Do Heroin addicts feel remorse

Old 06-16-2012, 11:50 AM
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Do Heroin addicts feel remorse

Im so p****d off today.Ive been thinking about me ex alot.
We were together for 12 years,some good but mostly bad.I couldnt see it it at the time but i do now.As long as i have know him he has been an addict.Two and a half years ago he managed to get funding to go into a rehab.He followed the 12 step programme for 13 weeks and told me he was clean.When home he attended NA meetings twice a day and kept his self busy.Not long after i fell pregnant.Three months into the pregnancy i started finding used needles and citric acid packets.He promised me it was just a blip and he would work hard to stay clean.When out daughter was born he was a mess.We were hardly spending any time together and he would stay out until late most nights,only come back for somewhere to stay.
We split for good when out daughter was only a few weeks old.I came home with a new baby to find my home littered with needles and god knows what else.He had even left needles in my kettle..
I used to take my daughter to his mums so she could get to know his family.They assured me he was now clean and on subitex.He wasnt,i found discarded citric packets in her home.We now have no contact with him or his family.I did say that if he provided clean samples he could see his daughter but he hasnt bothered.Probably because he cant....all he can do is bad mouth me and tells people i have taken his daughter away.In the two years she has been born he hasnt bought a nappy or milk...Im so angry.I often wonder if he will ever feel remorse or regret.Hes only happy when he has money for drugs and nothing else seems to matter.I dread the day i have to tell my daughter the truth about her dad.I dont think he will ever realise the extent of the damage he has done.I love him but hate him so much...
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Old 06-16-2012, 12:17 PM
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Ann
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I believe they do feel remorse, my son used to tell me that nobody could hate him more than he hated himself...but addiction grabbed him and never let go.

You are wise to take care of yourself and your children. There is an old saying here, love the addict - hate the disease.

I hate what addiction has done to my son, but love him as much as ever....at a distance.

Hugs
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Old 06-16-2012, 12:33 PM
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Yes indeed...I believe that remorse and self- loathing are at the core of my sons heroin addiction as well. When he's working his 4th step and has to face all the horrible things he's done this is when he is most vulnerable to relapse. Every day that he uses just adds to the burden. I can only imagine how much worse it would be if he had a child to worry about NOT being there for. It's just a vortex of shame that keeps them shackled.

Yes I definitely believe they feel remorse--but not when they're high!
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Old 06-16-2012, 01:11 PM
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Do you have court ordered child support in your area?
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Old 06-16-2012, 01:21 PM
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Your story sounds very similar to mine. Sorry to hear tht it is also happening to yet another child. All we want is a healthy family right?

My xah blames me for evrything and says I'm taking my son away from him. He tells me my son will resent me one day. The first time I heard this bs, I questioned myself. This is the manipulation of the addict. They blame so they don't have to admitt wrong doing.

Remorse? Ugh, who knows. And honestly who cares. Just do what is right for you and your child. And, thankfully your child is young enough.

Blessings
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Old 06-16-2012, 02:59 PM
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bringing a child into an addicts life is disturbing for them. it means "responsibility". So, it's easier to stay away, kind of "out of sight, out of mind" and keep using until they're so numb they don't feel anything for anybody, and in order to keep that numbness, keeping addiction alive is a necessity.

Until and if ever, they decide to quit and become responsible, there will be no remorse or regret or daddy.
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Old 06-16-2012, 04:32 PM
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I think that remorse (or lack thereof) is dependent on a person's personality. For instance, my ex husband has been diagnosed with several personality disorders that limit the ability to feel empathy and remorse. He has feelings of remorse but they mainly have to do with himself and not the harm that he caused me...as in he is sorry for what he did to me because now HE doesn't have the relationship that he wants.

When someone is in active addiction I think it's difficult to care about much else than themselves and the substances.

You are doing the right thing by taking care of yourself and your daughter. I know that it hurts but it helps me to remember not to take it personally.

Gentle hugs.
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