new NEE.D ADVICE for Daughter
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by itsthepop 
We are thinking about counseling sessions for follow up, and she has agreed. We talked about rehab but it looks like the good ones are not local and she doesn’t want to leave home for it.
Don't you just hate it when recovery interferes with your plans for the Summer.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 324
Originally Posted by itsthepop
Im not convinced at all about the association with other addicts. My husband is also against that. Seems like a house of cards where if one falls, they could all fall very easily and protect each other. I think associating with people who have no history of drugs makes much more sense.
Please keep reading with an open mind.
Once it sinks in, your husband will become a roadblock until he gets it as well...I was that guy.
You need an educated united front.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Its not what I want, but I have wondered internally if it would be better for her. Might help be a deterrent for the future.
:ghug3 from another mom.
Beth
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by BeavsDad
None of this should be your choice. If she actually gets to the recovery point, she will learn what she needs to do.
Please keep reading with an open mind.
Once it sinks in, your husband will become a roadblock until he gets it as well...I was that guy.
You need an educated united front.
Please keep reading with an open mind.
Once it sinks in, your husband will become a roadblock until he gets it as well...I was that guy.
You need an educated united front.
Does anyone know of a good rehab in NY area? I have found several and called to talk to them, looked at websites. Some are not very helpful on the phone and it gives me a bad impression of them.
I think she would agree to a rehab if we pushed for it either here or out of state. In fact, she has come up with a couple that she said she would be interested in, but they are terribly expensive. I called one of them and I cannot imagine insurance will even half of what they charge per day.
Maybe if that is what she thinks will help her though it would motivate her.
Im trying to keep an open mind and I do appreciate everyones opinions and insight. Please tell me from your experiences if you think we are on the wrong track. What worked for your kids, or didnt work.
I know she does need to take responsibility for this, but she is on our insurance, and she knows nothing about treatments except from her friends.
And yes she has my husband around her little finger. One sad look, or a tear and he says yes to whatever she wants. But I also dont have it in me to be hard on her.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by itsthepop
My daughter has her heart set on this type of detox.
Maybe she can find a job and finish school locally to reduce the financial bite of her lousy life changing choices. Where's the effort on her part to change?
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Originally Posted by itsthepop
From your experiences then you are saying that it might be better for her to go to a rehab for 30- 45 days after she does the detox instead of staying home and doing counseling or outpatient?
Does anyone know of a good rehab in NY area? I have found several and called to talk to them, looked at websites. Some are not very helpful on the phone and it gives me a bad impression of them.
I think she would agree to a rehab if we pushed for it either here or out of state. In fact, she has come up with a couple that she said she would be interested in, but they are terribly expensive. I called one of them and I cannot imagine insurance will even half of what they charge per day.
Maybe if that is what she thinks will help her though it would motivate her.
Im trying to keep an open mind and I do appreciate everyones opinions and insight. Please tell me from your experiences if you think we are on the wrong track. What worked for your kids, or didnt work.
I know she does need to take responsibility for this, but she is on our insurance, and she knows nothing about treatments except from her friends.
And yes she has my husband around her little finger. One sad look, or a tear and he says yes to whatever she wants. But I also dont have it in me to be hard on her.
Does anyone know of a good rehab in NY area? I have found several and called to talk to them, looked at websites. Some are not very helpful on the phone and it gives me a bad impression of them.
I think she would agree to a rehab if we pushed for it either here or out of state. In fact, she has come up with a couple that she said she would be interested in, but they are terribly expensive. I called one of them and I cannot imagine insurance will even half of what they charge per day.
Maybe if that is what she thinks will help her though it would motivate her.
Im trying to keep an open mind and I do appreciate everyones opinions and insight. Please tell me from your experiences if you think we are on the wrong track. What worked for your kids, or didnt work.
I know she does need to take responsibility for this, but she is on our insurance, and she knows nothing about treatments except from her friends.
And yes she has my husband around her little finger. One sad look, or a tear and he says yes to whatever she wants. But I also dont have it in me to be hard on her.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by outtolunch
How does she expect to pay for it?
Maybe she can find a job and finish school locally to reduce the financial bite of her lousy life changing choices. Where's the effort on her part to change?
Maybe she can find a job and finish school locally to reduce the financial bite of her lousy life changing choices. Where's the effort on her part to change?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by itsthepop
But I also dont have it in me to be hard on her.
Back when, my daughter did not have insurance . I put her into three different very expensive back to back rehabs in three different states. I nearly bankrupted myself financially, emotionally and physically trying to fix her and compel her to just snap out of it. She relapsed within hours of returning home. This is not uncommon.
She eventually got clean on her own, living on her own, in her own timeframe. That everyone she knew into opiates was either in prison or dead may have had something to do with her decision to change. The point here is that recovery is 100% an inside job.
Getting the drugs out of the system is nothing compared to what it's going to take for her to stay clean, forever.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Something to consider regarding association with recovering addicts: rehabs are populated by addicts; Hazelden, one of the country's most respected facilities has as one of its VPs William C. Moyers (son of Bill Moyers), a powerful voice and author of Broken, his story of addiction. It may be an inconvenient truth, but one does not enter recovery--or rehab--by avoiding addicts.
All of the parents here have been where you are--that is a crucial fact to remember. Addiction and all of its attendant ugliness does not respect your intellect, your education, your professional credentials, your social status or your financial assets. It is an equal opportunity destroyer. The most brilliant, gifted and promising fall prey to addiction, as well as the unstable, disabled and disadvantaged. There is a wealth of information available, and many books that can help shed some light on what you are dealing with: Beautiful Boy by David Sheff (and his son's books, Tweak and We All Fall Down; Stay Close by Libby Cataldi; Moyers' book mentioned above.
If you believe education is a valuable tool, you can take advantage of the experiences of others. You will realize you are not alone or, as others have mentioned, unique. You can also arm yourself with tools to help and protect yourself, your husband, your marriage, and any other children you may have in your home. Your daughter will not be harmed by your gaining wisdom and insight and courage. Quite the opposite.
All of the parents here have been where you are--that is a crucial fact to remember. Addiction and all of its attendant ugliness does not respect your intellect, your education, your professional credentials, your social status or your financial assets. It is an equal opportunity destroyer. The most brilliant, gifted and promising fall prey to addiction, as well as the unstable, disabled and disadvantaged. There is a wealth of information available, and many books that can help shed some light on what you are dealing with: Beautiful Boy by David Sheff (and his son's books, Tweak and We All Fall Down; Stay Close by Libby Cataldi; Moyers' book mentioned above.
If you believe education is a valuable tool, you can take advantage of the experiences of others. You will realize you are not alone or, as others have mentioned, unique. You can also arm yourself with tools to help and protect yourself, your husband, your marriage, and any other children you may have in your home. Your daughter will not be harmed by your gaining wisdom and insight and courage. Quite the opposite.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 324
You really need to see how willing she is to kick it.
Try telling her that you have decided that she will detox the normal way in the local hospital and that you are willing to pay for an outatient program.
Her reaction will speak volumes.
How is she maintaining her high now?
Did she bring a big ol bag of illegal drugs into your home?
Try telling her that you have decided that she will detox the normal way in the local hospital and that you are willing to pay for an outatient program.
Her reaction will speak volumes.
How is she maintaining her high now?
Did she bring a big ol bag of illegal drugs into your home?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
My daughter did rapid detox the first time. Please note that I said 'first time'.
It's detox only and she'll need to, at the very least, see an addictionologist immediately, because her brain chemicals will be completely whacked out.
That kind of detox, in my opinion, is only good for a highly motivated individual who has done all the medical, behavioral, and spiritual work necessary for sobriety, and/or is committed to it.
It's detox only and she'll need to, at the very least, see an addictionologist immediately, because her brain chemicals will be completely whacked out.
That kind of detox, in my opinion, is only good for a highly motivated individual who has done all the medical, behavioral, and spiritual work necessary for sobriety, and/or is committed to it.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by itsthepop
oh you have me laughing. She cant pay for any of it. No she only has one more year or two semesters and we dont want her to drop out of college that would not help her future. We dont want to punish her for this lousy life choice. She is young, kids make mistakes.
She goes back to school in August and then what? What's really changed? What harm could a few pills do? Or maybe it's alcohol and pot, the gateway back into addiction. She knows that mom and dad will resue her.
This is not about punishing her. It's all about giving her the dignity of facing the consequences of her lousy choices. Without consequences, there can be no recovery.
Getting a job to pay you back while finishing school locally is one way she can become a stakeholder into her own recovery and maturation.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Dear itsthepop -
Please keep reading this site. I was once very naive and in complete denial. I have learned so much here although I resisted and resisted - I soon found out how deep my denial ran.
Quitting drugs (any drugs) is a very difficult thing to do. The person has to want to and she has to be determined to work a recovery program. If not, there is nothing you can do it about it. Addiction is a progressive disease!!
My guess is she was snorting the pills. This is NOT about her summer vacation, this is about her LIFE. Please keep reading!
I am so sorry that addiction has entered into your life as well. However, NA is a great program for an addict who wants recovery. If they don't, like anything else - no matter how much money you spend - it will be a waste of time.
Please keep reading this site. I was once very naive and in complete denial. I have learned so much here although I resisted and resisted - I soon found out how deep my denial ran.
Quitting drugs (any drugs) is a very difficult thing to do. The person has to want to and she has to be determined to work a recovery program. If not, there is nothing you can do it about it. Addiction is a progressive disease!!
My guess is she was snorting the pills. This is NOT about her summer vacation, this is about her LIFE. Please keep reading!
I am so sorry that addiction has entered into your life as well. However, NA is a great program for an addict who wants recovery. If they don't, like anything else - no matter how much money you spend - it will be a waste of time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by BeavsDad
You really need to see how willing she is to kick it.
Try telling her that you have decided that she will detox the normal way in the local hospital and that you are willing to pay for an outatient program.
Her reaction will speak volumes.
How is she maintaining her high now?
Did she bring a big ol bag of illegal drugs into your home?
Try telling her that you have decided that she will detox the normal way in the local hospital and that you are willing to pay for an outatient program.
Her reaction will speak volumes.
How is she maintaining her high now?
Did she bring a big ol bag of illegal drugs into your home?
Yes she has drugs in our home and she is shooting up but she said she is trying to cut it back. I cant watch her do it. thought of it makes me sick .
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by outtolunch
She is going about her life, acquiring pills locally and will just slip into a ROD and magically put this behind her.
She goes back to school in August and then what? What's really changed? What harm could a few pills do? Or maybe it's alcohol and pot, the gateway back into addiction. She knows that mom and dad will resue her.
This is not about punishing her. It's all about giving her the dignity of facing the consequences of her lousy choices. Without consequences, there can be no recovery.
Getting a job to pay you back while finishing school locally is one way she can become a stakeholder into her own recovery and maturation.
She goes back to school in August and then what? What's really changed? What harm could a few pills do? Or maybe it's alcohol and pot, the gateway back into addiction. She knows that mom and dad will resue her.
This is not about punishing her. It's all about giving her the dignity of facing the consequences of her lousy choices. Without consequences, there can be no recovery.
Getting a job to pay you back while finishing school locally is one way she can become a stakeholder into her own recovery and maturation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
If your daughter is an IV drug user, has she been tested for HIV, Hep C and basic liver enzyme levels, as well as TB? Shooting also exponentially increases the risk of overdose. IV users can also become addicted to the needle (not just the high).
I'm not quite sure what to say about allowing your adult daughter to shoot up illegal drugs in your home. Do you know anything about dealing with possible overdose? And if you're sure that couldn't possibly happen, remember that you probably never imagined that your daughter would be an IV drug user.
I'm not quite sure what to say about allowing your adult daughter to shoot up illegal drugs in your home. Do you know anything about dealing with possible overdose? And if you're sure that couldn't possibly happen, remember that you probably never imagined that your daughter would be an IV drug user.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 324
Originally Posted by itsthepop
She has already shed a pile of tears...she has drugs in our home and she is shooting up but she said...quack, quack, quack. I cant watch her do it. thought of it makes me sick .
If her party is supposed to be ending Monday morning, be very afraid of Sunday night. Can't just throw all those drugs away...
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I know nothing about drugs or overdose. But she has been doing this for a while, so Im hoping that she does. She says she has cut the dose back. She said she only has a little left and it will get her through. I don’t think she has a drug connection here at home. And she hasn’t left the house like I said. Im playing warden remember. Its not a good situation that is why we are getting her help as fast as we can. She would be in detox already but my husband did not want me to be alone while she goes under sedation and had this done to her. She will be in the hospital for several days after this . They have given us lots of options for aftercare but we have to choose which way to go.
What other choice do I have but to let her stay here and do this? I cant put her out. She has no where to go. Her boyfriend would take her in but that is not fair to him and my husband would not allow her to leave our home. He is tearing himself up over this, and he had a business trip set up for weeks starting tomorrow and he has to go now. He is making himself sick with worry. Our son is only 13 and we are trying to keep him unaware of what is happening. He has been busy with friends and thinks his sister is only being moody.
Yes when she went to the family doctor he ran all kinds of test on her. They are not all back yet but so far it is fine. She is anemic though. Like I said in a way I want her to suffer withdrawal and see what she has done to her body but how in the world can I do that as a mother? And how could I convince my husband even if I thought it was right. He wants to protect her and fix this.
Ground zero.
thank you all for your honest advice
What other choice do I have but to let her stay here and do this? I cant put her out. She has no where to go. Her boyfriend would take her in but that is not fair to him and my husband would not allow her to leave our home. He is tearing himself up over this, and he had a business trip set up for weeks starting tomorrow and he has to go now. He is making himself sick with worry. Our son is only 13 and we are trying to keep him unaware of what is happening. He has been busy with friends and thinks his sister is only being moody.
Yes when she went to the family doctor he ran all kinds of test on her. They are not all back yet but so far it is fine. She is anemic though. Like I said in a way I want her to suffer withdrawal and see what she has done to her body but how in the world can I do that as a mother? And how could I convince my husband even if I thought it was right. He wants to protect her and fix this.
Ground zero.
thank you all for your honest advice
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 324
You are in an terrible position and you have my empathy.
I hope it all works out.
What does "for a while" mean?
No prior drug issues until this last semester?
I hope it all works out.
Originally Posted by itsthepop
she has been doing this for a while
No prior drug issues until this last semester?
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