crazybabie

AH,came by Friday and gave me the money for my car tag we then went out to eat and watched a movie. I enjoyed the time we spent together he stayed over night on the couch and got up Saturday at 6:00 am and went to work.

I hate the way I feel when he leaves it is like the emotional ride restarts. I am not ready to completely cut him out of my life at this time however I do think I may have to not have anymore "date nights" This saddens me.

He called last night told me where he was and where he was going and that he would call later that it wouldn't be long of course he didn't call and honestly I knew he wouldn't.

My son called today upset that he could not get his dad on the phone to wish him a happy fathers day. I really wish my kids would not call me about things like that. I am gonna have to set some boundaries on what they can call me about and what they cannot I also HATE that.

I have always told them they can call me for any reason I am and will always be there for them but those type calls are emotionally upsetting me.

Any suggestions on how to bring that up with the kids? They are grown and 2 are addicts both the boys. My DD she called last night to see if I knew where he was I dislike that as well.

CarolD

I'm no expert...but I think it's importn to keep your family calling
for whatever. Just tell the truth..."I don't know" is all you need
to say IMO

Then go take a walk or a bubble bath or eat ice cream
Prayers for your peace going out.

Blessings to you and everyone you care about...

outtolunch

Why try to control what your family can say to you? If you do not want to hear about him, just say so and move the convo along to something else.

crazybabie

Outtolunch, I am not trying to control I just don't want them calling me to see where he is
or asking how they can reach him, I don't see that as control I never thought about just changing the subject that is a good ideal they are old enough they would then get that without me having to say anything.

LoveMeNow

Ok, I am confused! I understand asking them not to do something - is an attempt to control others. However, if this upsets or annoys her, she is protecting her own emotional well being too. Ugh I am confused.

crazybabie

LMN, the responses confused me as well because this, is for my sanity not sure now if I even know the difference in control and making boundaries before I posted this I thought I did.

Windmills

I don't think you can set a boundary that your children aren't allowed to talk to you about their dad, that seems unfair and unnessecary since you're still in close contact with him. To me that boundary would only be appropriate if you were NC and your children were passing stories or messages etc. I agree with outtolunch, you could just be honest and reply 'I don't know' or 'I'd rather not talk about your dad right now'. I think addiction thrives on secrecy and shame, being honest and open is very important to me.

crazybabie

Windmills, it isn't they can't talk to me about him at all my children are 27, 24 and 22. They know we live in separate houses my daughter does mention him to me at times and how she feels etc... I am OK with that but when they are looking for him it only brings me anxiety... I have no more knowledge then they do about where he is.