Do interventions work?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Do interventions work?
One of my best friends is a heavy coke user but also a heavy drinker.
She's been using since her teens (she's 43 now).
I've walked away from this friendship probably about 5 times in the 13 yrs I've known her, each time missing her, but very relieved not to deal with her insanity.
Every time she reconnects with me, it's for one reason or another and I let her back into my life.
When she came back into my life last March, she sat me down and confessed all her lies, admitted her sickness and told me she hit bottom and wants to get well.
Turns out, she's "dating" a "married" guy who is a drug dealer, just had a baby, is a sex addict and a bunch of other crazy traits and this guy told her "if we are going to be together, I don't want u around my kids being a coke head". She didn't want to get well for her, but for this guy.
My friend and I found her a rehab, she went to register and for the first meeting and she never went back.
Her and this guy are so abusive and CRAZY to each other, it's so scary.
Then she went away on a trip last week, met some guy and now is saying she is going to move there to be with him (she has done this in the past with another guy)
Needless to say, her behavior is out of control. She keeps missing work (she's lost so many jobs) and it's only a matter of time before she is fired from this one.
She comes from a GREAT family, all 8 bro's and sisters happily married for over 25 yrs, parents are great and there is no addiction in her family, or divorce or any craziness.
She certainly has a personality disorder, but refuses to get help.
I can say in the 13 yrs I've know her, she has done the most outrageous things.
Before I would walk away, now I am wondering if I should confront her family and tell them. They know she is not right, but have no idea about her drugs etc.....
Is it worth it? Do I walk away from her for good this time? Or do I tell her family and advise them to organize an intervention?
She is a person with the most amazing heart and soul, but she is SO SICK, GOD she is sick!
She's been using since her teens (she's 43 now).
I've walked away from this friendship probably about 5 times in the 13 yrs I've known her, each time missing her, but very relieved not to deal with her insanity.
Every time she reconnects with me, it's for one reason or another and I let her back into my life.
When she came back into my life last March, she sat me down and confessed all her lies, admitted her sickness and told me she hit bottom and wants to get well.
Turns out, she's "dating" a "married" guy who is a drug dealer, just had a baby, is a sex addict and a bunch of other crazy traits and this guy told her "if we are going to be together, I don't want u around my kids being a coke head". She didn't want to get well for her, but for this guy.
My friend and I found her a rehab, she went to register and for the first meeting and she never went back.
Her and this guy are so abusive and CRAZY to each other, it's so scary.
Then she went away on a trip last week, met some guy and now is saying she is going to move there to be with him (she has done this in the past with another guy)
Needless to say, her behavior is out of control. She keeps missing work (she's lost so many jobs) and it's only a matter of time before she is fired from this one.
She comes from a GREAT family, all 8 bro's and sisters happily married for over 25 yrs, parents are great and there is no addiction in her family, or divorce or any craziness.
She certainly has a personality disorder, but refuses to get help.
I can say in the 13 yrs I've know her, she has done the most outrageous things.
Before I would walk away, now I am wondering if I should confront her family and tell them. They know she is not right, but have no idea about her drugs etc.....
Is it worth it? Do I walk away from her for good this time? Or do I tell her family and advise them to organize an intervention?
She is a person with the most amazing heart and soul, but she is SO SICK, GOD she is sick!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Interventions can work. I was a part of one (before I became a candidate for one myself) and my friend did sober up. I would wager a guess that 80% or more of the people who get approached for an intervention do not stay sober. There are definitely relapses.
IMHO, this job calls for a professional. Are you getting someone to do this? Do you really think you can do this without a professional?
IMHO, this job calls for a professional. Are you getting someone to do this? Do you really think you can do this without a professional?
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
A professional interventionist works with the family before the intervention, providing education about addiction, and direction to resources for support that are needed whether or not the addict accepts the offer to go to rehab.
If you work with a good interventionist, the intervention is the beginning of the family dynamic healing process.
When we did the intervention with our son, the interventionist urged us to have our entire extended family there- this forced us to come of of the closest, so to speak, and tell our son's aunts and uncles about the drug use. We all met with the interventionist the day before, and did family work to prepare us. While not every family member there embraced recovery, it did give us a common language and frame of reference.
My son did choose rehab rather than the streets after the intervention- although he did "run" for about 12 hours before calling and saying he was ready....but the intervention would have "worked" regardless of his choice, because of its effect on the family.
If you work with a good interventionist, the intervention is the beginning of the family dynamic healing process.
When we did the intervention with our son, the interventionist urged us to have our entire extended family there- this forced us to come of of the closest, so to speak, and tell our son's aunts and uncles about the drug use. We all met with the interventionist the day before, and did family work to prepare us. While not every family member there embraced recovery, it did give us a common language and frame of reference.
My son did choose rehab rather than the streets after the intervention- although he did "run" for about 12 hours before calling and saying he was ready....but the intervention would have "worked" regardless of his choice, because of its effect on the family.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by cynical one 
What are the chances that after 43 years her parents will stop enabling because you ask them to? I'd say about 0%, and that's not a slam on you, just the nature of the beast. I'm sure her siblings have tried to educate, beg, plead, convince them to stop with no success.
I just wondered if they knew how bad it really was, if they would do something.
There is little hope.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Intervention is part of my recovery
story that I used to share in my ESH
to those who are still struggling with
addiction.
Family stepped in with this intervention
to help me and save my life when I couldnt
help myself. For that I am extremely grateful
to have experience it 21 yrs ago as I continue
traveling the road of recovery a day at a time.
story that I used to share in my ESH
to those who are still struggling with
addiction.
Family stepped in with this intervention
to help me and save my life when I couldnt
help myself. For that I am extremely grateful
to have experience it 21 yrs ago as I continue
traveling the road of recovery a day at a time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by anvilhead
oh gosh, i forgot.....you don't want to hear any opinion that conflicts with what you've already decided. DULY NOTED.
Why are you so bitter? Did I do something wrong to you. Is your opinion the final say?
Anyway, you're obviously only here to stir the pot, so best you don't add anymore here. Let's keep it simple. I am looking for help, not drama from you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by aasharon90
Intervention is part of my recovery
story that I used to share in my ESH
to those who are still struggling with
addiction.
Family stepped in with this intervention
to help me and save my life when I couldnt
help myself. For that I am extremely grateful
to have experience it 21 yrs ago as I continue
traveling the road of recovery a day at a time.
story that I used to share in my ESH
to those who are still struggling with
addiction.
Family stepped in with this intervention
to help me and save my life when I couldnt
help myself. For that I am extremely grateful
to have experience it 21 yrs ago as I continue
traveling the road of recovery a day at a time.
My friend is a good spirit, so caring and loving deserves healing, but I am not sure I can step in.
I never would even think about doing this for anyone, not even the ex I was with who was an addict.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Can an intervention work? Sure....if the person in question is highly motivated.
Did the intervention work with our son? No. And to support Cynical One in her assessment, I was the weak link. Does that mean that I'm at "fault" because he didn't get clean and sober. No. But I certainly didn't help the situation.
Ultimately, we can't force anyone to do what they don't want to do or aren't ready to do. Recovery takes a great deal of commitment and effort. Sometimes, we do have to walk away and give people the dignity of living their lives. If their lifestyle conflicts with ours, we walk away....not because we don't care or don't love them.....but because it is what we need to do for our own psychological, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
gentle hugs
ke
Did the intervention work with our son? No. And to support Cynical One in her assessment, I was the weak link. Does that mean that I'm at "fault" because he didn't get clean and sober. No. But I certainly didn't help the situation.
Ultimately, we can't force anyone to do what they don't want to do or aren't ready to do. Recovery takes a great deal of commitment and effort. Sometimes, we do have to walk away and give people the dignity of living their lives. If their lifestyle conflicts with ours, we walk away....not because we don't care or don't love them.....but because it is what we need to do for our own psychological, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
gentle hugs
ke
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sometimes intervention works, sometimes rehabs work, sometimes AA, NA and other programs work, sometimes doing nothing works...and sometimes they do not.
The percentage of "not" is much higher than than "do" but there is always hope for any, and I think it depends on each individual, where they are in their addiction (are they even close to bottom?) and if they are agreeable to try.
If her family wants this, they can give it a try with no expectations and see what happens.
If they don't want it, there is no point.
Personally, if this was my friend and she had no inclination to stop, I'd walk away too...fast.
Just my thoughts on a sunny Friday morning.
Hugs
The percentage of "not" is much higher than than "do" but there is always hope for any, and I think it depends on each individual, where they are in their addiction (are they even close to bottom?) and if they are agreeable to try.
If her family wants this, they can give it a try with no expectations and see what happens.
If they don't want it, there is no point.
Personally, if this was my friend and she had no inclination to stop, I'd walk away too...fast.
Just my thoughts on a sunny Friday morning.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
I often hear....Don't hate the person, but hate
the disease. The persons we so care about or
love or one who is a parent is sick, we are hurt
by them, just like I was. For me, who is in recovery
had to divorce myself from them because my own
health, recovery and welfare is more important.
When one person is sick in a family, it is more
likely the entire family is affected. Like it is for
me, my family unit was sick, dysfunctional, and
I was affected as a child, got sick, went into recovery
to get healthy and sober.
My family unit never got healthy and so I had
to dettach from them to stay sober and healthy
for me.
And I am. Thank God.!!
the disease. The persons we so care about or
love or one who is a parent is sick, we are hurt
by them, just like I was. For me, who is in recovery
had to divorce myself from them because my own
health, recovery and welfare is more important.
When one person is sick in a family, it is more
likely the entire family is affected. Like it is for
me, my family unit was sick, dysfunctional, and
I was affected as a child, got sick, went into recovery
to get healthy and sober.
My family unit never got healthy and so I had
to dettach from them to stay sober and healthy
for me.
And I am. Thank God.!!
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