Kindeyes

Haha......I thought that title might catch your attention......so now I'm going to do the bait & switch.

There are some strange side benefits to going to a 12 step program. A lot of people have problems with Al-Anon or Nar-Anon and I understand that it's not for everyone. I'm not entirely sure what some people expect from those meetings......and if they don't immediately get from it what they "pre-conceived" they would......they proclaim that " it's not for me".

So.....I thought I would start a thread that talks about getting something out of going to meetings that we didn't expect to get.

I didn't know what I expected to get out of going to Nar-Anon or Al-Anon when I first started going. I think I was looking for the magic potion or secret handshake that would "cure" the A in my life. But I got something I didn't expect.

I have always had the notion that "I don't like women". I grew up with three brothers (no sisters) so I figured that that must have been the reason that "I don't like women". It was something that happened to me due to my family of origin. I had a list of reasons WHY "I don't like women". It was a deeply ingrained belief......and I hate to say it.....there were a lot of women who reinforced that belief.

And then I discovered........I was one of them.

Going to meetings helped me to look at myself.......closely........and see some things that I REALLY didn't like about "me"......and oh by the way......I'm a woman.

But what I really got out of it was that I was a much more powerful woman than gave myself credit for. Not in an ego kind of way but in a "I can change ME kind of way". And I started working on it. And I watched the women around me working on it too. And I started to like them. (Perhaps more importantly, I started to like "me" more too.)

The women I have met and grown to LOVE in my meetings are now my very dear friends. This didn't happen over night. And because "I didn't like women", I was pretty resistent to the idea. These women are down-to-earth. Dealing with life on life's terms. Supporting and understand one another. Holding each other up when they can't stand on their own. And openly saying "I need help" when they feel their own knees buckling. Learning to love each other for who they are--warts and all. And not pretending that there are no warts. Openly discussing their weaknesses and demonstrating their strength every single day.

I am blessed to have several women in my life now whom I love deeply.

That was an unexpected little bonus I got from a 12 step program.

gentle hugs
ke

Ann

I didn't expect to find a room full of people who totally understood me and the pathetic life I had been living...and they loved me anyway. It was such a relief to finally find a place where I was understood and where I fit in, that I did nothing but cry for the first three meetings. I had stuffed my emotions for so long it felt good to get it out...and they handed me tissues and gave me hugs and didn't "make" me say or do anything.

I didn't expect to see people happy and at peace with life, even though their lives were worse than mine. They had "something" that I wanted and I decided to stick around and find out what it was and how to get it. Turned out it was spirituality and 12 steps that were life changing. Sign me up!!!!

I got to know that stranger called "me", and I began to understand how broken she was. I also found hope, because those who went before me had once been broken too.

When I say that meetings literally saved my life, I mean it. It gave me my life back and tools to build it into a wonderful life of joy and love and peace and adventure. Today I am healthier and feel better than I did 20 years ago, and I have my meetings and all of you here to thank for that.

Hugs

newnormal4me

I have thought that meetings were not for me. I didn't connect well with either group I attended although one was better than others. I felt I got more when I tried Celebrate Recovery. But still it is similar concept (12 steps).

Lately my life has led me to a couple other things not related to "meetings" or this issue in my life, that have been speaking to me. Most interesting is that it is a similar message. So at the core I do think meetings are for me. Just time gets in the way for me most.

Bottom line is we can only control and manage ourselves...not others! Seems so simple but very profound to learn. And so hard to believe how many people are unwittingly locked into that way of thinking (thinking we have control of others).

Windmills

I didn't expect to find people who genuinely CARE. The kind of people who are going through their own hell and find the time to think of me and call just to say 'how are you? how's Daisy?'
I never thought there were people out there who care aboyt others, who empathise and GET IT. I thought I was a freak for caring like that, as it turns out it was the people I was around. I think finding the meetings and the amazing women in there has restored some of my faith in people. It's taught me that there are good, kind, genuine people out there and it's ok to trust people. I've also learned that it's ok to talk about me, I spent years stuffing my own feelings down and listening to everyone else, but through the meetings and the amazing people I have met, I've learned there are people out there who actually WANT to hear about me and what's more, they listen and they care and they don't judge me.

washbe2

My first meeting was 20 years ago. I ran away when I got to the door. The next visit and for a couple of months or more after, I only sat and listened and often cried. No one tried to force me to talk and no one asked me questions. I was shocked when in the newcomers session, all of them had the same problems - just a different address. I went with one thing in mind: how to fix my son.

I could hear people in the room next door (the folks who were not new-comers) laughing and talking and found this to be rather strange. After all, we were there about our addicted loved ones. How could they act so?? When the two groups merged, I was silent again for a very long time.

The outcome -- a small group of people I came to love so dearly who had not fixed their addicts. We went for coffee together after meetings, hugged, laughed and they all came to my wedding when I married my honey 17 years ago.

The people I feared were among my best friends. I learned so much from them and had a place where these precious people had an understanding. (even led the meeting myself a time or two) My marriage also brought a move. I've been to a few groups locally and truly haven't given them a fair chance.

So I'm reminding myself and the newbies, find a meeting that fits you. You'll be glad you did.