FindingErica

So the phone rang last night at 2 am and I thought it was my step-mother calling to tell me my step-grandmother had passed away. Unfortunately it was my addict sister who has been addicted to meth for 20 years. Wants to come live with me and of course she wants to know why not. States that she would bring fun to my life. No all she brings with her is stress and misery. Of course I said "no way" and got off the phone. That isn't the problem. It is the way I feel during and after any contact with her. Similar to how I feel after any contact with AH.

Now this came hours after the kids called AH to say hi. Afterwards my son cried on my chest for 15 minutes. My middle daughter had him on FaceTime on my phone and strode right into my space, and it felt like she had walked him through my front door. I know he will want money soon. He asked me for $2400 a few days ago and claimed he has a new job starting on the 16th. I said NO! He will bleed me dry if I let him.

I have four siblings, two are bio and two are step. The step part doesn't matter, I'm so close with my step mom and sister they may as well be bio. But all four of them have gone through periods of drug addiction. I'm the only one who has never been an addict. My step sister had the least problem, and has been clean for over two decades. My youngest sister is the most active and least functioning. My brother is clean and has been working his recovery for the last 6 years, he gives me the best advice about putting up boundaries and the addict mindset. My step bro has settled for alcohol and is currently married to an active alcohol/ benzo addict who wreaks havoc on the family.

I would say more than 50% of AH's cousins have or had addiction problems, and I believe all his siblings at one time or another. He has a lot of cousins. 3/4 uncles struggle with addiction or are dead from it. AH's father was a violent addict who suicided when AH was 10. AH never got to know him. And don't get me started on how many Codie's are in my and AH's families. Or anger addicts, or mentally ill or mentally ill addicts with anger issues.

I didn't realize how much addiction has affected and hurt my life. I'm so tired of how disruptive and damaging it is. How it affects relationships, peace of mind, security. Im tired of feeling guilty, tread on, hurt and emotionally abused. A couple times i even feared for my physical safety, and there was a night my sister held me and my infant daughter hostage for hours with an ice pick. I'm tired of wasting resources to clean up messes dropped on my doorstep. I'm tired of my mom and dads health and financial wellbeing being affected by my sisters never ending demands and frightening situations. I'm tired of all of it. I guess the best description would be soul weary. I'm weary to my very soul and I need to find some peace and serenity. I especially just want my sister and AH out of my life for awhile. I want to be left alone to enjoy life without some addict trying to take a piece of it.

PrayingMama

Wow. Sounds as though you're on addict overload. No kidding you need a break from the crazy.

I hope it helps, even if just a little, to vent here.

But you do need a break before you break. I'm praying for that for you right now!

Peace and blessings.

LoveMeNow

I am sorry for your pain and exasperation Erica. In the flip side, you are so blessed to have loving supportive parents and kids. I hope you can hold on to that thought today.

FindingErica

Yes I am. And it used to be AH when he wasn't A, who helped me put up boundaries and protected me from my sisters abuse and gave me the straight deal on addict behavior. Because he had been one before I knew him. Now he is pulling all the same stunts.

I told my mother in law everything and she came with his step dad and they stayed the weekend to help me out and give emotional support and spend time with the kids. It was very nice. She said she knows what I am going through as she went through it with his dad and him when he was a teen. It was nice to find support in an unexpected place.

But I do need a break. Where are the normal people?

PrayingMama

LOL! How many times have I said or thought this!

If by normal you mean the healthy, sane, productive ones, well, they're out there. I've even got them in my life (as you do in yours, such as those supportive in-laws).

But if you mean people who have never been touched by grief or trouble...I haven't met any of those yet, at least not adults.

I hate to admit it, but sometimes life does feel like a long trip on the pain train. Thank goodness for fellow travelers with heart, wisdom, guts, and a great sense of humor. I know I wouldn't make it without them.

oooopps

Powerful phrase and attitude for any co-dependent person to take. If you take a stand and stick to it, it shows a lot of strength.

This made me laugh, thanks.

Learn2Live

Boy do I know what you mean. My Family of Origin has its fair share of continuous problems, too. Sometimes I get a little angry because your family is SUPPOSED TO be your primary source of support, isn't it? Because the world can be a terrible place, stressful, chaotic; and life can be hard; and wouldn't it be nice to have someone to lean on once in a while instead of a whole posse of people $ucking the life out of you?

Couple years back I had to completely cut off my addicted brother. It was hard but I did it and finally learned, for the first time in my life, what true peace and serenity felt like. I stopped taking his calls, stopped letting people talk to me about him or his family, cut off all ties with his wife and children (yes, the children, because I HAD TO, to save MYSELF). It became as though he had never lived. I completely disregarded the fact that he was my brother, my best friend since he was born. And guess what happened? Everybody else cut him off too (because we were a "pair" to the remainder of the family; previously, where there was me, there was him and where there was him, there was me). They followed my lead. And then what happened? He was forced to sink or swim ON HIS OWN. And boy did he sink. But eventually he had to reach out for help from only those who could help him.

Seren

I had to laugh a little at this because my stepson told his sister the same thing when he wanted her to let him move in with her and her husband. "I'll bring nothing but joy and fun into your life." *sigh*

She said no, too!

washbe2

You have so many addicts in your life, and I only have one - well, 3, but one very close - my AS. Like you, I'm so sick of the destruction these people have brought to all of our lives. Yes, let's imagine a national "Go Away Addict" day! Love them? Yes. Like them? No. Pray you have a calm and peaceful week.

PrayingMama

I love that! Can I throw in the mood disordered, the borderline personalities, the narcissists and the $%^& enablers?

Just askin'...

outtolunch

You alone are responsible for determining what behaviors are unacceptable to you and your children.

Maybe one of them is not engaging in conversations with your sister and husband. What good can possible come out of these calls?

Just because the phone rings, does not require you to answer it. If your step-grandma passes in the middle of the night, hearing about it at 2 or 8 AM is not going to change the situation.

FindingErica

Thanks everyone! Nothing good can come from any conversations, and I can't do anything for either my AH or my A sis. I've actually been reaching out to people more in the past few weeks then I have in a long time. A friend told me today that I had turned myself into a hermit in my house. Why do others see me so much clearer than I see myself. I deserve to live, and why not. Heck the addicts are living just as they want then unloading their baggage on me, dragging my life down. The kids and I are moving into our new home in one week. The first place I have ever had that is only in my name. I'm so proud.

PrayingMama

I am so proud for you! That is amazing, courageous, savvy, smart and cool!

So happy for you and the kids. Blessings to you in your new, well-earned, much-deserved space.

amaslow

At least you are not taking her in! good job on that.. the feelings after you talk to them hangs on a long time..Progress not perfection..

My family breeds addiction and co-dependancy!! At my age, I still long to be adopted into a functional family who does the right things... or just has some common sense! I also have fantasies abou running away from home.. Just picking up and leaving all the people who depend on me behind... Of course as they drop off to long term treatment and jail.. this list is not so long.. Just my elderly mom, who does need support. I could take her with me, but that would mean I would have to live with her!! The matriarch of Co-dependency....I dread the day when she can no longer live alone and it is getting close...She is a lovely sweet lady, but .... I will be up to my eyeballs in guilt and fearful thoughts.....doom and gloom!!

crazybabie

Erica, Big hugs I know how difficult it is having numerous addicts, I could have almost wrote your post.