More URGENT questions about our daughter
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Itsthepop-
I pray your daughter has a safe and successful detox (ROD) today. I am also praying you never have to come back to SR for the reasons that brought you here. Although, I hope you keep us updated. I can only hope your daughter understands the seriousness and possible consequences of her choices.
I remember when I thought my husband just had a "pill problem." After all, the DR was prescribing them. Maybe he only had a chemical dependency, I started to believe. I knew it was progressive but had NO comprehension of what that really meant. I also remember when I finally blurted out the words "you are a drug addict" and the look on his face. Even after, I chose to stay in denial. "Pill problem" was a much nicer name and allowed me to minimized the situation or so I thought. I only wish I had found SR 2-3 yrs ago for information and support. Even when I did come across SR, I really only joined to help ME "fix" him. I quickly learned that wasn't possible.
You don't have to answer me, but I am curious if there is any addiction or alcoholism in your or your husband's family. I just have my own thoughts and theories on the subject...and I believe addiction is hereditary or at the very least...there is a precursor.
Although, my husband was not abusing drugs or alcohol prior to this...he would now would tell you - he had addict behavior all his life. Nothing he did was in moderation, he was impulsive and wanted what he wanted with very little patience. (Not the same as being spoiled though_.
Just recently, I asked him if he knew where the Lysol was and he said "Yes, why? what do you need sprayed." I said - please just bring it to me...and he smiled and said with a smile "why because I am an addict?" I said - Yes!! He would not spray a few squirts in the garbage can, he would of used half the can...."more was always better" was his thinking. Again, nothing he did was ever in moderation. He is now just starting to understand his behavior - thanks to NA.
I have made every mistake possible. I scolded, I cried, I shamed him, I made empty threats and I was a huge enabler. I even made him leave our home. The man I loved and married was not the same person. He had changed so much. I was scared of what might happen to him during that time but I had come to realize I was powerless over his addiction and it would be what it would be. (still very hard). Somehow, by the Grace of God, just for today..he has chose to seek and embrace recovery and I pray your daughter does all well. Even then, there are no guarantees! Addiction is oh so cunning.
God Bless you, your family and your daughter!
I pray your daughter has a safe and successful detox (ROD) today. I am also praying you never have to come back to SR for the reasons that brought you here. Although, I hope you keep us updated. I can only hope your daughter understands the seriousness and possible consequences of her choices.
I remember when I thought my husband just had a "pill problem." After all, the DR was prescribing them. Maybe he only had a chemical dependency, I started to believe. I knew it was progressive but had NO comprehension of what that really meant. I also remember when I finally blurted out the words "you are a drug addict" and the look on his face. Even after, I chose to stay in denial. "Pill problem" was a much nicer name and allowed me to minimized the situation or so I thought. I only wish I had found SR 2-3 yrs ago for information and support. Even when I did come across SR, I really only joined to help ME "fix" him. I quickly learned that wasn't possible.
You don't have to answer me, but I am curious if there is any addiction or alcoholism in your or your husband's family. I just have my own thoughts and theories on the subject...and I believe addiction is hereditary or at the very least...there is a precursor.
Although, my husband was not abusing drugs or alcohol prior to this...he would now would tell you - he had addict behavior all his life. Nothing he did was in moderation, he was impulsive and wanted what he wanted with very little patience. (Not the same as being spoiled though_.
Just recently, I asked him if he knew where the Lysol was and he said "Yes, why? what do you need sprayed." I said - please just bring it to me...and he smiled and said with a smile "why because I am an addict?" I said - Yes!! He would not spray a few squirts in the garbage can, he would of used half the can...."more was always better" was his thinking. Again, nothing he did was ever in moderation. He is now just starting to understand his behavior - thanks to NA.
I have made every mistake possible. I scolded, I cried, I shamed him, I made empty threats and I was a huge enabler. I even made him leave our home. The man I loved and married was not the same person. He had changed so much. I was scared of what might happen to him during that time but I had come to realize I was powerless over his addiction and it would be what it would be. (still very hard). Somehow, by the Grace of God, just for today..he has chose to seek and embrace recovery and I pray your daughter does all well. Even then, there are no guarantees! Addiction is oh so cunning.
God Bless you, your family and your daughter!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 324
Originally Posted by itsthepop 
I feel that we have learned a lot in the last week, and I know that we all feel more comfortable about the decisions we have made so far.
I appreciate all of your advice. I will update you after the procedure. Im nervous toinight, but feel a relief because we are actually doing something starting tomorrow.
I appreciate all of your advice. I will update you after the procedure. Im nervous toinight, but feel a relief because we are actually doing something starting tomorrow.
You've done a good job gathering information from multiple sources and have made a decision you can live with. That's all we can do sometimes.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
A definition from Dr. Drew:
"Addiction is a biological disorder with a genetic component whereby the motivational priorities of the mind become permanently altered."
"People who abuse substances--as opposed to people who are addicted--can be influenced by persuasion and reason to stop abusing the substance....[but] the potential for harm has no influence once someone becomes addicted. An addict will no longer respond to reason or persuasion."
In your very first post, you wrote that your daughter said that she is an addict.
If she is, SR will be here to help. You will know more, as you say, with time. Wishing you the right answers and the right solutions.
"Addiction is a biological disorder with a genetic component whereby the motivational priorities of the mind become permanently altered."
"People who abuse substances--as opposed to people who are addicted--can be influenced by persuasion and reason to stop abusing the substance....[but] the potential for harm has no influence once someone becomes addicted. An addict will no longer respond to reason or persuasion."
In your very first post, you wrote that your daughter said that she is an addict.
If she is, SR will be here to help. You will know more, as you say, with time. Wishing you the right answers and the right solutions.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
Naltrexone is also used for alcoholics as an anti-craving medication. As someone said, it will do nothing if she abuses other substances as well. It sounds as if this "friend" of hers has a lot of influence on her. I've known a few heroin addicts who went "cold turkey"and it never stopped them from using again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: MI
Posts: 452
Just wanted to say ... I hope the procedure went well today. I think it makes sense that you didn't take a hard line with your daughter and try to strong arm her into a particular type of recovery program. An addict has to want recovery and has to make her own decisions about her recovery if she is to be successful; everyone on this board knows that you cannot impose recovery on an addict, whether through threats, bribes, demands, guilt, or love. The addict has to be in charge. Now having said that, you DO have control over the purse strings and have chosen to agree to a very expensive approach.
I think that you should accept a couple of things. First, the approach your daughter is taking -- ROD, two weeks in rehab, and then seeing a therapist -- is very possibly not going to be enough to prevent a relapse. In my personal experience, that of a couple of colleagues of mine with opiate addicted children, and pretty much everyone on this board, it is not enough, especially given that it is the first time through. So prepare yourselves for the possibility, even the likelihood, of a relapse.
If she does in fact relapse, then you will know that your daughter is NOT special, after all, and that she will need a more intense program and will need to accept that opiate addiction is a much more powerful foe than she realized. And that's OK, but again, you and your husband have to be mentally and emotionally prepared for this possibility.
Also, her counselors in rehab may well encourage her to attend a 12-step program like NA after she finishes. Most rehab programs do this, asking the addict to commit to 90 meetings in 90 days. This is because the 12-step support group approach is effective. From what I've read, individual therapy is generally not particularly effective in helping an addict stay in recovery, and it certainly did not work with my son. So while she (and you and your husband) are not considering NA now, that may change through her time in rehab, and I hope it does. She may even go to NA AND see a weekly therapist.
On the Suboxone question -- I'm not a big fan of long term use. I think it should be used to ease withdrawal pain through detox, but that's pretty much it. Your daughter won't need that since she won't experience withdrawal pain due to the ROD. Suboxone is a partial opiate and is addictive - there are plenty of people who just can't get off it. And when they DO try to get off it, they experience some withdrawal discomfort, even if theyve tapered the dose to a really low level. You are essentially substituting one addiction for another. I think that if someone is really serious about recovery, they can make it happen without Suboxone. My son was prescribed Subs in his first rehab effort (outpatient), and after a short time, started abusing it, and then skipping days so that he could use his DOC (heroin) on those days.
I think that you should accept a couple of things. First, the approach your daughter is taking -- ROD, two weeks in rehab, and then seeing a therapist -- is very possibly not going to be enough to prevent a relapse. In my personal experience, that of a couple of colleagues of mine with opiate addicted children, and pretty much everyone on this board, it is not enough, especially given that it is the first time through. So prepare yourselves for the possibility, even the likelihood, of a relapse.
If she does in fact relapse, then you will know that your daughter is NOT special, after all, and that she will need a more intense program and will need to accept that opiate addiction is a much more powerful foe than she realized. And that's OK, but again, you and your husband have to be mentally and emotionally prepared for this possibility.
Also, her counselors in rehab may well encourage her to attend a 12-step program like NA after she finishes. Most rehab programs do this, asking the addict to commit to 90 meetings in 90 days. This is because the 12-step support group approach is effective. From what I've read, individual therapy is generally not particularly effective in helping an addict stay in recovery, and it certainly did not work with my son. So while she (and you and your husband) are not considering NA now, that may change through her time in rehab, and I hope it does. She may even go to NA AND see a weekly therapist.
On the Suboxone question -- I'm not a big fan of long term use. I think it should be used to ease withdrawal pain through detox, but that's pretty much it. Your daughter won't need that since she won't experience withdrawal pain due to the ROD. Suboxone is a partial opiate and is addictive - there are plenty of people who just can't get off it. And when they DO try to get off it, they experience some withdrawal discomfort, even if theyve tapered the dose to a really low level. You are essentially substituting one addiction for another. I think that if someone is really serious about recovery, they can make it happen without Suboxone. My son was prescribed Subs in his first rehab effort (outpatient), and after a short time, started abusing it, and then skipping days so that he could use his DOC (heroin) on those days.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
I too hope everything goes well today with the rapid detox, my son never did that type of procedure but he did take suboxone for a while, where we live they dont give it in pill form they are taken as strips placed on the tongue, for him at least that didnt go so well, and what i realized is that alot of users will take subs when they cant get there hands on there DOC, i do think subs for some people will help for a while , but only if they really want the help.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 89
I hope the procedure goes well.
There isn't anything that I can say to make this easier for you. You are obviously researching all your options and helping your daughter in her recovery. This journey is unique to all of us. Some things have worked, some haven't. Listen to what people have to say and then trust your own judgement. You, and only you, know your daughter.
I personally went with the "I love you approach and am here to help". In the end, things for my daughter worked out well. She knew I was there for her. You are a tremendous, caring, loving parent. I am certain that your daughter knows that.
I wish you the best!
There isn't anything that I can say to make this easier for you. You are obviously researching all your options and helping your daughter in her recovery. This journey is unique to all of us. Some things have worked, some haven't. Listen to what people have to say and then trust your own judgement. You, and only you, know your daughter.
I personally went with the "I love you approach and am here to help". In the end, things for my daughter worked out well. She knew I was there for her. You are a tremendous, caring, loving parent. I am certain that your daughter knows that.
I wish you the best!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 46
Thank you everyone for remembering our family and for your prayers. The ROD went fine, and our daughter was able to come home today. It was a long week running back and forth between my daughter in the hospital, and trying to keep my sons life as normal as possible. My husband was off work all week, or I don’t think we would have made it.
Daughter doesn’t remember any of the detox, no pain, says she feels wonderful, and she seems alert, engaged, relieved and oh so happy.
Staying in the hospital was in itself an experience for her, but she did well at it, and was almost never alone. I know, I know, what your all thinking.
I feel like we have done the right thing in keeping things as simple, and as easy on our daughter as possible. Hopefully this will be enough, if not I realize we will have to change our methods. I am grateful to my husband for helping me stay focused on our situation at present and not bypassing the gentlest methods. I know, I know.
My daughter has now decided that she does not want to go to the two-week rehab/retreat, and she thinks all she needs is the twice a week therapy sessions. My husband still would like her to go, and to be honest I just don’t know whats best anymore, so Im leaving it up to her to decide. Her decision is that she wants to stay home and enjoy her summer with her friends and she has lots of things lined up to keep her busy, things she loves and that she says will help her feel like her old self. She has already joined the summer tennis league, wants to join one of her friends volunteering at our local animal shelter, and a few other things that are basically fun. Who knows maybe that will help her, along with the therapy of course.
Very tired tonight, anxious because now she is home, and I don’t know what to feel exactly. Relieved mostly. But scared too –
Daughter doesn’t remember any of the detox, no pain, says she feels wonderful, and she seems alert, engaged, relieved and oh so happy.
Staying in the hospital was in itself an experience for her, but she did well at it, and was almost never alone. I know, I know, what your all thinking.
I feel like we have done the right thing in keeping things as simple, and as easy on our daughter as possible. Hopefully this will be enough, if not I realize we will have to change our methods. I am grateful to my husband for helping me stay focused on our situation at present and not bypassing the gentlest methods. I know, I know.
My daughter has now decided that she does not want to go to the two-week rehab/retreat, and she thinks all she needs is the twice a week therapy sessions. My husband still would like her to go, and to be honest I just don’t know whats best anymore, so Im leaving it up to her to decide. Her decision is that she wants to stay home and enjoy her summer with her friends and she has lots of things lined up to keep her busy, things she loves and that she says will help her feel like her old self. She has already joined the summer tennis league, wants to join one of her friends volunteering at our local animal shelter, and a few other things that are basically fun. Who knows maybe that will help her, along with the therapy of course.
Very tired tonight, anxious because now she is home, and I don’t know what to feel exactly. Relieved mostly. But scared too –
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
She doesn't want to go to the two week rehab isn't a good sign. Your daughters narcotic addiction is a very deep & complex problem. The detox process is easy compared to the life long struggle as to why she got addicted in the first place. Having grown up in a good family, top notch schools, money ect... means nothing when it comes to addiction.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
It sounds to me like she wants to pretend the drug use never happened. She went through a detox that she doesn't remember, and wants to slip back into her old life without missing a beat.
Maybe it will work, but the odds are not in her favor. That said, forcing her into a two week rehab probably would just be a waste of money if she doesn't want to be there and is not willing to embrace after care.
This would be a good time to focus on you - if she does relapse, you'll be better prepared to deal with it, and if she doesn't, you will have learned skills that will enrich your life. SO, attend a meeting, read some literature, stay active here on the forum, move forward with your life.
Maybe it will work, but the odds are not in her favor. That said, forcing her into a two week rehab probably would just be a waste of money if she doesn't want to be there and is not willing to embrace after care.
This would be a good time to focus on you - if she does relapse, you'll be better prepared to deal with it, and if she doesn't, you will have learned skills that will enrich your life. SO, attend a meeting, read some literature, stay active here on the forum, move forward with your life.
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