how much support to give during home recovery
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
Ann - that's exactly how i feel. I want to help in a good way and not enable. All his actions point to working his recovery and seeking a job. Did I run around trying to find someone who could scan his diplomas for the interview today? yes but i don't see that as enabling. A few weeks ago, someone was talking to me about the weather and all the rain. the person said to me , well there's nothing we can really do about it, is there? and it set a bell off in my my head, there's nothing i can do about my son's recovery. it's like the weather....out of my hands.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Sad Mabel, I wish you and your son only the best. I hope and pray he finds peace and embraces recovery. Mine is gone right now and I will be there for him if he decides to choose recovery. You are fine, just breathe and provide the help you are currently providing your son which is love and boundaries.
Hugs,
Teresa
Hugs,
Teresa
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 134
Sadmabel,
sorry you feel like people here want you to "throw your son out in the street" ... I don't see that at all. Really, we are all hurting or have been hurt deeply by the addiction of our sons, daughters, spouses etc.. You need to just read, accept what is good for you and leave the rest. You are the only one who knows your son, you are the only one who can make these decisions .... no one can tell you what to do.
Last year I made a decision to not let my son (who was in active addiction) come home. I allowed him to use my phone, gave him a meal and a ride to a shelter. Believe me when I tell you that driving away from that shelter was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have had contact with him over the past 12 months and there have been times when it's he's doing well and its good. There have been other times as well. He is a grown man who is handling his life ... I help as much as I can in ways that are healthy for BOTH of us. You and your son are in my prayers.
sorry you feel like people here want you to "throw your son out in the street" ... I don't see that at all. Really, we are all hurting or have been hurt deeply by the addiction of our sons, daughters, spouses etc.. You need to just read, accept what is good for you and leave the rest. You are the only one who knows your son, you are the only one who can make these decisions .... no one can tell you what to do.
Last year I made a decision to not let my son (who was in active addiction) come home. I allowed him to use my phone, gave him a meal and a ride to a shelter. Believe me when I tell you that driving away from that shelter was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have had contact with him over the past 12 months and there have been times when it's he's doing well and its good. There have been other times as well. He is a grown man who is handling his life ... I help as much as I can in ways that are healthy for BOTH of us. You and your son are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Sadmable, Keep in mind when you read post/feedback/opinions
Take What You Want and LEAVE the rest
Everyone, shares their experience that doesn't mean it is the exact same for you.
I will be praying for you and your son.
Take What You Want and LEAVE the rest
Everyone, shares their experience that doesn't mean it is the exact same for you.
I will be praying for you and your son.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
sadmabel,
I too am wrestling with the support issue- it's a complicated issue for those of us with "young addicts" who have made very adult decisions to screw up their lives, but who don't have all the tools needed to live adult lives.
It's great that he made the effort to contact the IOP himself. Most IOPs will assign him a case manager who will help to direct your son into organizing his life. The case manager will probably have a recommendation about where a job fits into your son's recovery plan.
Your job is to figure your boundaries-- your son can live with you as long as he is actively pursuing recovery? he can live with you as long as he is not using drugs? he can live with you as long as he is not using drugs in your house? he can live with you as long as he isn't stealing from you? Whatever you need for your sanity and serenity is what's best for you at this point. Your boundaries may change as you pursue your own recovery - and that's ok, too. Keep the focus on what YOU need for you - because you ultimately can't control the outcome.
I too am wrestling with the support issue- it's a complicated issue for those of us with "young addicts" who have made very adult decisions to screw up their lives, but who don't have all the tools needed to live adult lives.
It's great that he made the effort to contact the IOP himself. Most IOPs will assign him a case manager who will help to direct your son into organizing his life. The case manager will probably have a recommendation about where a job fits into your son's recovery plan.
Your job is to figure your boundaries-- your son can live with you as long as he is actively pursuing recovery? he can live with you as long as he is not using drugs? he can live with you as long as he is not using drugs in your house? he can live with you as long as he isn't stealing from you? Whatever you need for your sanity and serenity is what's best for you at this point. Your boundaries may change as you pursue your own recovery - and that's ok, too. Keep the focus on what YOU need for you - because you ultimately can't control the outcome.
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