Advice needed. Overreaction or Justified?
 

Once again my brother is attempting to get clean using an Outpatient Detox that he has to go to every morning to get his daily meds. We are not speaking because he is just a selfish nasty person (high and sober). After 2 years of the excessive lying and stealing and relapsing I cannot take it any more. Every Monday my sister watches my 16 month old son and she also takes my brother most days to get his meds. Today she brought my son with them and it is apparent to me that this will happen every Monday now. I don't feel comfortable with her bringing my son there. Not because I am scared for his safety but just the thought of him having to be involved in that part of life at such an early age bothers me. Am I overreacting to the situation? He doesn't leave the car at all. My sister let's my brother out and he spends 10-15 minutes inside while they wait in car.

I want to say something but at same time I am trying to pick my battles wisely and don't want to fight with my sister. Any and all feedback is much appreciated.

Thnx all!

Unless you have some other backup arrangement for someone to watch your child on Mondays, I doubt there is much you can say or do that will have any effect other than causing resentment. Does your sister get paid to watch your son? If so, that may be the only leverage you've got. If not, and if you don't want your son around the brother, then you probably need to find another sitter. But to your question -- are you over-reacting? -- I don't think so. I wouldn't want my kid around him either.

Children are very impressionable. Of course you are not overreacting and as the mother, you have every right to protect your child from being exposed to any kind of shadiness and bad behavior.

One day your child might ask something like "Mom how come every time I ride with uncle he looks really weird?"

Your child should be kept away from all of that period.

If your son's uncle is a selfish, nasty person, whether he's high or sober, then you are more than justified in not wanting your toddler in his presence. Addicts genuinely seeking assistance are a different matter altogether.

Question is--who will watch him on Mondays? If you can make other child care arrangements, do so, unless your brother shows improvement (humility, gentleness, good humor).

My 21-year-old son is a recovering opiate/heroin addict, and I grew up with a severely alcoholic (and psychotic) father. Shield the children as much as you can.

He is only 26 and is the godfather of my son which in all honesty was a mistake on me and my wife's part. But that was us being naive after his first rehab stint. He is very good with my son is only nasty with people when he doesn't get his way. Big part as to why him and I are not speaking as I am done trying to help him because he detoxes and stays clean for short time. He doesn't have a sponsor and doesn't go to meetings. He has 100 excuses as to why but after he starts feeling better the first time something doesn't go his way he relapses. This is my problem with him and he doesn't like that I'm not a sucker like the rest of the family. My sister does not take money and I can send him to daycare but this was a great solution at first as we saved on daycare for a day and my sister gets her nephew for the day. Everytime I feel like I am finally getting away from this BS something else pulls me back in and my brothers response to my actions is that I am bipolar. Its always me and my fault.

Daycare it is, then.

Ignore the insults your brother makes towards you, put your son in daycare or find another sitter, and stand firm when your sister says you are overreacting towards your son being around your brother. You can't please everyone, you can only please yourself. You are not pleased with the current situation so change it.