Feel like I'm dying.....

Old 07-03-2012, 09:19 PM
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So many people have said so many wise things, there is so much light surrounding you,tjp, so much light coming your way, from these angels.

I will just recommend a few small things for the anxiety:

Good Chamomile Tea, drink it all day long.

The best Lavender Lotion and Lavender Essential Oil you can find. Keep rubbing it on your neck and put the essential oil between your brows, throughout the day. (Aveda carries a lavender lotion specifically formulated for stress).

Stress B-Vitamins, the mega formula. Take the recommended dose and drink plenty of water with that.

Melatonin for nighttime sleep. Just a low dose, maybe half the recommended amount.

Hot baths with detoxifying bath salts, one bath a day, before bed is best.

Most important of all: deep breathing is by far the best to relieve anxiety. When you let out the long breath, release your son and daughter into God's care. Five deep breaths, in and out, several times through the day. Sit and breathe. Let them go to God.

And I find a hot water bottle wrapped in a soft towel and placed on my chest incredibly comforting.

Finally, I just want to gently remind you that we are at the mercy of our organic bodies, and most assuredly the most complex brain. Your children have medical illnesses of the brain, it involves the deepest parts of the brain, and, tjp, it is genetic going all the way back to your great great great grandparents. No parent in the world gives a child addictive disease nor a personality disorder.

I'm pretty sure you attend 12 step meetings. You need to sit there and allow the Holy Spirit in the room to comfort you. If you do not feel this in the meeting, there are others where you will.

God bless you, God make His face to shine upon you and your children, and bring you release from your heavy burdens and fears. May God's angels envelope you with their wings, and light heal you from within.
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Old 07-03-2012, 09:21 PM
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(((tjp)))

I'm sure many people despaired of me too - alcoholic, drug addict, depressive, unkempt, living in squalor...

None else was ever to blame - I just had emotional instabilities, addictive tendencies and a propensity for making bad choices...

but I 'came good' as they say here downunder...I believe God reached down and set me back on my feet again and cleared my head and my heart

I wish the same for you and your children

D
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Old 07-03-2012, 09:27 PM
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OH TJP - Your post broke my heart. I can feel your pain and sadness...but you are NOT alone. We all here to support you through these difficult times.

I pray you find it in you to start some art work again. You deserve some healing and some just YOU time.

Funny thing, I am envious your daughter is 18 and you can legally kick her out.....so no matter how much our situation seems bad, someone else can see the positives.
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Old 07-03-2012, 11:33 PM
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tjp613,
Your SR friends understand.The sun will rise tomorrow.The sun has
alot in common with Mom's.Both are warm,predictable,and rise to
vanquish the night every single morning.Peace be with you tonight,
and through all your dark nights.And if you ever think the night will
never end----remember the sun (and Mom's everywhere)
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Old 07-04-2012, 01:01 AM
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((((tjp)))), IMO we mourn our children because of the loss we feel of what could have been it is a painful process. I at times repeat that process over and over and have to snap myself back. I know how you feel and hope today is a better day for you.

I agree that maybe if you can focus on your son is clean and safe today, and try and stay in today so easy for us to say yet often so hard to do.

My DD and I both have BPD, when she was younger she was much like your DD and is still in some ways. I have been fortunate with my BPD my counseling helped there is hope never give that up.

I have learned that visuals help calm me at times I first learned this when I was diagnosed with panic disorder, took me awhile to be able to get it but I close my eyes and imagine myself on a big rock by the ocean and see the waves and seagulls and it helps me.

Hugs from one mother to another.
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Old 07-04-2012, 05:30 AM
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Thinking of you this morning.....today is a new day. I hope it is better than yesterday.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 07-04-2012, 05:50 AM
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Thinking of you...I hope where you are you awake to a better day...look for any gift in any moment and cherish it and may it bring you to the next gift and the next...

((hugs))
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Old 07-04-2012, 06:17 AM
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Take 60 seconds, sit,
hold your fingertips together lightly,
close your eyes,
breathe evenly and deeply,
and just
...let...the...feelings...flow.


Now, know we are all there, behind you, in support.

Take a few minutes and stretch out every part of your body -
your face,
your jaw,
your neck,
your shoulders,
your back,
your hips,
your legs,
your ankles,
your feet,
even your toes.
Close your eyes and feel your body, now.


Now, know we are all there, behind you, in support.

Stick your hand out
and take a wee bit of courage
from each of us,
and go forward today in faith,
that you can make it through today,
even if it doesn't feel good.
But just maybe today is a tiny bit better than yesterday.


Gentle hugs,

CLMI
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Old 07-04-2012, 06:54 AM
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Sending you Love and comfort this morning.

Your post has given healing to all of us.

You are a courageous and loving soul.

Thank you for shining your light down on us.

Katie xo
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Old 07-04-2012, 07:09 AM
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tjp,

I wanted to join the many others in offering my love and support as you are struggling. One of my favorite (though not often mentioned) slogans is "Fake it til you make it" which has been helpful to me at many times in my life.

I come from a large family (7 siblings) and as I've struggled through times, with my divorce, financial woes, son's addiction, etc. and have spent time with family, there are times where I would have rather stayed in bed, depressed, with the covers pulled over my head. But I used "Fake it til you make it" to get outta bed and go to the family gatherings (birthdays, holidays, whatever) and put a pasted smile on and tried to make the most of it. Sometimes I'd be smiling and nodding, but my mind would be worrying about why my son couldn't be there, or why I couldn't contribute a dish because I didn't have the money for groceries, etc. BUT, sometimes I'd forget for just a few minutes about my worries and enjoy the company of my family.

I don't know if that helps, but it has been helpful for me to TRY to keep up as much "normal" activity for me so that I don't slide into too much of a depressive state. Also, Alanon, Naranon and attending church services help to get me out of myself too.

Much love to you tjp,
Joan
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Old 07-04-2012, 07:25 AM
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Tjp, my heart and love is with you. I remember the feelings you describe so vividly. I tried to keep myself together with others but the moment I was alone, I drowned in sadness and cried and cried and cried.

What helped me immensely was to realise that my children are on their own paths. They have lessons they need to learn and I cannot and shouldn't interfere anymore. I cannot make them walk the path I believe they should. God knows I tried for many years and was unsuccessful every single day.

There is an excellent 11-part series on addiction on YouTube. The first one can be found here: The Truth Behind Addiction 1/11 - Byron Katie - YouTube It is by a woman named Byron Katie who gives a very different but helpful perspective on addiction. Maybe it will help somewhat.

You are not a bad mother. You did the very best you knew how. You CAN give yourself permission to be happy even when your children are not. You owe it to yourself.
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Old 07-04-2012, 07:43 AM
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TJP, your story is filled with countless demonstrations of your love and dedication to your children. It is clear that you take every possible action and do everything humanly possible to help them find happiness and success. You are not just a good mother; you are a GREAT mother. Your daughter has a mental illness that has been medically diagnosed. You did not create that situation and you have gone to great lengths to help your daughter find happiness and stability in spite of it. It is not your fault that she has been unable to do so; clearly you have done everything in your power, and have called in the professionals to treat her as well. You are not a failure because she has not been able to overcome the effects of this illness. How could you be? You have no control over this, and to expect that you do is to expect that you have superhuman / god-like abilities. You are a person. Don't beat yourself up over something that you can't possibly control.

The same thought process applies to your son. He too suffers from a mental illness. Nothing that you did "caused" this, either. Addiction professionals and researchers cannot say for sure what causes some people to become addicts. There are all sorts of theories. Most accept that genetics play a role, and clearly you do not have the power to alter your son's genetic make-up. Certainly emotional trauma and other challenging life experiences can play a role and the addict may use drugs to escape. But not always. There are plenty of addicts who agree that their lives were great, fine, perfect before they started their drug use - they just loved the high and ended up in addiction. You did not fail in raising your son; it is not YOUR FAULT that he ended up an addict. So many factors play into it, including peers and experiences over which you had no control, as well as genetics. You are not drawing the line of responsibility correctly in your mind - you are taking on TOO much responsibility, blaming yourself for things that you could not possibly have controlled.

As for your sadness over your children's situations - of course you're sad. Any wonderful, loving, devoted mother would be. Prayer is helpful to me when I feel that way. God has plans for your life, and for the lives of your children. They have their own journeys and lessons to learn, just as you do. I know that you pray every day for God to protect them and bless them and help them to a place of happiness and stability. Beyond that, you have to release them to their journeys and trust that all is unfolding just as it should be.

One last thing - are you seeing a therapist to help you deal with the trauma that you are experiencing with your children? It might be helpful to do so.

So sorry that you are having to live with such pain. You and your children are in my prayers.
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Old 07-04-2012, 08:07 AM
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I am truly speechless....but I will try.

This community is an amazing gift from God. Each one of you is an angel in the most strict definition of that term. He is speaking to me directly through each of you and I believe that in my core. Thank you, God. Thank you.

Your words of encouragement have given me the strength to keep moving forward and finding JOY in my life. I WILL find it and I WILL move in it every day. Some days may be full of joy and others not so much, but I WILL live in gratitude for the beauty that is everywhere around me...because it is....everywhere.

Today I will put on some nice clothes, fix my makeup, go have a nice lunch in a good restaurant, and go to the museum. There are several amazing exhibits I have been wanting to see and today is the day. I will be alone, but that's OK. I like being alone.

Seeking Growth - Thank you for all the practical suggestions on the tea and vitamins, etc.... sounds like a wonderful remedy. We have a great funky little vitamin shop in the neighborhood so I'll go visit there tomorrow.

Off to the museum..... (((Hugs))) to each of you. May the blessings you have given me be returned a hundred fold.
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Old 07-04-2012, 08:07 AM
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TJP I am so sorry you are in such a bad place. we all have these "dark nights of the soul" and it sounds like a deep bottom of pain. remember that it is of upmost importance to practice self care. (follow the instructions of English!) in recovery we need to "put on our own oxygen mask first..." what good are we to anyone, especially ourselves and this one precious life, if we are drained of life.

we go through these ebbs and flows. I am praying for your family. I think the suggestions of the Buddhist mindfulness is a good focus as well. I just heard a woman speak who wrote Mindfulness and Buddhism, there are many books on Amazon because Buddhism and Recovery are so well matched...especially one key element: Detachment.

I hope you are feeling better today. Sometimes those waves of sorrow and anguish wash over us. having some tools of recovery, like the gorgeous people who make up this community of SR can help see us through. it is just like nature, we sometimes experience the line drive winds or the tsunami. but if we can anchor down a little and remember what we are in the midst of we can find others who help us navigate.

thank you for being vulnerable...the places you feel broken will eventually let in the light and joy because you are offering up your brokenness and asking for help...all part of recovery. blessings
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Old 07-04-2012, 08:16 AM
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Dear TJP,

I was so heartbroken reading your post. Wanted to add my thoughts and prayers for you and your children. You expressed your pain so poignantly, it just pierced my heart.

EnglishGarden suggested several wonderful, practical aids (the essential oils help me also). If you aren't familiar with them, I have used the Bach Flower Remedies, first introduced to me 30 years ago by my British aunt, a nurse and very wise woman. When I was anorexic/suicidal four years ago, just after we had my then 17-year-old son involuntarily committed to a psyche hospital, my husband, in desperation, bought Sweet Chestnut (the remedy suggested for "bringing optimism and peace of mind when anguish overwhelms you and you can find no way out." I eventually got out of the bed (no need to call the ambulance) got to a psychiatrist, was diagnosed and treated, and slowly came back to life and to my work in the newsroom as an editor and writer.

I know it might sound crazy or "New Agey" or silly, but I'm suggesting it because they've not only helped me, but the Bach remedies are now recommended by people as mainstream as nutrition and health expert Anne Louise Gittleman.. There are 38 or 39 different "remedies" for helping with everything from social anxiety to when you are feeling overly nostalgic (something I can fall into sometimes when I think about the years Before). They're sold at almost any good health food store, Whole Foods, and, of course, online (I have found less expensive on Amazon or Vitacost). The story of Dr. Edward Bach, British physician behind them, is interesting, as is reading about all of the remedies. If for nothing else, it's the kind of reading that can temporarily take your mind to a calmer, more peaceful place. And there's nothing silly about that.

Blessings and God's peace be with you.
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Old 07-04-2012, 08:57 AM
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I'm sorry - my mistake -- EnglishGarden thank you.
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Old 07-04-2012, 09:02 AM
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Too many angels to keep up with!
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Old 07-04-2012, 09:07 AM
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Originally Posted by PrayingMama View Post
I know it might sound crazy or "New Agey" or silly, but I'm suggesting it because they've not only helped me, but the Bach remedies are now recommended by people as mainstream as nutrition and health expert Anne Louise Gittleman.. There are 38 or 39 different "remedies" for helping with everything from social anxiety to when you are feeling overly nostalgic (something I can fall into sometimes when I think about the years Before). They're sold at almost any good health food store, Whole Foods, and, of course, online (I have found less expensive on Amazon or Vitacost). The story of Dr. Edward Bach, British physician behind them, is interesting, as is reading about all of the remedies. If for nothing else, it's the kind of reading that can temporarily take your mind to a calmer, more peaceful place. And there's nothing silly about that.

Blessings and God's peace be with you.
PrayingMama -- I'm a New Ager since 1984 (New Thought to be precise) so you definitely don't sound silly to me! I've read all about Bach Flower Remedies years ago but never tried them myself. Thats a good suggestion along with all of English Garden's. There's also a naturopath right down the street from my house. Maybe I should pay her a visit too.
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Old 07-04-2012, 09:17 AM
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Agree with what others have shared. My heart goes put to you. I understand your pain. Hope today will be better. Glad you have made plans to do something for you today. Sending you positive energy and good thoughts.
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Old 07-04-2012, 09:38 AM
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Didn't see your update when I first posted, so just wanted to say how happy I am to hear you are feeling a renewed today! Nice clothes, makeup, lunch, museum--sounds so good.

Naturopath sounds promising. I've been thinking about letting my nurse practitioner friend do her acupuncture treatment on me to help with my nicotine addiction...
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