Windmills

I'm working on my step one and struggling. My sponsor is very very busy with her own life, she has a desperately, critically ill grandchild and is at the hospital day and night, I'm staying in contact with her via text but only to offer thoughts and prayers etc.
So I was wondering if anyone could answer the following question for me from their own experience as I am finding it hard to know what to write.
'Can you now admit that you are powerless over drugs and other peoples lives? How did this become a reality to you?'

Ann

For me it was much like Anvil described above. I had tried everything...a hundred times each and it never made a whit of difference whether my son used or not...but it almost killed me.

I think my lightbulb of powerlessness came the same night I hit my bottom...I had driven over an hour to another town to drag my son out of a crack house, threatening to kick down the door when they told me he wasn't there. He came out, we went to his place where I spent the rest of the night on the sofa and then when I left to come home in the morning, he left to go back to the crack house.

Driving home in tears, I pulled off the highway and told God that I could not do one more day like that...I was finished...I was powerless.

I felt immediate relief, can't describe how good it felt, but I knew right then God took the load off my shoulders and I have let Him have it ever since.

It wasn't until I could truly let go of thinking I had any power at all (of course I never did have power but the thought that I did was crippling), it wasn't until then that I could move forward and do the rest of the steps with all my heart.

I hope you will find your own way to let go, to admit from your heart that you are powerless. It will come when it comes, if you can just be aware at all times that you have no power over anyone except yourself.

Hugs

Chino

The only time anyone has ever been able to make me do anything was when they a) held a gun to my head b) held a knife to my throat c) slapped handcuffs on me.

Since I've not been willing to do any of the above to another, I am powerless.

Windmills

I think I understand and accept that I am powerless over anyone else's life.. I just don't really know how to answer this particular question. I've already written probably 12-15 sides of A4 on step one, most recently questions regarding situations I attempted to control. I think it might just be the wording of this.. Maybe? Not sure!
Thanks ladies

pinkdog

To me step one is admitting that you cannot control the drinking. When you get tired of feeling guilty, sick and worried about it. I am an alcoholic. I am sober 2 years. I had daily hangovers, was coping with the sweating, nausea and stomaches all day. I would plan all day how and when I would get some more alcohol. Sometimes I went on my lunchhour. That way I would have an extra hour to drink that evening. I would go to different stores so that no one clerk would see how much I was drinking. Honesty is the cure. When you start feeling better, think back to how sick you felt. How sad you felt. When you accept that this is your own doing, you will see that other people's choices are their choices too, in the same way. I love being sober. I'm never going back. I make a consciounce choice not to drink everyday. Everyone has problems. This is mine. I manage it. I use urge surfing to manage my anxiety. Please try this. I believe that it gets easier as time goes along. Time getting further away from the alcohol.

Windmills

You caught me! How did you do that?! Terrified of doing it wrong. I don't know why, the only person who will see it is my sponsor, I trust her a million percent and I KNOW that she gets me, I just don't want to do it wrong. It's not that I want someone else's words, it's more that I want to be sure I'm on the right track. Hmm. Right I'm going to get writing, see you all in 2015 when my hands has seized up Thankyou!

lesliej

I admitted I was powerless when I finally laid down my useless weapons out of pure exhaustion. I had tried E V E R Y T H I N G and I had lost all of my power. All of my power (my life energy!) had been focused on someone else's addiction and I was wiped out. My arsenal was empty and I was just so grievously tired. I was indeed left without any power.

And it was such a relief to quit fighting the ongoing endless battles of a giant war that wasn't mine to fight.

Oh...and sometimes a "temporary co-sponsor" can be a godsend. My sponsor had just lost her mom at a point I needed her most. There were a couple of other women, one in particular, who stepped in to assist me and a beautiful bond & friendship was born.

It takes a village!

Windmills

I wrote loooads, I wasn't finished but Daisy woke up, going to get back on it soon :-)
A temporary sponsor might be a good idea except there aren't many around here who work the steps, there is another meeting but it's a good 40-50 minutes from me and I don't click well with the women there. Hmm.

amaslow

I struggle with that one.. I am a take charge person..so it is very depressing for me to be powerless...I keep trying to claim that power.. However, not letting go of that need is more depressing!!

keepfinding2

Not really sure. I was never powerless or any kind of drug.

dollydo

Me, I chose to be powerless, really don't understand why, as, I am a very in charge
person...I plead temporary insanity.