confused, and unsure ... help?
 

Hello, I am new to the site, hopefully I do this right. I am not an addict, and never have been. I do have family members that have been, so I have very much compassion and a kind heart to those struggling.
I am here asking for guidance from those of you with experience.
I think my husband is abusing prescription pills. I keep asking myself, when I become weary, what if I am wrong? My gut tells me he is. Maybe it's not a lot? Maybe it is? How do I know for sure? All I can do is research and use the knowledge I already know.
There are things. I caught him nodding off, sitting upright on the couch after drinking a cup of coffee at 6 pm at night. His eyes looked glazy. I asked him, are you on something. He said no. He gets very angry, and defensive, and very very angry. There is no talking to him. I can't communicate with him. Everything I say is an insult and he lashes out at me. I tell myself maybe he is just an angry person. Well I lied one day. I told him I found a pill in our house on the floor. He admitted he bought it for his tooth pain. It was suboxone. That was like a couple of months ago. I come home and he looks "high" but he has energy. On other days he is lazy. He doesn't help much with our 2 year old until we have to get into a big fight, and I have to tell him how he is being. I've went through his phone, (obviously you guys can see the trust is gone on my part. This is not normal behavior for me) and I find things like other people texting things like, "i'll go B6" --- was that a typo? What is that? Im obviously so confused as to what I see and hear I feel completely dumb and naive. I know when someone looks messed up though. And he does. I don't just come home from work and think tonight will be the night I assume he looks messed up. No, I see it. He looks that way, which is what triggers my thoughts of thinking he is messed up.
He is always sick. His stmoach. He uses the bathroom a lot. He leaves to go hang out with the neighbor after I go to bed. He leaves to go meet a different neighbor that I don't even know. (After im asleep) some days he doesn't sleep until late, others he sleeps half the day. He is short tempered, and mean, unless it's on one of the days he looks "messed up" to me. Im so confused and I don't know what to do. Im unhappy, we're always having financial issues from his part. (That could be unrelated though) he is miserable to be around, and I can't even communicate with him to tell him we need to fix whatever is wrong. I don't know how bad this could be. Or am I wrong? Maybe he's just a mean person? I've heard rumors from other friends, please can you guys help me to make sense of this, and piece it together? My next step is to move out, because he would never leave. I make life easy at home.

Boy oh boy, I can related. I was there and remember all too well the detective work you find yourself doing. I feel for you, it's not an easy road.

When you talk about his sleep patterns, is he working/holding a steady job?

How long have you been married? And was he always moody and short tempered or is this a recent change that you've noticed?

Has he ever spoken before about any type of addiction or have you noticed that he has an addictive personality? Past issues?

Hang in there, you are in the right place, believe me :)

Yes, he was an addict before. Last time he was an addict was 2004. "Supposedly".
He works a construction job, sometimes busy, sometimes not. He hasn't been working for about a month and a half. And yes, I am making myself crazy and exhausted with the detective work. It's insane the things I have thought of. We have been married 6 years, and I just recently started noticing this behavior the last few months, but I've been noticing a few things since my son was born, in May of 2010. I think, Im either really wrong, or he is just really good at hiding it. I believe he would have to be in a pretty deep addiction for his behavior to be so extreme, right?

if it's pills why is he in the bathroom a lot and for a long time?

my ex used to lock himself in the bathroom forever. I would ask him if he was ok and he would get pissed like I'm crazy because I cant even leave him alone in the bathroom. Uh, excuse me... there is only one bathroom and you've been in it for over one hour. Anyways, he was in there shooting up heroin. I would find weird brown stains around the sink, foil in the trash, balloon pieces, etc.

my ex also dozed off randomly, in the middle of conversations, glazed droopy eyes ... He blamed it on allergies. Which is BULL! Because after these *allergy* episodes, I'd find needles somewhere and tract marks on his arms.

You are not wrong. You know what is happening and you dont need him to admit it.

I feel sorry that you are in this situation. The detective stage is sooo stressful and worrisome. Confront him and tell him to do something or else you get out. Nobody should live like this.

Oooopps,
I think he just is in there for an upset stomach. (Sometimes I can hear it, and smell it) and its not long enough for him to do anything in there, I just think maybe it's messing with his stomach. (Whatever it is) he doesn't have any marks on him like from needles, so I don't think it would be something like that. But I wish I knew, you're right, I FEEL like I do, but it's like I need to prove it to myself, to make a move. It's so exhausting. I don't even like coming home anymore.

Withdraws. Opiate withdraw causes diarrhea.

your husband has very similar symptoms as my ex. Is he taking pills like oxycodone or vicodins?

Anvilhead, yes, my mistake. Once an addict always an addict. I should have said "using"... however, the bank account, credit cards, and money is in my name only. I don't share with him, because I've always been taught that was not a smart thing for a woman to do. So basically, I have a single Mom's income, and a husband living here. I've worked for my company for 6 years. I pay all the bills. Money gets tight, but when he gets paid(if they have work) he will give me part of his pay, and keep some for gas to and from work, etc. But, it's not much lately, and im told because they don't have any work, and I don't see him going to work.

That's what I assume. It's some sort of "codone". Why else would he take suboxone? He doesn't take that to get clean, I think he abuses that one too. Because according to him, im crazy and he's not on pills.

The only pill, he admitted to, one time, was a suboxone. Only because I lied and said I found one. He believed me, so he admitted to it. Another thing I can't figure out, is what is B6? (Besides vitamin)

That's my fear ... I've never found anything. Ever. But the fact that he believed me when I said I found a pill, means it was a possibility (eventhough I lied) which means it was in the house.

Yes, this sounds very similar to my ex bf who is addicted to pain meds (vicodin mostly but in desparate times, whatever he could get his hands on). Most recently he's been on Suboxone and that has caused constipation so that could also be something your husband is experiencing.

My ex had an extremely short temper, blamed me for all of the arguing, and was very defensive. I believe you are on the right track in suspecting what you do and it's unfortunate. I also understand your needing definitive confirmation to 'make a move' BUT...don't make the mistake I made which is, once knowing what was going on, thinking you have it in your power to either control the situation or even cure him of his addiction.

Read all that you can here. and if you have time, read my post "Letter to my Boyfriend". It's only going to get worse if you stay. And these are the same words that others said to me on here months ago.

Be strong and take care of yourself!

I wish I knew how to believe my gut. Gah! I feel crazy. I'm doing my best to continue with My son and I's life without being affected. But it's affecting me mentally.

He have track marks, using the bathroom, for long periods of time aside from wd that would mess up his stomach, I would be wondering if he was snorting, shooting up or smoking something. not like you can do that stuff in plain site when you are hiding your addiction.

B6, don’t know of any street slang with that term but opiate addicts know that b complex vitamins help with wd. It might just be B6, nothing more...in the end it doesn't really matter addict looks pretty clear here.

Oh and you don’t just take suboxone, if you are an addict you can still abuse it but most when using it the wrong way are using it as a get out of wd free card….it isn’t as effective for pain for those with a history of addiction.

Do you need him to say it, I am using to know you are right and that there is something serious going on.
I am sure he will resist that until he has no other choice, and make it all about you being the problem and crazy, cause that is just how they protect their addiction.

But me I wouldn’t be asking, I would be saying something like you are high. And leave it at that, not a question a statement as to what the truth look like to you in the moment.

Know that you can’t fix this, or take it on as it isn’t yours and never will be. This is his, and he is capable of getting help, getting well and will when he is ready, and that won’t be on anyone’s time but his.

My suggestion, educate yourself sooner rather that later, on enabling, codependency on addiction. Get help for yourself and support for you because you are worth the time.

Hopeful,

I don't even feel like I am in love anymore. Im so tired, and exhausted. I feel disrespected all the time. Blamed for all the arguements, there is little to no affection. (Unless when it looks like he's high) I just notice the behavioral changes, and I've always told myself, that I would not be someone who didn't believe it when the truth was staring me in the face.

The longer it goes on and the deeper you get into the situation, it doesn't just affect you mentally. In the past year due to all the stress, I almost lost my job for subpar performance (that is NOT me), increased headaches, unexplained stomach aches, poor sleep and extreme exhaustion, extreme weight gain, isolation, and even two instances where I almost passed out while driving - went through all the tests as my doctor thought it could be my heart - and turns out it was anxiety showing itself once again and this could have been BAD if I actually passed out.

Please be careful to guard your health. I can't imagine going through what I did and having to care for a child. Hell, I couldn't even care for myself.

I could have written this word for word. I'm so sorry...I know exactly how you feel and it's so sad to not get the love and affection from someone you thought was going to be your partner for life. Hugs to you..

Incitingsilence,
Thank you. Yes, I feel SO STUPID for needing him to admit it. What is wrong with me? Why can't I trust my own suspicions and just leave? I mean, I am a very smart woman, I grew up with an addict mother, (she was never mean like he is though) she was very loving, just self destructive. I told him 2 weeks ago when I caught him nodding off, and when he opened his eyes, he had this almost sinking look on his face, and I said, You're on pills! You're drinking coffee and falling asleep!" I knew right then and there, and he cursed me up and down about how rong and sorry I was for accusing him. I feel dumb.

I wish I knew how he was hiding this huge addiction? Ya know, to go through withdrawals? When howm where? Why don't I see how or where? Im so confused.