, and can continue this way for years on pills as long as the supply doesn't run out. Eventually everything will crack wide open, but they can fool a lot of people for a long time. Oxys cost a lot, though, which is why young people use cheaper heroin.

Pay attention to his pupils.

Also, giving a prescription of ANYTHING to an addict to take home and follow directions NEVER WORKS. I mean....they are ADDICTS. They have no control. Give an addict a bottle of something, anything, which is mood-altering in the least (Benadryl!) at breakfast and it will be empty by dinner. (Most anti-depressants are not mood-altering. If they were, Prozac would be sold on street corners). So...Xanax to a drug addict is nuts.

The addictive disease is always the core issue, not the substance. That is what has to be treated.

There are opinions about rehab--useful or a waste of money, etc--but one thing is certain: if he is not in rehab and he is not attending daily recovery meetings and he is packing to go back to the people,places and things.....he is a whisper away from using. The pull to use is pretty much overpowering for a young heroin addict just white-knuckling. And the crushing depression of withdrawal is so painful for them.....they run back to drugs to avoid that agonizing torment. This is why I personally think rehab with medical detox is best for opiate addicts.

I am not the parent of an addict, but have been involved with a drug addict, so I have done quite a bit of reading. I had to lose my naivete. You will serve your family well if you lose yours.

Is Al-Anon or Nar-Anon on your list of recovery tools? If you find a good strong meeting with people who understand the true concept of powerlessness and the necessity for a spiritual foundation when addiction takes hold in a family, you will feel much less alone and less afraid.

Welcome to SR.

And: There is hope for your son. In the Nar-Anon meeting I sometimes attend, there are parents there with young heroin addict children your son's age who are clean and have been so for several months. And what made the BIGGEST difference in those young addicts' lives was their parents going into recovery first.

peaceinthepines

English Garden- "are opinions about rehab--useful or a waste of money, etc--but one thing is certain: if he is not in rehab and he is not attending daily recovery meetings and he is packing to go back to the people,places and things.....he is a whisper away from using. The pull to use is pretty much overpowering for a young heroin addict just white-knuckling. And the crushing depression of withdrawal is so painful for them.....they run back to drugs to avoid that agonizing torment. This is why I personally think rehab with medical detox is best for opiate addicts."

I completely agree with this, English Garden!! And this is what is breaking my heart! I know that right now he is not doing ANYTHING to increase the odds for his recovery. He is sitting around his friend's house whining that he has no motivation, he feels terrible and he's too depressed to do anything.

Also, just a couple of days ago he got an email from his GF in which she really gave it to him for leaving the state w/out telling her, blah, blah, blah. His addiction to this girl who has multiple mental health problems and is also an addict is HUGE. He can't stay away from her for very long even though she has caused him great pain and many troubles (mental, physical and legal). They feed off of each other in a very sick, codependent relationship. As I posted earlier, she was the main reason I agreed to buy him a ticket to come out here. My ex and I both felt strongly that our son had 0% chance of kicking H or even surviving very long as long as he was with her.

So, I know my son has severe addiction issues, not just w/ drugs, but also with this girl. I have done a lot of reading and continue to do more. I have learned more about H (and other opiates) and about addictions than I ever wanted to know. My son started off his opiate addiction using oxys and other pills before going to H because the H was cheaper. My ex is a RA, so I've been through hell and back with him and his addictions, too.

I am currently in private counseling to help me deal with my son's problems. My counselor gave me info for a group of families of addicts, but so far I haven't been able to attend because of a conflict in my schedule. I should add that I am remarried and get lots of support from my husband. We have two young kids who I have tried to shield from this mess for now. One of my biggest challenges is staying present and fully focusing on their lives while dealing w/ the heartbreak I have over my older son. I don't want to miss out on their lives because of this.

Thanks to Zoso and EnglishGarden and everyone else for supporting me. I feel like all I keep saying in my posts is "thanks", but I really mean it!