Help with FOG
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
Also, I changed meeting to a new one set up by the lady who eventually became my sponsor- sometimes there are 5 people there, sometimes 10, sometimes 3. It doesn't matter, I go in there to learn and whoever is present always has something to share with me. I've never felt pressured to talk and I've never felt awkward or unwelcome.
What's the worst that can happen?
What's the worst that can happen?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sunshine, Sea Breeze & Palm Trees
Posts: 282
Pink, go when you're ready to go. If the thought of going to these meetings are soo hard then no need to "force" yourself.
From my own experience, I remember thinking why am I going to Codependency meetings when I'm not the one with the drug addiction? After my first meeting I thought "wow these people are way crazy... I dont belong here" so I stopped going and went back to my anxious self filled with fear, sadness and chest pain. Then the pain got so bad and overwhelming that there was an inner voice pushing me to get help, ANY help... friends, groups, meetings, therapist, anything. It was essentially a survival voice telling me "DO SOMETHING!"
So I went back to the meetings and learned a lot from other people's stories. I realized that the feelings I had combined with the situation I was in were completely normal. I learned that there are people out there with way worse problems than me and that I should be thankful. I learned that I wasnt alone in what I was going through. I dont go to meetings anymore because I am very busy and occupied these days however it has helped me a lot when I was in a very dark period. I think after my bar exam I will go just because there is something about these meetings that makes me feel more clear visioned afterward.
I think you're still very wrapped up in this boyfriend of yours so our advice wont be helpful because you're not ready to take it. Maybe once you've hurt enough you will look for a way out. By then you may embrace the idea of going to these meetings.
One of my girlfriends yelled at me once when I was crying to her about my addict. She said "Anna, I cant help you. You refuse to help yourself. Until you stand up and start walking I cant help you..." This is true.
So I sat in my pity hole, hurt and hurt, cried and cried until I got up and started walking. With my friends and family encouraging and supporting me along the way. I am much much better these days. However, if I didnt stand up and walked... their advice and help really did not do much.
From my own experience, I remember thinking why am I going to Codependency meetings when I'm not the one with the drug addiction? After my first meeting I thought "wow these people are way crazy... I dont belong here" so I stopped going and went back to my anxious self filled with fear, sadness and chest pain. Then the pain got so bad and overwhelming that there was an inner voice pushing me to get help, ANY help... friends, groups, meetings, therapist, anything. It was essentially a survival voice telling me "DO SOMETHING!"
So I went back to the meetings and learned a lot from other people's stories. I realized that the feelings I had combined with the situation I was in were completely normal. I learned that there are people out there with way worse problems than me and that I should be thankful. I learned that I wasnt alone in what I was going through. I dont go to meetings anymore because I am very busy and occupied these days however it has helped me a lot when I was in a very dark period. I think after my bar exam I will go just because there is something about these meetings that makes me feel more clear visioned afterward.
I think you're still very wrapped up in this boyfriend of yours so our advice wont be helpful because you're not ready to take it. Maybe once you've hurt enough you will look for a way out. By then you may embrace the idea of going to these meetings.
One of my girlfriends yelled at me once when I was crying to her about my addict. She said "Anna, I cant help you. You refuse to help yourself. Until you stand up and start walking I cant help you..." This is true.
So I sat in my pity hole, hurt and hurt, cried and cried until I got up and started walking. With my friends and family encouraging and supporting me along the way. I am much much better these days. However, if I didnt stand up and walked... their advice and help really did not do much.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I don’t know my boyfriend said it was stupid for me to go because I didn’t need to that he wasn’t an addict.
Go, don't go, your choice.
The more you write the more fearful (as a mom) for you I get.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 82
I feel so confused. You guys said I should go to a meeting for me, then you say I might not be ready to go. I invite my mom and then you say I should go alone. If my boyfriend will go, can I take him to the meeting with me?
Maybe it would help him too, at least he could see what it is about.
Maybe it would help him too, at least he could see what it is about.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
Pink,
If you are looking for advice, I would say to go to the meeting, and go alone. Under no circumstances, take your boyfriend with you. Your mother might benefit from a meeting - but to benefit she'd need to be going for her - not to support you.
What happens at a meeting is this: You'll walk in, and sit down. (If you're like me, you'll sit in the back row.) A chairperson will read an introduction, and describe what will happen at the meeting. All meetings are run differently - some have one speaker, some have a topic and opportunities for anyone who wishes to speak, some discuss a specific step, and some focus on reading program literature. Most newcomers just sit and listen- some (like me) cry. You don't need to talk to anyone if you don't want to, and no one will ask you to sign in or register in any way. After the meeting, or during a break, someone will probably come over and introduce themselves- you can feel free to share your story with them, or not.
There will be pamphlets with helpful information, a list of other meetings, and maybe a phone list of members you can call whenever you need an ear.
That's it. I have found meetings (I attend AlAnon, although the current addict in my life's DOC is opiates) very helpful. They are a good way of learning the way to a happy healthy future.
If you are looking for advice, I would say to go to the meeting, and go alone. Under no circumstances, take your boyfriend with you. Your mother might benefit from a meeting - but to benefit she'd need to be going for her - not to support you.
What happens at a meeting is this: You'll walk in, and sit down. (If you're like me, you'll sit in the back row.) A chairperson will read an introduction, and describe what will happen at the meeting. All meetings are run differently - some have one speaker, some have a topic and opportunities for anyone who wishes to speak, some discuss a specific step, and some focus on reading program literature. Most newcomers just sit and listen- some (like me) cry. You don't need to talk to anyone if you don't want to, and no one will ask you to sign in or register in any way. After the meeting, or during a break, someone will probably come over and introduce themselves- you can feel free to share your story with them, or not.
There will be pamphlets with helpful information, a list of other meetings, and maybe a phone list of members you can call whenever you need an ear.
That's it. I have found meetings (I attend AlAnon, although the current addict in my life's DOC is opiates) very helpful. They are a good way of learning the way to a happy healthy future.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 82
Originally Posted by SundaysChild 
Pink,
If you are looking for advice, I would say to go to the meeting, and go alone. Under no circumstances, take your boyfriend with you. Your mother might benefit from a meeting - but to benefit she'd need to be going for her - not to support you.
What happens at a meeting is this: You'll walk in, and sit down. (If you're like me, you'll sit in the back row.) A chairperson will read an introduction, and describe what will happen at the meeting. All meetings are run differently - some have one speaker, some have a topic and opportunities for anyone who wishes to speak, some discuss a specific step, and some focus on reading program literature. Most newcomers just sit and listen- some (like me) cry. You don't need to talk to anyone if you don't want to, and no one will ask you to sign in or register in any way. After the meeting, or during a break, someone will probably come over and introduce themselves- you can feel free to share your story with them, or not.
There will be pamphlets with helpful information, a list of other meetings, and maybe a phone list of members you can call whenever you need an ear.
That's it. I have found meetings (I attend AlAnon, although the current addict in my life's DOC is opiates) very helpful. They are a good way of learning the way to a happy healthy future.
If you are looking for advice, I would say to go to the meeting, and go alone. Under no circumstances, take your boyfriend with you. Your mother might benefit from a meeting - but to benefit she'd need to be going for her - not to support you.
What happens at a meeting is this: You'll walk in, and sit down. (If you're like me, you'll sit in the back row.) A chairperson will read an introduction, and describe what will happen at the meeting. All meetings are run differently - some have one speaker, some have a topic and opportunities for anyone who wishes to speak, some discuss a specific step, and some focus on reading program literature. Most newcomers just sit and listen- some (like me) cry. You don't need to talk to anyone if you don't want to, and no one will ask you to sign in or register in any way. After the meeting, or during a break, someone will probably come over and introduce themselves- you can feel free to share your story with them, or not.
There will be pamphlets with helpful information, a list of other meetings, and maybe a phone list of members you can call whenever you need an ear.
That's it. I have found meetings (I attend AlAnon, although the current addict in my life's DOC is opiates) very helpful. They are a good way of learning the way to a happy healthy future.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 82
Originally Posted by SundaysChild
Pink,
If you are looking for advice, I would say to go to the meeting, and go alone. Under no circumstances, take your boyfriend with you. Your mother might benefit from a meeting - but to benefit she'd need to be going for her - not to support you.
What happens at a meeting is this: You'll walk in, and sit down. (If you're like me, you'll sit in the back row.) A chairperson will read an introduction, and describe what will happen at the meeting. All meetings are run differently - some have one speaker, some have a topic and opportunities for anyone who wishes to speak, some discuss a specific step, and some focus on reading program literature. Most newcomers just sit and listen- some (like me) cry. You don't need to talk to anyone if you don't want to, and no one will ask you to sign in or register in any way. After the meeting, or during a break, someone will probably come over and introduce themselves- you can feel free to share your story with them, or not.
There will be pamphlets with helpful information, a list of other meetings, and maybe a phone list of members you can call whenever you need an ear.
That's it. I have found meetings (I attend AlAnon, although the current addict in my life's DOC is opiates) very helpful. They are a good way of learning the way to a happy healthy future.
If you are looking for advice, I would say to go to the meeting, and go alone. Under no circumstances, take your boyfriend with you. Your mother might benefit from a meeting - but to benefit she'd need to be going for her - not to support you.
What happens at a meeting is this: You'll walk in, and sit down. (If you're like me, you'll sit in the back row.) A chairperson will read an introduction, and describe what will happen at the meeting. All meetings are run differently - some have one speaker, some have a topic and opportunities for anyone who wishes to speak, some discuss a specific step, and some focus on reading program literature. Most newcomers just sit and listen- some (like me) cry. You don't need to talk to anyone if you don't want to, and no one will ask you to sign in or register in any way. After the meeting, or during a break, someone will probably come over and introduce themselves- you can feel free to share your story with them, or not.
There will be pamphlets with helpful information, a list of other meetings, and maybe a phone list of members you can call whenever you need an ear.
That's it. I have found meetings (I attend AlAnon, although the current addict in my life's DOC is opiates) very helpful. They are a good way of learning the way to a happy healthy future.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
sometimes they will ask who is new at a meeting. it is not to put you on the spot...they just like to know if someone has not been to a meeting before
some meetings offer a "first step" group, where you would go with one or a few other people to speak about where you are at and why you are there...
there is not any judgement, and there is not any advice! here on SR we feel a little free to offer our advice or what we think is best
but at a meeting it is really about having a safe place to be HEARD! you get to hear yourself, and if you listen you may find that you hear yourself in other people too.
if you hate it, maybe its a kooky group! maybe try another down the road.
once you understand the loving and caring of how a group usually is run you will be amazed! such a cool resource that we all create for each other for free!! for so many people in need!!
very proud of you for having the courage to go...taking care of your self is a sign of maturity and strength and self love. XO
some meetings offer a "first step" group, where you would go with one or a few other people to speak about where you are at and why you are there...
there is not any judgement, and there is not any advice! here on SR we feel a little free to offer our advice or what we think is best
but at a meeting it is really about having a safe place to be HEARD! you get to hear yourself, and if you listen you may find that you hear yourself in other people too.if you hate it, maybe its a kooky group! maybe try another down the road.
once you understand the loving and caring of how a group usually is run you will be amazed! such a cool resource that we all create for each other for free!! for so many people in need!!
very proud of you for having the courage to go...taking care of your self is a sign of maturity and strength and self love. XO
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