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How do I know....

Old 06-19-2012, 08:30 AM
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How do I know....

Ive seen people say they are addicted to their addict...how do I know if thats my problem? I love him and care about him but want it over but just cant let go. We barely talk I make him sleep on the couch...but yet hes still here...do you think it could be my problem??
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Old 06-19-2012, 08:36 AM
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Why do you want them there if you barely talk? Sounds like an uncomfortable situation to me. You can't start over and hold onto the past at the same time. I believe you deserve someone you can talk to. A real friend. It's called co-dependence. It is not healthy.
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Old 06-19-2012, 09:21 AM
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Ill be honest..i guess because I dont wanna be totally alone and I know its not the right reason & I also feek bad for him . Im reading co dependant no more and would like to go to al anon but I dont drive and neither does he.
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Old 06-19-2012, 11:31 AM
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I also never talk to my AH because I can't talk to him when he's drunk and he is always drunk lately. I guess I'm not ready to permanently leave because I want to stay in my house and I have invested so much into the relationship. I am trying to detach and just focus on doing healthy things for myself right now.
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Old 06-19-2012, 02:23 PM
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Leaving is so hard, because we are codies, it was hard for me, and I went no contact and then had contact, and then no contact, it was like a fix to talk to him, but in the end, he turned on me like a viscious animal, why because I wouldn't give him what he wanted, his enabler, and that made his addict self uncomfortable.

It was an agony for both of us, for different reasons, that I never want to experience with another human being again.

Sometimes newer folks think that the people who are futher along in recovery from codependence are hard on them, or too quick to say get out, they know of that which they speak, fear of being alone is just not a good reason to stay, either is love, addiction will take every single person in it's wake down, the wounds incurred are so wounding and so cruel.

Your addcit deserves a good life, but they are responsible for that, if you stay, you will hurt, you will hurt like hell. The intimacy that you experience with alcoholic and addicts is very sick and very unhealthy.
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Old 06-19-2012, 02:36 PM
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I think that I had a hopeless case of hope! I have heard that you can get "addicted to hope." I finally got tired of throwing away that precious gift on someone when I realized it was futile...it's up to them. Now that we are separate and 99.9% no contact I find that I can have a pleasant sense of hope for him...there's always hope, but it doesn't have to be someone else's desperate hope.

TWO slogans I heard that helped, in this situation as in so many other aspects of life:
1. Don't keep throwing good money after bad. (in this case either figuratively OR literally)
2. Don't delay the inevitable. Wow...that one helps me with SO many things!!
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Old 06-19-2012, 05:28 PM
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Thank you to all of you! Im unsure why I feel bad I guess he makes me feel that way by the things he says. So how do I start getting myself better???
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Old 06-19-2012, 06:06 PM
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Why dont you begin by asking yourself what you are "willing" to do to get better?
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Old 06-19-2012, 06:15 PM
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Focus on yourself. You are not responsible for him. He is capable of getting and doing drugs he will be capable of finding his own way. Do what is best for you.
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Old 06-19-2012, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted by butterflyluver View Post
Thank you to all of you! Im unsure why I feel bad I guess he makes me feel that way by the things he says. So how do I start getting myself better???
Lots of reading, read all the stickie at the top of this section of the forum.

Alanon or NA, connect with those of us who have been there and are still in the process of our own recovery.

Do not put up with being abused, make sure you are safe.

Learn to Love yourself first.
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