No contact...XABFcalled
 

Just a brief background.

So when my then ABF (doc is cocaine) asked me to help him financially to pay rent (binge for the whole month of March and didnt work) and some of his other bills and I said NO, he dropped me like a hot potato and went with is hs friend who is also an alcoholic, weed smoker and a recovering coke addict (according to him). He tried to deny it to me, saying that he is trying to get sober just by himself. Until one day, when I called him, to try and collect money he owed me, it was this girl who picked up and confirmed to me that they are together.

This girl, even if she knew then that we were together, she never stopped calling him(my xabf) and invites him to drink or would bring alcohol and weed to his house.

I know that the reason why he doesnt want to admit to me that he was not with her, because just in case it didnt work out for the 2 of them, he can still come back to me. This girl assured me, that she will try to make him sober.

But I would get phone calls from my xabf with voicemessages (sounding either hecka high on weed or something else or hella drunk). I would get random calls from him like 5 x from his cell or his landline usually at 4am. I never pick up nor call back.

I know this is a silly question. Knowing what he did, and he knows that he hurt me, why does he keep calling.

Thanks for taking your time to read my post.

To see if you will fund his addiction yet again.

I can tell you one thing for sure. He isnt calling you because he loves you. Nor is he calling because he is sorry for hurting you so much.

He is not sober. It doesnt matter why he is doing the things he is doing. You have better things to do than to try to figure it out.

well, im guessing that this new girl is the one funding his addiction, since she already put him on his phone plan and that they keep going to baseball games.

what does he need me for then?

He's a loser and he is hoping to keep stringing you along in case he needs you at some point. You are better than that. Why not block his number on your phone or set it so that his calls go directly to voice mail?

The new gal may be coming up a little short every month...drugs are expensive.

I agree with Suki, go no contact, he is a must miss.

thanks dollydo, but his mom told me that he is showing up to work everyday now, which means he is getting a paycheck.

maybe he is sorry for what he did???? lol :D

Just my two cents worth, but, if he has moved on to another girlfriend, I don't think I would be talking to his mother about him. It does no good for you to know what he is doing, where he is working, or anything else. I just keeps you in the loop, when the best thing for you is to cut that cord completely and move on with your life.

not really, just 6K.

to tell you guys honestly, i guess im just hoping that he really did call me for a reason.

like i said in my previous posts, my xabf had so much things in common together...the only thing that we dont do which i guess is his priority is drugs/alcohol/weed.

when we were together, on our waking moments, we would just play golf, tennis, bowling, soccer, every night after his work sparingly with movie watching, playing xbox, chess, poker, which he doesnt share with this new girl.

so im just wondering what possibly can they do together, they cant be drinking and doing drugs and smoking weed everyday, and besides my xabf has a 2 year old son (custody is with babymama). he kept telling me before that the reason why he chose me over this girl is that i am more of a positive role model to his son, compared to this girl who has an 18 year old son who is high on weed everyday (brought to him by his mama, my xabf new girl).

so again, when he calls, im just hoping against hope that he misses all the "healthy" activities that we do that would help him to sobriety.

sorry, if my replies sounded so naive, but like i said i was just hoping that he found the error of his ways.

sadly, this whole NO CONTACT thing is killing me, although I know its for my own good in the long run.

thank you for all your insights, highly appreciated.

Speculation sustains the hopeful fantasy.

thanks suki, the mom and i developed a friendship while me and xabf started our relationship. we just check up on each other and sometimes cant help but share. i know i should stop communicating with her too. since that is what her therapist told her.

at cynical one, its not like one drop, but like paying his cellphone bills, cable which all went thru my bank card. like i said, i was just hoping that he is calling because he found out that the made a mistake.

i can hope, cant i? :)

False Hope: hopeful outlook, distorted reality.

Real Hope: hopeful outlook, accurate reality.

Did you ever consider that maybe you are staying in contact with her so you are keeping him "close" in some capacity or another? That is unhealthy you know.

Not to sound harsh, but it sounds like you would take him right back if he asked you to. Even after everything, don't you think you deserve better than that? Do you really want someone whose bills you have to help pay and who is a cocaine addict?

at suki, i dont mind if it sounds harsh, its okay thats why i posted because i want to get you guys insights.

i want him back, yes. do i want to pay his bills, no. do i want a coke addict in my life, no. do i think i deserve someone better, yes.

but like i said, i was just hopeful that he realizes his mistakes and from there would seriously getting in a program that would really lead him to sobriety.

i know i am not the first one letting go of an A and im advantaged because i dont have kids with him, but i just cant accept how it all went down.

to my mind, i still keep blaming myself, thinking i am the inadequate one in the relationship. :(

So, if he calls and says, "Oh!! I've made a terrible mistake!! I'll never drink or do drugs again and I'll drop this other chick like a hot potato! Don't know WHAT I was thinking!!"... That's all you need to go rushing back? Girlfriend, you are in for a world of hurt!!

Many years ago I had an ABF that was sometimes dating 2-3 women at a time.... he had to break up with me so he could keep the other chicks amused for awhile, but then he didn't want to lose CONTROL of me, so he'd call and say, ""Oh!! I've made a terrible mistake!! I'll never drink or do drugs again and I'll drop this other chick like a hot potato! Don't know WHAT I was thinking!!" And I would fall for it -- not once or twice, but about TWENTY times!!! We were all on a FREAKISH merry-go-round of love, drug and sex addiction, codependency, and plain ol' idiocy....

Please don't do what I did and just fall for a bunch of sweet talk that has no meaning whatsoever. ACTIONS. Look at his ACTIONS.

thanks tjp.it just hurts to know that he is actually having a good time with this girl now. :(

Please don't glamorize his life. You couldn't give me $100,000,000 to be an addict.

I used to "glamorize" too and I always found out later....I was so wrong and they were in HELL!! They do know the drugs have control, they are afraid they to stop, afraid they can't....etc. They have self loathing, so the get high....etc.

They whole thing is evil. Take care of you, invision a life (without him), where you want to be in a just one year...and go for it!!