Moving me, my son, the dog... for him, for us, FOR ME !
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Moving me, my son, the dog... for him, for us, FOR ME !
Last time I posted I was trying to decide if I should make a move to be closer to my husband while he goes through rehab. He is in his second month, doing well, and we are beginning couples therapy sessions next week also through the rehab center.
Someone said they could already see me packing boxes, well… I am not packing boxes, but this weekend, I packed suitcases, baby bags, and got the dog groomed and ready to go too.
When I visited him last weekend; I went with printouts for rentals of houses on the beach. My husband was able to leave the rehab during the weekend, and we drove around and looked at some of them. I had set up appointments to walk through a couple, and based on that picked one. It wasn’t a stressful choice, and my only concern was being close to necessities for the baby.
This is my husband’s first attempt to end his drug use. A habit that started about 15 months ago after abusing prescription pain meds, and then advancing to a combination of things to get his high. ( Before this he had never had a problem with any sort of addiction).
In the beginning of his treatment I was scared that he wouldn’t stay, or that he wouldn’t take it seriously, or even that he would relapse after getting out. But I have made the decision to view this whole process as a growth and learning experience for both of us. While he was out using and we were separated; I made my own bad choices, and Im starting to find peace within myself regarding all that. I have yet to open up to my husband about much of it, but this will begin in the upcoming weeks. Im nervous about our sessions because there is a lot to say on both sides, but I have felt the deep connection that we have always shared gradually reestablishing itself, and Im no longer afraid for our future together.
One thing that I can clearly see now, is for the most part I kept all the balls in the air while he was sick. I worked, I went through a pregnancy, I maintained our home, took care of our dog. I felt weak a lot of the time, but really what Ive discovered is that I was strong, and my weakness came from just being human.
I appreciate all the comments on my previous post. I gave this quite a bit of thought because I wanted to be doing it for the right reasons. It’s a good time for me to get away for a bit. My brother in law is going to stay in the house and take care of it, I haven’t started working full time yet because I was off for the birth of my son. The house we found to rent had just become available. All of these things makes me feel this decision was meant to be because so many things easily fell into place to make this happen.
I have been working with my own therapist from the rehab center. She has been a great help to me working on my own issues, and also understanding more of what my husband is going through.
So Im looking at this now as a positive experience for me, and for him, and for us. I have decided to give myself the gift of making the most of each moment, keeping my outlook positive, and my heart and mind open . If for whatever reason, his treatment does not end up with a positive result, I don’t think this is something that I will look back on and regret. I think for my sanity that is the most important acknowledgment.
Im excited to go to a new place and explore, live on the beach, have time alone to think, revitalize myself. And now we can now have our couples sessions in person instead of skype, and as long as its approved by the doctor he will be able to spend weekends with me and our son which I think will be good for him, and good for us. My husband was worried initially about my being alone in a new place with the baby, but he knows I love to do things like this, and now he is excited and appreciative that I want to do this for him too.
My mom is going with me initially to make the drive and help us get settled, and then because there is a holiday weekend coming up, my dad will fly out for a few days, and then they will go home together.
Only time will tell how it all turns out but I wanted to share my decision with everyone, and record it here as a reminder to myself of how Im feeling at this point. (really good)
Someone said they could already see me packing boxes, well… I am not packing boxes, but this weekend, I packed suitcases, baby bags, and got the dog groomed and ready to go too.
When I visited him last weekend; I went with printouts for rentals of houses on the beach. My husband was able to leave the rehab during the weekend, and we drove around and looked at some of them. I had set up appointments to walk through a couple, and based on that picked one. It wasn’t a stressful choice, and my only concern was being close to necessities for the baby.
This is my husband’s first attempt to end his drug use. A habit that started about 15 months ago after abusing prescription pain meds, and then advancing to a combination of things to get his high. ( Before this he had never had a problem with any sort of addiction).
In the beginning of his treatment I was scared that he wouldn’t stay, or that he wouldn’t take it seriously, or even that he would relapse after getting out. But I have made the decision to view this whole process as a growth and learning experience for both of us. While he was out using and we were separated; I made my own bad choices, and Im starting to find peace within myself regarding all that. I have yet to open up to my husband about much of it, but this will begin in the upcoming weeks. Im nervous about our sessions because there is a lot to say on both sides, but I have felt the deep connection that we have always shared gradually reestablishing itself, and Im no longer afraid for our future together.
One thing that I can clearly see now, is for the most part I kept all the balls in the air while he was sick. I worked, I went through a pregnancy, I maintained our home, took care of our dog. I felt weak a lot of the time, but really what Ive discovered is that I was strong, and my weakness came from just being human.
I appreciate all the comments on my previous post. I gave this quite a bit of thought because I wanted to be doing it for the right reasons. It’s a good time for me to get away for a bit. My brother in law is going to stay in the house and take care of it, I haven’t started working full time yet because I was off for the birth of my son. The house we found to rent had just become available. All of these things makes me feel this decision was meant to be because so many things easily fell into place to make this happen.
I have been working with my own therapist from the rehab center. She has been a great help to me working on my own issues, and also understanding more of what my husband is going through.
So Im looking at this now as a positive experience for me, and for him, and for us. I have decided to give myself the gift of making the most of each moment, keeping my outlook positive, and my heart and mind open . If for whatever reason, his treatment does not end up with a positive result, I don’t think this is something that I will look back on and regret. I think for my sanity that is the most important acknowledgment.
Im excited to go to a new place and explore, live on the beach, have time alone to think, revitalize myself. And now we can now have our couples sessions in person instead of skype, and as long as its approved by the doctor he will be able to spend weekends with me and our son which I think will be good for him, and good for us. My husband was worried initially about my being alone in a new place with the baby, but he knows I love to do things like this, and now he is excited and appreciative that I want to do this for him too.
My mom is going with me initially to make the drive and help us get settled, and then because there is a holiday weekend coming up, my dad will fly out for a few days, and then they will go home together.
Only time will tell how it all turns out but I wanted to share my decision with everyone, and record it here as a reminder to myself of how Im feeling at this point. (really good)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
I hope it all works out, and you are right...there is a lot of growth in what you have gone through. Whatever methods are used to help people find recovery in their life, they are usually based upon powerfully positive growth and self/spiritual awareness. I hope that, like many of us, you both have the great fortune of becoming deeply "grateful" members of recovery! peace.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
hope it all works out. I'm a big believer in, if its meant to happen then it will, without too many roadblocks. sounds like things just fell into place and it all just feels like the right thing to do. no matter what the outcome, i hope you find happiness in yourself.
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